Donald Trump has now admitted that he uses a spray-on tan for that healthy orange glow.
And now you can too!
Want to look orange forever? When your actual skin is pasty and cadaver-esque and smells like the crypt, why not give it a good spray and paint it all the same color? No more gross and ugly moles, freckles, varicose veins, splotches of color that make you say “Where the fuck did that come from?” and other bizarre things that one would be more likely to see on a deep-sea fish than on a human being.
Now the All-New Donald Orange Spray can have you back to looking something close to healthy and young of whatever version you prefer to be seen as.
Don’t say it – spray it, with DOS …
Warning: Do not get near eyes or genitals or anus or face or anywhere, actually. Spray it from a distance of 2 meters from body. If adverse reactions results from DOS, please stop using immediately and go to the nearest emergency room. You may have only seconds to live.
Enjoy.
