This is Achmed the Hoople comin’ at ya from Kabul, Afghanistan, playing all the hits right here on 98.9, the Jihad!
And we have a caller! Go ahead, you’re on the air with Achmed!
“Yeah, buddy, I want to hear Eagles playing ‘Witchy Woman’ – and dedicate it to my wife for trying to seduce me with her sexy ankles!”
Oh yeah, sorry, boss, but we can’t play that decadent anti-Islamic song coming from America – and we have just traced this call and the religious morality police are on their way to your house for looking at your wife’s ankles – and not to worry, they’ll be stoning her for showing them! Another caller – you’re on the air with Achmed!
“I want to hear ‘Highway to Hell’ by the ACDC band from Australia – my buddy, Rajnesh is in the car full of explosives and he wants some kickass tunes to hear before he dies and starts banging 72 virgins! Lucky guy – who doesn’t want to die for Islam?”
Oh, buddy buddy, I’d love to, but you just said “hell” and “kickass” and named a western evil band that hates Islam and doesn’t bow before Allah, so the cops are on their way to your place – but your friend Raj can’t put the pedal to the heavy metal and cry ‘Allaha Akbar’ as he blows himself for the glory of our religion! Another caller.
“Yeah, I want to hear ‘Rock and Roll All Nite’ by Kiss – such a fun song, I enjoy singing to it.”
Oh, no, not another one – all the members of Kiss are Jews, sorry, buddy, no go, and you shouldn’t be singing any kind of songs except religious songs from the top of a minaret – so now the cops are on their way to bust up your joy at being alive!
No more callers? I’m amazed they even let me on the air pretending to play any music that’s not sung by a meuzzin – wait, what’s that? Oh god no, don’t answer the door – it’s the pigs, man! Run for your lives … on 98.9, the Jihad!
