Biden To Ban Pygmy-Dwarf Tossing
BILLINGSGATE POST: With his forty-first executive order, President Biden banned the use of Pygmy-dwarfs in any games which utilize little people under four feet tall in a game similar to dart throwing - except, instead of using darts, the contesta…
Read full storyScience Teacher Tells Student: "It's Not Rocket Science!"
A school student who kept bothering his science teacher with irrelevant, not to say 'irreverent', questions about space travel in a lesson that was, instead, on the topic of 'Matter' - which was somewhat difficult to understand - was told by the teac…
Read full storyTrees Not Quite So Green This Year
It may be global warming, climate change, or environmental change, it could be any two of these, or even all three of them, but something is happening out in the sticks, claims one man who says that, in his neck of the woods, at least, the trees aren…
Read full storyMcDonald’s Loses Special Sauce Recipe; Big Mac Sales Halted
OAK BROOK, IL – In a stunning blow to an iconic American food product, McDonald’s Corporate Headquarters has announced that they have lost the recipe for the World-Renowned Special Sauce, the result being that sales of the Big Mac have been halted ac…
Read full storyThe Fixer Upper Couple, Chip and Joanna Gaines, Now Own Half of Waco
WACO – (Satire News) – Reality TV’s first design and renovation show has spawned no less than 37 copycat shows. But the original show, "Fixer Upper", is still going strong, and the husband and wife co-hosts, Skip and Joanna Gaines, are now demolis…
Read full storyScotland's alternative vaccine
The people of Scotland, like the rest of the UK, are suffering during lockdown. But the Scottish government may be about to put a huge smile on their faces. First Minister Nicola Sturgeon has prescribed three grams of heroin to every man, woman an…
Read full storyTrump and Kids at Local Restaurant Make Fun of Biden Stuttering; Then Order Hamburders and Covfefe
West Palm Beach - Former president Donald Trump stopped by a local eatery here yesterday, along with his unemployed kids, Ivanka and Tiffany, delighting locals and restaurant workers. Trump struck up a conversation with several waiters and diners.
Read full storyBritish fishing vessels may gain access to the Pacific
The UK government have announced their intention to join a major trading bloc for the first time since leaving the EU. The Trans-Pacific Partnership is a trading agreement between eleven nations including Japan, Mexico and New Zealand, who intend to…
Read full storySavvy mum reveals how she feeds her malnourished family-of-seven gourmet-style meals for just £25 per week
A savvy mum has revealed how she manages to serve her severely malnourished family-of-seven gourmet-style meals for just £25 per week. Roberta Simons, 39, from Birmingham, manages to feed her starving family on a budget using simple store cupboard…
Read full storyConservative Political Party that Fights "Cancel Culture" Also Censures Members Who Disappoint it's Leader
Washington D.C. - A conservative political party that prides itself on fighting the liberal "Cancel Culture", a movement which seeks to disenfranchise those who disagree with them, and eliminate any exchange of ideas deemed politically incorrect, has…
Read full storyMan Watching Groundhog Day on Groundhog Day
Barry Heckingthwaite has spent the day watching Groundhog Day because it is Groundhog Day. The 1990s film favourite stars Bill Murray acting, and Andie McDowell simpering, and was a relative hit when first released. Still, its storyline of a man r…
Read full storyTrump Senate Lawyers Offer 6 Word Defense, Then Rest: "What About Hillary, What About Antifa"
Washington D.C. - The week-long impeachment trial of former president Donald Trump concluded on Friday, when lawyers for the disgraced head of state wrapped up the trial in the Senate with just six words: "What about Hillary, what about Antifa".
Read full storyHigh-Rise Paranoia
Environment Minister for Floods, Noah Zark, says, “It’s not building new houses and concreting over everything that creates floods, you know. It’s the rain.” Developers and major builders, worried about a recession in their industry, have urged th…
Read full storyLouis Gohmert Files Charges in East Texas Accusing Hillary Clinton of Being a "Whatabout"
Tyler, Texas - U.S. Congressman Louis Gohmert filed charges at the courthouse here, yesterday, accusing former First Lady and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton of involving herself in multiple illegal activities, including participating in "Whatabou…
Read full storyPunxsutawney Phil Defers Ground Hog Forecast to Maringouin Mike.
Citing career fatigue and the desire to sleep in, Punxsutawney Phil announced today he will delegate his annual weather prognostication to longtime Louisiana business associate Maringouin Mike. “I’m proud to announce that Maringouin Mike will take…
Read full storySenator Joseph McCarthy visits from Lower Belmarsh Hades Lot 46 Cell #19
Incredible developments continue to shape our world. Vaccines that used to take several years to develop are now available in a few months. A new "political science" for the covid epidemic has emerged. Even more astonishing--breaking: Co…
Read full storyTrump Barred from Living in Mar-A-Lago, Will Build Compound in Guyana for Family and Worshippers
Mar-A-Lago, Florida - Former President Donald Trump, rebuffed by his neighbors in West Palm Beach who refused to allow him and his camp followers to settle at his Mar-A-Lago resort here, has announced he will purchase a plot of land in Guyana to buil…
Read full storyOriginal Jesus's sandals found in German priest's foot-locker!
(NOT EDITED) A wicked smell was detected coming out of an ancient priest's foot-locker deep down in Pruem Cathedral's catacomb. Pruem is a town lodged between green hills faraway in the Eifel area of Germany. Locals have always wondered why such a…
Read full storyJoe Biden Made America, America Again
Joe Biden's Made America, America Again hats sell like hotcakes! Meaning being: The election of Joe Biden has made America the real America, America Again! Yeah! You bet! America is back, baby, and no fake, red-headed, misogynistic carpenter from…
Read full storyThe NFL Will Allow Quarterbacks to Use Mini-Computers While They’re on The Playing Field Starting Next Season
NEW YORK – (Sports Satire) – NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is taking Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones excellent suggestion. Jones suggested to the commissioner that, in order to embrace the ever-improving electronic advances in today’s fast-paced…
Read full storyGameStop Shares Went From $3, Up To $991, and Are Now Down to 14 Cents
NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – GameStop has proved the old adage that what goes up must come down. And Wall Street is thrilled that some kind of numerical civility will soon begin to filter back to the stock market jungle. According to RumorLand…
Read full storyKim Jong-un Says He and Donald Trump Have Broken Up
Pyongyang, North Korea – Rice Paddy News has confirmed that public citizen Donald Trump and the second most powerful leader in the world, Kim Jong-un, are no longer a couple. The North Korean leader said that he gave Trump his engagement ring back…
Read full storyMan Sells White Privilege Card For $7 On Ebay
Robert Alton, 56, a McDonald's employee from Fort Lauderdale, announced yesterday that he had sold his 'White Privilege Card' on the internet auction site, eBay, for the princely sum of $7. "I decided to sell it even though it is 56 years old and…
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