Daily News Update 2/22/21
A great stride forward today in relations between China and the US as President Biden signs a historic trade deal. The deal will more than double US imports from China in exchange for a six-figure salary at a Chinese firm for President Biden's son, H…
Read full storyPolitical Party that Tried to Cancel All Votes Cast in Detroit and Philadelphia Really Pissed at Being Called Racists
Orlando, Florida - Leaders of the Republican Party gathered in Orlando, Florida for the CPAC Convention to be held next week. Spokesmen for the Party immediately complained that they were being cancelled by the media establishment for exhibiting r…
Read full storyTexas Voters Circulate Petition to Replace Ted Cruz in U.S. Senate With His Daughters
Houston - Ted Cruz's daughters and wife returned from Cancun this week, as some Texas voters began circulating a petition to send his daughters to Washington D.C. in his place. Said one supporter of the petition, "apparently, his kids are making…
Read full storyOrganizers of CPAC Event Promise Reluctant Attendee Pence That No Hangings to Be Allowed
Orlando, Florida - After Mike Pence, an Indiana-based member of the Republican Party, was threatened with lynching by a crowd of angry Trump followers who erected a gallows outside the Capitol, forcing him to flee for his life, organizers of the foll…
Read full storyBernie Sanders Wins Award for Inaugural Mittens/Ted Cruz Flees to Mexico
According to sources familiar with the Vermont Senator, Bernie Sanders has just won an award from a major fashion magazine with regards to the mittens he wore to President Biden's inauguration. According to the magazine, the Senator's mittens "happen…
Read full storyQatar Airlines Considering Namechange
Consistently one of the world's leading and top-performing airline carriers over the past two decades, Qatar Airlines is considering a namechange after several passengers became confused about the unusual spelling of the word 'Qatar' when completing…
Read full storyWriter accuses other writer of 'going through the motions'
A writer at a former top satirical news website has accused one of the site's top writers of merely 'going through the motions', putting in no effort to be creative, and writing stories that are "lame, bland, weak and tedious", to mention just a few…
Read full storyTed Cruz Pleased That Public Has Now Forgotten About His Attempt to Overturn Certified Election
Houston- Disgraced Texas Senator Ted Cruz, widely criticized and ridiculed for leaving the state for sunny Cancun in the middle of the recent weather crisis, and then blaming his decision on his family, was nonetheless happy that he hasn’t heard anyt…
Read full storyWile E Biden Confused: Mistakes Trump Runner For Donald Duck
BILLINGSGATE POST: If a giant Saguaro cactus fell in the desert, and no one was pricked by it, did it really fall? Houston, we got a problem. Yes, as we continue to witness the epic struggle between good and evil, personified by the Road Runner a…
Read full storyMan Says He'll Leave If Things Don't Get Any Better Soon
A man who is a frequent contributor to a satirical news website has said that he is so frustrated with the kind of humorless tripe being served up there on a daily basis, that he is thinking of packing it all in, and never visiting the site again, fo…
Read full storyThree American Idol Contestants Sing The Same Song
SAN DIEGO, California – (Satire News) – After 19 seasons, the executives at American Idol have admitted that they are running out of songs for the wannabe contestants to choose from. Pico de Gallo, with Tittle Tattle Tonight, spoke with host Ryan…
Read full storyA Woman Who Has Been Sheltering-in-Place For 9 Months Says She’s Going To Marry Her Vibrator
ELEANOR RIGBY, Rhode Island – (Satire News) – Millions of people have found ways of coping with the Coronapalooza directives to self-isolate, shelter-in-place, and self-distance. Many folks are self-isolating and learning how to cook Ethiopian fo…
Read full storyRussian Tennis Player Sacrificial Lamb In Australian Men's Final
Playing Novak Djokovic in the Australian Open final made Russian player Daniil Medvedev look like an amateur. The thing is, Medvedev was playing his heart out and playing great tennis, but nothing seemed to work. It started with a reasonable 7-5…
Read full story