(NOT EDITED) A wicked smell was detected coming out of an ancient priest's foot-locker deep down in Pruem Cathedral's catacomb. Pruem is a town lodged between green hills faraway in the Eifel area of Germany.
Locals have always wondered why such a huge cathedral was built in this rural town and now the answer to their prayers has been discovered! The stench arising from the catacomb always aroused suspicion, but nobody in their right mind dared to enter the place just in case ghosts of past German 'misdemeanours' were released and, the local sewer pipe runs under the building!
However, pilgrims visiting the glorious, gold-coated Cathedral complained about the stench, so the present priest sent a team of 'Ghostbusters' down to find out where the 'Hell' the stench was coming from!
An abandoned hand-carved-wooden- foot-locker stood in the corner which had 'lost its religion' many years ago! The Ghostbusters opened the door and 'bob's your uncle' a pair of rat-infested sandals appeared! Luckily, the date when they were made was engraved into a rusty buckle! Shock, horror! 0020 AD and Made in Jerusalem!
Jesus historians rushed to Pruem to confirm the fact that Jesus had actually worn the sandals whilst walking on water, and after closer examination, tiny particles of fishbones were found, Jackpot! Jesus wore them while feeding the 5000 with fish and bread!
It seems a Brit Crusader discovered the sandals after slaughtering non-believers in Jerusalem. He stuffed them in his leather pouch, and on the way home to the UK, stopped off for a quick prayer and glass of holy water in Pruem. By that time, the sandals stunk to high hell, so he threw them down into the catacomb where later a German choir boy found them after being locked away because he refused to blow-away the priest's candle!
The choir boy threw them in the foot-locker (is that plagiarism or blasphemy?) and escaped via the sewer, which was an open subterranean stream in those days!
Jesus's sandals now stand proudly behind a panzer-glass window for global pilgrims to admire. Israel is demanding they be returned to Jerusalem because they now have proof Jesus only wore sandals because he had sweaty feet, which made them stink, not fish particles! Israel claim that's fake news invented by him in The Vatican!