Biden To Ban Pygmy-Dwarf Tossing

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Tuesday, 2 February 2021

image for Biden To Ban Pygmy-Dwarf Tossing

BILLINGSGATE POST: With his forty-first executive order, President Biden banned the use of Pygmy-dwarfs in any games which utilize little people under four feet tall in a game similar to dart throwing -
except, instead of using darts, the contestants use dwarfs wrapped in Velcro, and toss them at the target.

Dwarf-tossing originated in Australia as a pub promotion and spread to America in the late 1980s. People with dwarfism, wearing special padded clothing or Velcro costumes, are thrown onto mattresses or at Velcro-covered targets. Contestants compete to throw the dwarf the farthest. In 1989, Florida enacted a ban on dwarf-tossing at establishments where liquor was served, and New York followed with a similar ban.

Being a small-minded man, this is a very personal issue with Sleepy Joe. Tracing himself back to Lilliput Island, a fictional island that appears in the 1726 novel Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift, he identifies with small men.

As depicted by Swift, Lilliputians are men six inches in height but possessing all the pretension and self-importance of full-sized men. They are mean and nasty, vicious, morally corrupt, hypocritical and deceitful, jealous and envious, and filled with greed and ingratitude. Today, they would simply be called Democrats.

Dr. Slim: “Evolutionarily speaking, Biden is a full-sized man with a Lilliputian brain.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. It’s like he trying to be the life of the party in a Coma Ward.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more