High-Rise Paranoia

Funny story written by Joel Kaye

Tuesday, 2 February 2021

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It's medicinal, man.

Environment Minister for Floods, Noah Zark, says, “It’s not building new houses and concreting over everything that creates floods, you know. It’s the rain.”

Developers and major builders, worried about a recession in their industry, have urged the government to close off the environmental lobby, possibly with a high fence and security personnel. “Of course there’ll still be space for nature,” says Isla Grass, of Developers Glassbox and Highpriced, “and everyone who has invested in one of our new executive level cosy cupboard-style homes will have some access to it.”

As developers unable to find purchasers for new-build blocks search for alternative revenue streams, it has been alleged that large numbers of unoccupied properties have been turned into hydroponic cannabis farms. The alleged criminality has troubled the stock market. Undoubtedly, if even one whiff was caught, investors would take a hit. Breathe deeply. Whoo!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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