NEW YORK – (Sports Satire) – NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is taking Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones excellent suggestion.
Jones suggested to the commissioner that, in order to embrace the ever-improving electronic advances in today’s fast-paced world, NFL quarterbacks be provided with a mini-computer that they can wear on the playing field during the game.
The idea is to eliminate the quarterback having to listen to plays from the upstairs coaches, especially when the opposing team’s fans are yelling, shouting, and hollering at 120-plus decibels.
The computer will be worn around the neck, and will function even in Lambeau Field's minus 37 degree weather. It will also withstand quarterback sacks of 94 PSIs.
The new technological system mini-computer is called the Apple Pi 101 Gazelle. It was devised in Osaka, Japan, by a scientist who has the largest collection of autographed NFL football helmets in the world.
Hiriki Yamaha, 61, is also credited with inventing The Saki 7 Cell Phone, that can send text messages to the North Pole, Siberia, and the Moon, even in the most inclement weather.
Goodell has fallen in love with Yamaha’s invention, and has agreed to implement the Gazelle for the 2021-2022 season.
The commissioner added that each Gazelle will cost each team about $1.3 million, but he added that each mini-computer will pay for itself by the 5th game of the season - the 9th, if you’re the New York Jets.