Savvy mum reveals how she feeds her malnourished family-of-seven gourmet-style meals for just £25 per week

Funny story written by Dewani Unhatched

Tuesday, 2 February 2021

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Savvy mum saves a fortune!

A savvy mum has revealed how she manages to serve her severely malnourished family-of-seven gourmet-style meals for just £25 per week.

Roberta Simons, 39, from Birmingham, manages to feed her starving family on a budget using simple store cupboard ingredients to create gourmet meals.

The mum-of-six, whose eldest daughter, Daphne, 19, suffers from rickets, a bloated stomach, and pale skin, has come up with a way of starving her five children, herself, and her husband for a fraction of the price that families usually spend on their food shopping.

While the average family-of-four spends around £100 each week on their food shop, Roberta has managed to slash the price of her shopping bill.

Roberta, who weighs 6 stones, her husband Mark, weighing in at 7 stones, and her teenage kids, who weigh an average of 4 stones each, may be starving, but thanks to Roberta's savvy shopping, the family has saved thousands.

'One of my most important tips is, don't cook or eat when you're hungry. That way, despite a severe deficiency in caloric energy intake, below the level needed to maintain an organism's life, I am saving loads, so we can jet off somewhere nice this year for a holiday.'

Roberta's husband, Mark, was asked to comment, but was too exhausted to speak, but still managed to nod his skull in agreement.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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