Fury as NHS spends £20,000 on mask for Olly Murs's big face
There has been widespread criticism of the government's decision to allow the National Health Service to spend £20,000 on a protective mask for big-faced pop icon, Olly Murs. The mask, which will be over 100 metres wide, to accommodate the star's...
Read full storyGetting A Brazillian
We’re back! It only takes a global pandemic to drag us away from our day jobs of hanging around local pharmacies in case the methadone patients want to trade green liquid for shiny beads. We’ve headed across to Brazil because, even though everyon...
Read full storyInternet riots plague town
The village of Chaffinch St Cock has been quieter than usual this week, thanks to the pandemic lockdown. That is, until this morning, when it saw Britain's first internet riots. The small settlement lost internet service on Saturday afternoon due...
Read full storyWriter Insists He Won't Link His Material To Facebook Or Twitter
A writer on a satirical news website has said that, despite knowing that other writers have done it, and that the results can be extraordinarily beneficial in a cynical points-scoring way, he will never link his stories to any of the social media pla...
Read full storyBuddhist Hopes to Someday Find Peace in Present Moment
Matt Millhauser of Nashville, Tennessee, who has been practicing Buddhist meditation for over a decade, with mixed results, continues to hold out hope that he will someday find peace in the present moment. “Currently what’s there is a mixture of f...
Read full storyPresident Trump Has Orgy With Demi Lovato, Nicki Minaj, Kellyanne Conway And Meghan Markle
WASHINGTON, DC - White House officials are, this morning, denying rumours of a spectacular orgy in which Trump participated. That's President Donald Trump, you understand. Some writers don't explain that; they just say 'Trump', inferring some k...
Read full storyCentral American Immigrants Have Stopped Coming To the USA Because They Fear They’ll Catch the C-19 Flu Virus
LAREDO, Texas – The Laredo sector of the Border Patrol has stated that the apprehension of illegal immigrants has dropped by 98%. BP spokesperson, Benardo Poggenpohl, said that in his conversation with one of the Guatemalan detainees, he was told,...
Read full storyThe KKK to Suspend Their Weekly Cross Burnings Because of C-19
ALLIGATOR, Mississippi – The Mississippi Delta Order of The Grand Dandelion has just emailed all of their members a very important message. Assistant Semi-Grand Dragon, Rufus Leland “Slick” Maconwitt, informed the fellas that, due to the new 6-foo...
Read full storyThe White House Says The Annual White House Easter Egg Roll Will Go on As Scheduled
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald J Trump has informed Vice-President Pence that even though the majority of the American people have called him crazy, he has decided to go ahead and hold the annual White House Easter Egg Hunt. According to eye...
Read full storyVice-President Pence Wants To See Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s Birth Certificate
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A White House insider has informed American Spotlight Magazine that Vice-President Mike Pence is furious that New York Governor, Andrew Cuomo, has just surpassed the president in popularity. A recent poll, taken by ASM, clearly...
Read full storyLas Vegas to Close the World Famous Little White Wedding Chapel
LAS VEGAS – After being in operation for almost 70 years, the most famous wedding chapel on the planet is shutting down due to the COVFEFE-45 Pandemic. The Church, which reportedly has married over 6.2 million couples from every country except f...
Read full storyMister Donut Plate Has Finally Come To Grief
A plate that was stolen from a Mister Donut back in around 2001, has finally 'given up the ghost', after it was wilfully broken by two children earlier today. The plate, which was actually more of a tray than anything else, was made from strengthe...
Read full storyMan Concerned Over Watermelon Seed He Swallowed
A man who inadvertently swallowed a watermelon seed last night, has said he is rather concerned over what might happen next. The incident happened around 9:30pm, when Moys Kenwood, 56, was sitting in front of the TV with his family, all watching s...
Read full storyTrump Mulls Quarantines But Ignored Subpoenas
Trump is mulling the idea of passing a quarantine on New York, Connecticut, and New Jersey using the Stafford Act. This from the same guy who ignored subpoenas and told all of his staff to ignore subpoenas, and suddenly he's thinking about the import...
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