Fury as NHS spends £20,000 on mask for Olly Murs's big face

Funny story written by Clive Danton

Sunday, 29 March 2020

image for Fury as NHS spends £20,000 on mask for Olly Murs's big face

There has been widespread criticism of the government's decision to allow the National Health Service to spend £20,000 on a protective mask for big-faced pop icon, Olly Murs.

The mask, which will be over 100 metres wide, to accommodate the star's massive dial, is currently being manufactured at a bed sheet factory in Silvertown in East London.

Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, himself having tested positive for covid 19, told newsmen: "While the government realises that it is a large outlay for one individual, it has to be recognised that Olly Murs is still a human being, and has the right to protection no matter how big his face is."

Murs seemed delighted with the move last night. Speaking to reporters via a Skype link, the Dance With Me star said, "It's great news that I'll be getting a mask for my massive face.

"People have had a go about the expense, but what they have to understand is that, due to my big face, I'm far more susceptible to germs landing on it and giving me the lurgy."

In other related news, roly-poly breakfast show host, Eamon Holmes, has drawn criticism after asking ITV bosses for a huge pair of surgical scrubs costing in excess of £7000, to accommodate his massive gut and gargantuan arse.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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