LAREDO, Texas – The Laredo sector of the Border Patrol has stated that the apprehension of illegal immigrants has dropped by 98%.
BP spokesperson, Benardo Poggenpohl, said that in his conversation with one of the Guatemalan detainees, he was told, “We duzzent wants tu cum ober tu dee ju-es-a because ju got peoples wit el C-19.”
One Border Patrol agent, who did not want his real name revealed, so we’ll just refer to him as Agent Sean Hannity, said that, non-citizens by the hundreds are crossing back across the Rio Grande wearing Houston Astros baseball shirts and heading south for safety.
Many are now saying that they will instead go down to Brazil because things appear to be okay down there and, plus, they have a lot of sexy, beautiful semi-naked women in that country.
IN CLOSING - The Border Patrol divulged that they are getting ready to lay off over 1,300 agents, including 17 K-9 Border Patrol dogs.