There were 587 spoof news stories published in September 2012. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Ann Coulter shows her tits on Fox News...no one notices!
FOX NEWS NATION - Republican pin up girl, Ann Coulter, flashed her breastesesses (ahem) on the Fox News Sunday program. The panel of six well known conservative pundits were talking about Obama's embassy staff's cowardly apologies to the A-rab terr...
Read full storyMinnie the Mermaid Speaks Out Against the Stalking of Sharks
Wearing a Donna Karan tube dress of soft pink and diamond jewelry by Harry Winston, Minnie held a press conference in NYC yesterday off a pier at the South Street Seaport in lower Manhattan. She attracted a big crowd and spoke for ten minutes straig...
Read full storyJulie Goodyear shocking disability revealed
Julie Goodyear former soap icon of Coronation Street Bet Lynch, who has recently completed a three week stint in Celebrity Big Brother, has now confirmed the disability that she was said to be suffering with in the house. It has been reported to have...
Read full storyDuchess of Cambridge shows public her tits and pussy
In a break from tradition, and in order to not have to rely on the paparazzi taking unofficial photographs, Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, has gone public herself with previously unpublished photographs of her tits and pussy. Prince William, the...
Read full storyProdigal Peacock Brought Back to School in Queens, NY
What's lost is found. Two and a half weeks ago we brought you a spoof story about the peacock on the loose in Queens, NY. Now there's further info. See an article, "Runaway Peacock Finally Captured and Returned to Queens School," on NYPost.com. Yep, the peacock is baaaaaaaaaaack and seems to be ready to create more havoc. The NYPost.com article contains these ominous words: "He has...
Read full storyKate's Breasts Could Kick Start Your Day Too
Following the inevitable global exposure of the future Queen of England's pert breasts by the French paparazzi, Buckingham Palace has gone on the offensive and has threatened legal action against any party who publishes the offending photos, or who u...
Read full storyTaylor Swift: "Even my tits are bigger than Kate Middleton's!"
NASHVILLE TN (ABSNN) - Country music songbird Taylor Swift, a young woman not exactly known for having large breasts, poo-poohed "all the fuss about some fuzzy photographs of Kate Middleton sun bathing topless on a French beach." "I mean, really n...
Read full storyIn nomine pubis et filii et spiritus sancti - Catholic pube row continues to escalate
Sister Flacid Matriach, Mother Superior of The Last Evacuation of Christ, a cloister of silent bald nuns in the Holy Land, have vehemently denied any involvement in the Pubes for Pews scandal which surfaced this Monday. Talking through an interpr...
Read full storyLeek found in Number 10 Downing Street
David Cameron was appalled last night to discover a leek in Number 10 Downing Street. The leek was discovered in the kitchens of the Prime Minister's home. "This is a travesty," said kitchen manager, Glen Williams. "I do not know how such a thi...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie's Weird Behavior Explained
NEW YORK CITY - One would think that now that Angelina Jolie has finally succeeded in getting long time boyfriend Brad Pitt to propose to her that the Laura Mars star would be happy and content, but au contraire mon frere. Reports are that Jolie h...
Read full storyTexas School Principal: 'I spanked her cheatin ass!'
SPRINGTOWN, TX (ABSNN) - John Wannabeter is a well-respected, "no nonsense" high school Vice Principal at SHS. He is known as a fair administrator, but a hard-ass by his students. Last week an 18-year-old female student was caught cheating and susp...
Read full storyCharlize Theron Falls Head-Over-Heels For "Modern Family" Star
HOLLYWOOD - Charlize Theron, star of such movies as Snow White and The Huntsman, Reindeer Games, and The Hideously Ugly Sea Monsters of The Mediterranean has admitted to being on Cloud 9. The beautifully alluring actress told Fajita San Guacamole...
Read full storyVatileaks: Pope's butler stole French letters
Rome - Paolo Gabriele has gone on trial for nicking the Pope's letters to the Bishop of Condom in southwestern France. The former butler says he was mesmerised by the Pontiff's explanation of big bang theories to the Condom-en-Armagnac prelate, re...
Read full storyNever Mind Pippa's Ass, Get a Load of Kate's Tits!
Every year the town of Dorking plays host to a very special talent contest - Dorking's Pets Have Got Talent, is a contest to find some of the most talented pets in the Dorking area. Last year the top prize went to local girl Pippa Middleclass an...
Read full storyAmerican Pickers to be filmed in the North West
Council estate gardens in Oldham, Moston and Stalybridge to be picked. The hit TV show American Pickers is filming a new series in the UK, and this reporter has been given access to the filming of one of the episodes. The series will be filmed in some of Manchester, Oldham and Tameside's famous grot spots, and will involve the stars of the show Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz trawling through rubb...
Read full storyThe NFL Refs Are Back!
CHICAGO - After three weeks of fans having to listen to team owners, coaches, players, cheerleaders, and even hot dog vendors whine like a bunch of day care kiddoes about the replacement referees, the 'real' zebras are returning to the gridiron. N...
Read full storyHuman Frights lawyer Sir Baldylox Fatcat Arzlikka QC will represent Kate at tit snaps hearing
Paris - He honed his awesome litigation skills defending Princess Margaret in the Headless Duchess caper of '69. And got Fergie off oral necrophilia charges from a Royal Mausoleum hen night described by one Old Bailey judge as 'pretty hard to swa...
Read full storyPlagiarists index of jokes and one liners. Page one.
"I cleaned out the loft this morning with the wife. Dirty, dusty, full of cobwebs, but she's good to the kids" Tommy Cooper (1921-1984) "I saw six men punching and kicking my mother in law, my neighbour said "Aren't you going to help"? No I said, six should be enough". Les Dawson (1931-1993) "I have the body of an eighteen year old; I keep it in the freezer". Spike Milligan (1918-20...
Read full storyIrish Newspaper Goes One Better In Topless Royal Scandal
Not to be outdone in the media frenzy surrounding the recent exposure of the Duchess of Cambridge's modest breasts, the Irish tabloid, The Sunday Gobshite, has printed rather unflattering photos of another senior member of the British Royal Family.
Read full storyCaptain Kirk 'smoked weed with Kim Gul Dukat Cardassian' in banned Star Trek episode
Los Angeles - "It was an episode about the Federation's launch of the 'Meet The Cardassians' holodeck program," the head of Star Trek archives said today. "The studio canned it when a props tragedy saw real weed being smoked by Kirk and the floozi...
Read full storyPresident Obama Has The Power To Make Mitt Romney Release His Income Tax Statements
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Mitt Romney is sticking to his guns and is flat out refusing to release his income tax returns. GOPicky Magazine is reporting that there is a loop hole, which the White House legal staff has found which states that the president...
Read full storyKate Middleton Considering Breast Augmentation Surgery
LONDON - England's Tickety Boo News is reporting that Kate Middleton is devastated over the topless photos that were secretly taken of her. Neville Twickenbuck of TBN stated that an unnamed highly reliable source has made it known that the Duchess...
Read full storyBirth certificate typo reshapes Mitt Romney's campaign
Washington, DC - A typographical error discovered on Mitt Romney's birth certificate yesterday has reshaped the Republican nominee's presidential campaign. Due to the omission of a single, small "m," the document defines Romney as "a Moron" instea...
Read full storyPrince William and Kate Middleton visit Stacey Solomon Islands
Amid the gathering storm over topless pictures of Kate Middleton topless on vacation in France, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge continued with their tour of Essex today by visiting the Stacey Solomons Island of Dagenham. They were greeted upon a...
Read full storyNudity Appears To Be The New Fad For British Royals
LONDON - The British publication Ta Ta For Now News is getting ready to publish topless photographs which were allegedly taken of Kate Middleton, AKA The Duchess of Cambridge. TTFNN's Chatsworth Wiggonholt stated that Kate "The Great" as Dancing W...
Read full storySafety Officer Pinned To Wall By Runaway Forklift Truck
The horrendous accident occurred at somewhere around nine am this morning in a warehouse on an industrial estate in Burnley, Lancashire, owned by Spoffco, a novelty greetings card company. Alert employees immediately called the emergency services...
Read full storyStacy Keibler Issues A Warning To Elisabetta Canalis
BEVERLY HILLS - George Clooney broke up with Italian model Elisabetta Canalis because she wanted to have half a dozen children and he didn't. Canalis also wanted for Clooney to leave the Hollywood limelight and move to her native Italy where they...
Read full storyMiddle Eastern Blues
As more riots break out all over the Middle East where some of the poorest people in the world reside Back and to the Left news asks a very simple question. Where the fuck do they get the money to buy all the guns from? People who can't afford sho...
Read full storyMitt Romney launches a 'War on Bankruptcy'
New York City - Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has declared war on what he says is the leading cause for America's ongoing fiscal crisis - bankruptcy. In fact, Romney revealed that his entire economic/fiscal policy is tied to the co...
Read full storyPippa Middleton Hiding Out In Garden Shed
Following the furore surrounding the release by treacherous French ingrates, who for some reason fail to appreciate the sacrifices of D-Day and the Normandy landings, of intrusive intimate photographs taken by scumbag paparazzi of the Duchess Of Camb...
Read full storyKate's Breasts - Britain's Rage
The appearance of Kate, Princess of Cambridge, topless in a French magazine has resulted in rioters destroying the French embassy in London. Banners decrying the French assault on our 'Queen to be' were waved as bricks and petrol bombs cascaded in...
Read full storyZombie Apocalypse is actually the Second Coming, Jesus reveals
In a surprise appearance last week, a man claiming to be Jesus revealed that the much anticipated 'zombie apocalypse' of 2012 is actually a mis-communication of the intended 'Second Coming'. Jesus explained that they (the Holy Trinity) realised that if the Son of God were to turn up looking 'normal', He might not be taken seriously and most likely ignored (or sectioned if the NHS could be bothe...
Read full storyKing Richard III Found In Leicester Car Park
A team of Archaeologists have revealed that they believe they have found the skeletal remains of King Richard III. King Richard, also known as 'The Lionheart', was last seen running away from the Battle of Bosworth Field on 22nd August 1485. Many...
Read full storyCold War archives show Dallas star Linda Gray 'is John F Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe's daughter'
Yorba Linda, CA - "No wonder they shot JFK, RFK and dastardly JR," a former curator at the Richard Nixon Presidential Library and Museum commented as news of the DNA test findings finally broke. Buried under mountains of conspiracy theory dossiers...
Read full story'Irony Man' meteorite carving is Space Nazis totem
London - Curators at London's Museum of Natural Hystery have unveiled a meteorite artefuct that once adorned the prow of a spacecraft flown to Earth by Nazi extraterrestrials. The 24cm-long 10kg statue of 'Irony Man' warrior is carved from a rare...
Read full storyObama to wow voters with his Queen Elizabeth Argentine Tango vid
Washington - It worked a treat for George W Bush's 2004 re-election bid as voters lapped up Dubya twirling the royals 'like some half-demented Dervish' during his 2003 London state visit. This weekend the White House PR team was putting the final...
Read full storyPamela Anderson Explains Typecasting
MARINA DEL REY - Pamela Anderson was speaking before the annual convention of Motion Picture Stunt Men & Women when she was asked an interesting question. A stunt woman, identified as Maravilla "Bruises" Muggintocker, 29, asked her about the f...
Read full storyJack The Ripper Unmasked
The identity of Britain's most notorious serial killer, Jack The Ripper, has finally been revealed during a deathbed confession. Gupta Singh, an Indian national who studied medicine at a London teaching hospital in the early sixties, died followin...
Read full storyNew Mouse Flavoured Cat Food Is a Hit
Cat's across the United Kingdom are licking their paws and purring with culinary satisfaction after an Ipswich man's new cat food recipe was added to pet food manufacturers stock lists and is now available on supermarket shelves the length and breadt...
Read full storyJustin Theroux Having Second Thoughts About Marrying Jennifer Aniston
NEW YORK CITY - Justin Theroux was in the Big Apple celebrating the upcoming marriage of one of his closest friends Dr. Mondello F. Barsillian, an unemployed dentist. Theroux was asked about his upcoming marriage to Jennifer Aniston and the 41-yea...
Read full storyOMG! Italy's Silvio Berlusconi tests positive for Justin Bieber paternity
New York - A Manhattan DNA testing lab is in lockdown this weekend amid confirmation that the Canadian singer's birth father is the septuagenarian Italian renegade Silvio Berlusconi. And that his mother is Kate Middleton'- the UK's gold-digging wa...
Read full storyDid Kate Gosselin use a wooden spoon?
WYOMISSING PA (ABSNN) - Did Kate (plus 8) Gosselin hit her children with wooden spoons? Did she twirl them around by the hair? Did she bitch-slap them in their little beds? "Yes, and more than that," says author Robert Hoffman in his just releas...
Read full storyKate WHO? French judge sides with SaggyTitz magazine editor
Paris - A French judge has sided with the editor of SaggyTitz! magazine that some tawdry royal boob snaps 'were deliberately posed'. And he's thrown out demands for the pics' destruction as well as punitive damages against the mag. Calls for th...
Read full storyVegetarians call for a Bacon Ban
Vegetarians based in Altrincham, Cheshire, have asked for a complete ban on bacon following the alarming news that more vegetarians have fallen off the wagon due to thinly sliced meat than for any other reason. "It's the smell of cooking bacon," s...
Read full storyCandy Corn-Fed Cows Are Much More Hyper
PADUCAH, Kentucky - Atticus Grumpletoy, 71, owner of The Hoot & Holler Cattle Ranch located on the Kentucky-Illinois border recently stated that he has been feeding his 2,000 head of cattle candy corn since the first week in August. Grumpletoy...
Read full storySelected Nottingham News for W/E 9th Sept 2012 + comments
Monday 3rd September Topic: Crime - Murder Headline "Six arrested after teenager is stabbed to death at party in Nott's" Source: Nottingham Post Extract: A teenager has died after being stabbed in a fight during a birthday party. He was pronounced dead at the scene. Detectives were last night quizzing six people arrested after the incident, which happened at 10.40pm on Friday. Tribute...
Read full storyFamous Cases of Plagiarism
Harvard has made headlines this week with the revelation that over 125 of its students are under investigation for allegedly collaborating on a take-home final in a civics class. Let's look at some other notable cases involving plagiarism. c. 100 A.D.: Citing similarities between the two main characters, including sinlessness and virgin birth, authors of the Bhagavad Gita claim that popular be...
Read full storyRussell Brand and Lindsay Lohan To Star In "Sell By Date"
LOS ANGELES - A spokesperson for Russell "Sniffles" Brand has just told the Hollywood entertainment media that he will be appearing in Sheboygan Saddlewood's epic motion picture Sell By Date. The spokesperson identified as Colton B. Billingee said...
Read full storyPalace mole tipped-off paps in topless Kate pics brouhaha
London - A secret 'Mr 20%' is raking in the moolah as more flesh-flash Kate shots are published this weekend. His SMS texts - as seen by QM-NewsCorpse reporters - tipped off long lens paps in the Luberon last week. And now the sender has been I...
Read full storyWilliam to sue French mag yet again: Kate's boobs are much bigger he says.
Prince William is barking mad because he says that the breasts of his wife, the former Kate Middleton, now known as the Duchess of Cambridge, are much larger than on the photos in the French magazine. Our Buckingham Palace source, who wishes to re...
Read full storyPortuguese Man of War found up Camilla's skirt
Cornwall - A gelatinous Cabo-adjunto - ['Attached corporal'] has been found washed up in the Duchess of Cornwall nether regions according to marine pest control reports. Described by Portuguese military sources as a varmint 'with a gas-filled blad...
Read full storyNadya Suleman AKA OctoMom Has Never Heard of Mitt Romney
LA HABRA - Nadya Suleman recently sat down with Moltenberry Babineaux of The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle and revealed a lot about herself. Right off the bat when Babineaux asked her if she was for President Barack Obama or for Mitt Romney, she g...
Read full storyIs Kim Kardashian Pregnant With A Little Kanye?
BEVERLY HILLS - The Tinsel Town hairdresser, who is known as the Hair Stylist to The Stars, FuFi Fondue has just dropped a bombshell. Fondue, who knows more about more Hollywood starlets than anyone else in LaLaLand stated to Fajita San Guacamole...
Read full storyMitt Romney's face miraculously appears on urinal mint at WV convent!
CONVENT OF THE QUEER, WV (ABSNN) - The face of Republican Presidential nominee, Mitt Romney, "miraculously appeared" on a urinal mint, in the toilet of the Monk's Quarters, in this small Jesuit Convent tucked away in the foothills of west-central Wes...
Read full storyZimbabwe synchronised toilet flush craze spreads to Barking
Isle of Dogs - An Autumn Equinox cleansing ritual peculiar to the Zimbabwean city of Bulawayo is the latest craze to hit East London. At 7.30pm local African time Barking residents are being asked to flush their bogs in a Mexican Wave reaction of...
Read full storyOriginal Sin Forgiven as Woman Menstruates Jesus
The Pope has declared Original Sin forgiven upon hearing that a woman has menstruated Jesus. The woman in her thirties was routinely about to change her sanitary towel when she saw a face staring up from between her legs. Upon closer inspection the w...
Read full storyIran news agency falls for Obama Spoof
Iran - The Tehran Aintgottaprayer.con News Agency is in hot water tonight after falling for a Spoof story that the 'Muslim President' of the United States is taking a second wife. The agency syndicated the Spoof article claiming a wealthy US phil...
Read full storyDivorce Court Looms for Josh McDaniels and Wes Welker
Divorces can be messy, and the New England Patriots seem about formally separate in prelude to the final breakup. Perhaps the brass of New England's football team should take a lesson from their benighted wide receiver of last season, the cursed "...
Read full storyHarvard Prof finds 'Honey Do' list from Jesus' wife!
HARVARD UNIVERSITY (ABSNN)- Dr. Karen L. King, a Harvard Divinity School professor, has discovered a scrap of parchment written by the wife of Jesus Christ. The announcement of the discovery was made at an international conference of Coptic schola...
Read full storyChildren's Swimming lessons cancelled - due to fire risk.
Lessons in swimming for children up to the age of eleven have been cancelled in Dorking after a local fire safety marshal deemed the Dorking Leisure Centre swimming baths unsafe, and a fire hazard. "It is impossible to get thirty children out of t...
Read full storyLiechtenstein In Running For UN Security Council Seat
Liechtenstein, the tiny and, until now, insignficant Principality, which is sandwiched between Austria and Switzerland, is a hot favourite in the race to be elected to a temporary a seat on the UN Security Council, ahead of Finland and Australia.
Read full storyCross dressers make the best husbands
A poll from a leading Women's magazine has revealed that cross dressers make the best husbands. "Even the gay ones," said Kay Bored, editor of women's magazine I'm a Woman. "Obviously in a civil partnership." The study was quite revealing acco...
Read full storyKate Middleton furore - More nakedness exposed
Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (Catherine Elizabeth "Kate"; Middleton; born 9 January 1982) the the wife of Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, and a member of the British Royal Family, second in line to the thrones of the 16 Commonwealth realms is...
Read full storyClint Eastwood To Guest Star On The Vampire Diaries
HOLLYWOOD - Manolo Middlezuck, producer of The Vampire Diaries, has just announced that he has signed legendary movie and television icon Clint Eastwood to appear in an upcoming episode of his hit television cable show. Middlezuck says that when h...
Read full storyDemi Lovato's Confession To Simon Cowell
HOLLYWOOD - The youngest X-Factor judge Demi Lovato, who just recently turned 20, is really going to be a boost to the sagging X-Factor ratings. Lovato, who had a big hit with her song "Skyscraper," recently confided to Simon Cowell that she is li...
Read full storyGeorge Clooney Tells Clint Eastwood Not To Quit His Day Job
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - George Clooney said that he and his alluringly gorgeous girlfriend Stacy Keibler watched Clint Eastwood make his speech at the Republican National Convention in Tampa. Clooney stated to Tittle Tattle Tonight that he and Stacy had...
Read full storyWhy California shouldn't force porn stars to wear condoms
Los Angeles --Today the California State Senate brought to the floor a bill that would require the Adult film industry actors to wear condoms. The reason for the bill, according to a state Senator who requested to remain anonymous, is to ensure that...
Read full storyNew Boobs cost Arizona con artist $8,000 plus 18 months in solitary
PHOENIX AZ (ABSNN) - a 26-year-old Phoenix woman will spend a year-and-a-half in jail and she'll have to pay back some $8,000 to Arizona neighbors who thought they were paying for a cancer victim's double mastectomy. Instead, they "were paying f...
Read full storyLA Galaxy to bid for London Olympic Stadium
Major League Soccer side LA Galaxy have joined the bidding process to play at the Olympic Stadium in East London, England. They join bids from local football franchises West Ham United and Leyton Orient, plus one from Formula One chief Bernie Ecc...
Read full storySpice Girls vs. Celtic Woman for World Jello Wrestling Championship
LONDON (ABSNN) - Fresh from their triumph at the London Olympic Games finale, the Spice Girls have decided to stay together long enough to challenge the Celtic Woman singing group for the Jello Wrestling Championship of the Western World. Fans of bo...
Read full storyClinton 'knew Monica Lewinsky is ex-Italian PM's Silvio Berlusconi's daughter' says D 'N' C consultant
Washington - A top makeover consultant hired by successive Administrations has revealed what NATO geneticists have always suspected, that former President Bill Clinton 'was 100% aware' of Monica's Italian bloodline. Dilation and curettage [D-'n'-C...
Read full storyUniverse Held Together by Bozo Particle
The super-fast camera can show a bullet-shaped pulse of light travelling from one end of a laboratory flask to another in a fraction of a second. That might make interesting fodder for Boob-Tube videos,but now they are putting that very same super-fa...
Read full storyKate Middleton's Topless Photos Now Overshadowed By Her Bottomless Photos
NEW YORK CITY - It appears that Kate Middleton is getting more publicity than all of the British royalty combined including Queen Elizabeth II, Prince Philip, Prince Charles, Camilla, and the Duke of Liverpool AKA Timmy Tockerticky. Kate's hubby P...
Read full storyNew Threat to David Cameron taken seriously by G4S, Police and MI5!
Investigative reporter Bartholomew Utterswaithe, reports on the situation regarding the anonymous threats received at the Nottingham Conservative supporters headquarters last week. Party chairperson Hortensia Araminta Ponsomby-Smyth explained to U...
Read full story5 Monsters You Want SEAL Team 666 to Take Down
SEAL Team 666, according to the New York Times, is a "special-ops squad that fights demons, possessed humans, mass-murdering cults and evil in its most dark and ancient form." It's comprised of five specially-trained SEALs and a dog whose mission is to "protect America from supernatural attack," says author Weston Ochse. They receive their orders through the office of the Vice President, but what...
Read full storyParis Hilton says "Gay men are disgusting." Fox News takes notice.
NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - Paris Hilton, the woman decried from every conservative, evangelical pulpit in the US, is now those very same Christian's newly minted, heterosexual pin up girl. Not only that, but some Republicans, speaking on Fox News, bega...
Read full storySimon Cowell's X-Factor Kicks Off Season Number 2
AUSTIN - Season 2 of Simon Cowell's X-Factor shot right out of the chute like a 2,000 pound bucking Brahma bull. After months and months of searching for two judges to replace the fired Paula "Touchdown" Abdul and Nicole "Teardrops" Scherzinger, S...
Read full storyWorld Famous QC Passes Away
It is with some sadness, but mostly with hilarious laughter, that we announce the passing of Lord Simon Saunders QC. He passed away aged eighty-three years and one week after a short and comical illness. He spent much of his life trying to help others (buy him pints). He became the youngest QC in British history at the age of three months. Unfortunately, he was unable to practice because o...
Read full storyModern Day Nikola Tesla Invents Infinite Power Source
Rockville MD: Nikola Tesla working in his garage at night has invented an infinite power source, potentially making the USA energy independent. Mr. Tesla planned to patent the device and give all rights to his adopted country. An application for a...
Read full storyFormer President Clinton Gives DNC Nomination Speech
Charlotte NC: Former President Bill Clinton gave the nomination speech at the 2012 Democratic National Convention (DNC) for President Obama to head the ticket for a second term bid. The evening was full of many surprises. The Clinton wing (moderat...
Read full storyBritain Braces Itself For Mild Weather
Those plucky Brits have been warned this week to batten down the hatches and prepare themselves for prolonged outbreaks of mild weather. Forecasters predict that the skies will probably be grey, and that gentle breezes will probably blow sporadic...
Read full storyFrustrated college graduates wipe asses with diplomas
U.S. college graduates, fed up with the job market and slow economy, have began wiping their asses with their diplomas in protest. The nationwide protests, known as the "Univershitty Protests," have spread online via social networks as th...
Read full storySandra Bullock Reveals Secrets About Ex-Husband Jesse James
AUSTN - Sandra Bullock has shown that she weathered the breakup of her marriage to "Messy" Jesse James with flying colors. Bullock did admit recently to Fajita San Guacamole with The Hollywood Innuendo that when she first learned that James had ch...
Read full story"Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" Beats Out The Republican National Convention
LOS ANGELES - The TLC Network is as happy as a ostrich in soft dirt after their hit reality show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo beat out every one of the four major networks plus CNN which was showing the Republican National Convention. The reality show...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: Maksim Chmerkovskiy Says Either Len Goodman Goes Or He Does
VENICE BEACH - Dancing With The Star's professional dancer Maksim Chmerkovskiy was recently seen sunbathing with his lovely girlfriend fellow DWTS pro Peta Murgatroyd. Chmerkovskiy, who is regarded as The Bad Boy of The Ballroom, has not tried to...
Read full storyQuoth the Replacement Referee! NFL Official Speaks!
"Forevermore," quoth the NFL official. No, Edgar Allen Poe has not been resurrected from the "Tomb of Ligeia" to work for Roger Goodell. There is no balm in Gilead, nor even in Foxboro. So, fans should not expect any relief from or for the replace...
Read full storyKate Middleton To Appear on Gordon Ramsay's Hell's Kitchen
HOLLYWOOD - It is now official that Kate Middleton has agreed to appear on an upcoming episode of Gordon Ramsay's reality show Hell's Kitchen. A spokesperson for the show identified as Loretta Sue Piffkinhaus, 43, has said that Ramsay was finally...
Read full storyMan breaks penis during Love Seat sex bust
WAUKESHA, WI (ABSNN) - As if living in Wisconsin wasn't bad enough, Waukesha residents were "treated" to a 46-year-old man having intercourse with a couch, or to be exact, an abondoned love seat. Jerrard T. Streetor, of 2387 Cold Stream Place, Wau...
Read full storyFans Enjoy A Refreshing Change With NHL Lockout
Coming fresh off lockouts with the NBA and NFL, fans are enjoying a change as the NHL enters it's second lockout in 9 years. After two years of millionaire NFL and NBA players arguing with billionaire NFL and NBA team owners, fans are being refreshed...
Read full storyColdplay Incite Mock Hatred
As Coldplay performed at last nights Paralympic closing ceremony, opportunists seized on the fashionable trend of absolutely hating them, man. Fabricated musical snobbery was in full flow as pretend muso's bemoaned Coldplay's supposed lack of mus...
Read full storyCavalier King Charles Spaniel hairdo a turn-off Kate is told
London - "Yeah, life's a bitch...and then you dye," a former colorist/stylist/wigmaker to the royal Z-Lister said today as Kate Middleton's hairdo continued to upset the masses. Almost ten kilos of extensions have been woven onto near-bald Kate's...
Read full storyNew BBC Director General to reboot 'Last of the Summer Wine'
George Entwhistle the newly appointed Director General of the BBC has released plans today to reboot classic sit-com 'Last of the Summer Wine.' He said at a press conference today: "The public love the new 'Dr Who' well old Who fans don't but who giv...
Read full storyCinderella Goodell Loses His Glass Slipper!
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell's fairy godfathers, aka team owners, have left him hanging onto the ball by his fingertips. As a result, Roger Goodell has gone into hiding. After another fiasco on national television, who can blame him? Fans are...
Read full storySix months before Mayor Bloomberg's soda ban takes effect, high-volume "Soft-Drink Speakeasies" appear all over New York City
Brooklyn--Less than five days after New York City's Board of Health voted 8-0 in favor of Mayor Bloomberg's ban on sugary drinks larger than 16oz., "soda-pop speakeasies'' began sprouting up all over the five boroughs. "It started as a joke...
Read full storyU2 Named Third Greatest Band of All-Time in Alternate Reality Where U2 Died in Plane Crash in 1987
NEW YORK, NY--Sources from a parallel universe where all the members of Irish rock band U2 died in a plane crash during their 1987 Joshua Tree Tour reported today that Rolling Stone's annual "Greatest Bands of All-Time" listed the late band as the th...
Read full storyDruids to muster Autumn Equinox sheep-dip test
London - Hordes of New Age hippies and neo-Pagan nutz are to be kettled through a pesticide trench before being allowed up Primrose Hill for Saturday's Autumn Equinox parade. The elf 'n' safety directive comes as a ten year study by the Royal Frea...
Read full storyPoltergeist plays havoc with Queen's knickers
Balmoral - A pesky phantom is being blamed for snatching the Queen's knickers during a performance of Mozart's Cosy Fanny Tutti this week. The royal arse was left in the buff as HM sat through the 1790 three-act Opera Buffa at the Loch Ness Operat...
Read full storyFossilised Jesus spaceship remains found on Mars
Space - "Now we know why the apostle Thomas is pointing skywards in Leonardo Da Vinci's painting of The Last Supper," a NASA spokesman said today as news broke of the Martian find. "Art historians have misinterpreted the gesture as St Thomas 'givi...
Read full storyAbu "Hook" Hanza plays get out of jail free card
Abu "Hook" Hanza, the radical terrorist, has challenged the Government for keeping him in Belmarsh prison for the past number of years, and has said that he should be released immediately prior to any sort of extradition. He claims that he was pla...
Read full storyMitt Romney Tells Michele Bachmann to Shut Her Trap
NEW YORK CITY - Mitt Romney was in the Big Apple being interviewed by radio station KREP talk show host Tulips Fibbowitz. Miss Fibbowitz, who is not the least bit shy, asked him just exactly how much money he's worth. Romney nodded his head and...
Read full storyPlayboy rates University of Virginia nation's number one party school
CHARLOTTESVILLE VA (ABSNN) - Playboy magazine released its annual list of the Nation's Top Ten Party Schools. The University of Virginia took top honors beating out such famous Animal Houses as University of Southern California, Los Angeles (2); the...
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