New Boobs cost Arizona con artist $8,000 plus 18 months in solitary

Funny story written by Francois Dubois, S.J.

Thursday, 27 September 2012


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image for New Boobs cost Arizona con artist $8,000 plus 18 months in solitary
Jeeni Little-Titz's new boobs cost her 18 months in the solitary slam.

PHOENIX AZ (ABSNN) - a 26-year-old Phoenix woman will spend a year-and-a-half in jail and she'll have to pay back some $8,000 to Arizona neighbors who thought they were paying for a cancer victim's double mastectomy.

Instead, they "were paying for new and bigger tits,"

"I'm really sorry I lied to the kind folks," said Jeeni Little-Titz, a former hospice worker with visions of exotic dancing in her sights.

"I would have paid it all back eventually. The guy who owns Bigguns Men's Club said I'd make "around $225.00 a shift, plus tips. I would have had the money to repay the folks in, oh, say three years, give or take," she told the judge at her sentencing.

Ms. Little-Titz's mother, Agnes Little-Wonz, set up a web site to raise money for her daughter's surgery.

"Not the boob job though. Well, actually, there was going to be a boob job after the mastectomy. You know, a reconstructive surgery, that kind of thing," said Little-Wonz.

"I did what any mother would do, I went on the internet and solicited funds to pay for the cancer surgery I thought Jeeni needed," she explained.

"I had no earthly idea this was a ploy to get money up for boobs to work a pole in a titty bar, I swear," the exasperated mom told the judge.

"But ma'am," the judge asked, "didn't your daughter have medical insurance from her hospice job?"

"Well, yes, yes she did, your Honor."

"Shouldn't you have thought of that, that the medical insurance would have paid the cost for the cancer surgery," the judge, Mortimer Weismann asked gently.

"She told me her insurance would only cover 70% and the entire amount she would have to pay, out of pocket, would be an additional $45, 000," the mother explained.

"So you then got the website and solicited funds. Am I correct in that assumption?"

"Yes sir."

Turning to the now convicted con artist, the judge asked if she would like to say anything before he pronounced her sentence.

"I do have one request, your Honor," said Little-Titz.


"I have no money to pay for protection from the numerous lesbians who populate the jail I'll be held at. I'd like to ask all of the fine people who donated for my boob job, to make a donation to my 'Jeeni Little-Titz Prision Lesbian Protection Plan.'"

"That will not be necessary," said the judge.

Judge Weismann sentenced her to 18 months in solitary confinement.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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