Former President Clinton Gives DNC Nomination Speech

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Tuesday, 4 September 2012

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My Fellow Americans

Charlotte NC: Former President Bill Clinton gave the nomination speech at the 2012 Democratic National Convention (DNC) for President Obama to head the ticket for a second term bid.

The evening was full of many surprises. The Clinton wing (moderate/liberal) and the Obama wing (far left) of the Democratic Party are as compatible as fire and gasoline. This friction first erupted when Mrs. Clinton challenged then Senator Obama for the presidential nomination in 2008.

Vice President Biden introduced former President Clinton as one of the county's finest elder statesman who loves cheeseburgers. He also mentioned that the former president's lovely wife Monica was in the audience, then concluded that she still gets phone calls at 3:00 AM in the morning.

Former President Clinton took the podium to a standing ovation. The former president indicated that his remarks were on behalf of the American people to summarize the accomplishments of President Obama's domestic, foreign and military policies for the upcoming election.

President Obama has invoked more government regulations, e.g. Dodd/Frank banking legislation increasing costs for small businesses by requiring the hiring of people to do useless jobs to decipher the regulations and to interface with government regulators; and the budget buster ObamaCare which will destroy Medicare (no further explanation is necessary).

President Obama has presided over 42 months of an 8% unemployment rate culminating in an increase to an 8.3% unemployment rate (23 million people); increasing federal government jobs, decreasing private sector jobs; adding $5 trillion to the national debt and projected $1 trillion budget deficits each year in the next four years; calling for higher taxes on small businesses during a recession; and claiming the government built your small business, not you.

President Obama has established a moratorium on off-shore oil drilling and numerous EPA coal regulations that are destroying energy sector jobs, including power plants, and driving energy prices up; failed immature, corrupt green energy programs, e.g. Solyndra; encouragement of illegal immigrants; the subprime mortgage debacle; and increasing welfare rolls by relaxing work rules (my workfare program).

The Commander in Chief is dallying with the war in Afghanistan, pretending to aid returning veterans while reducing US defense capabilities; and alienating the USA's foreign friends while doing little to blunt our foreign enemies.

Former President Clinton concluded that he did not come here tonight to praise President Obama, as this president is bent on destroying the nation's middle class. "It's the economy stupid!" He then called on all sane Democrats to unite behind Republican Mitt Romney for president.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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