Selected Nottingham News for W/E 9th Sept 2012 + comments

Funny story written by Inchcock

Monday, 10 September 2012


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image for Selected Nottingham News for W/E 9th Sept 2012 + comments
Sunday: Racers take care.

Monday 3rd September
Topic: Crime - Murder
Headline "Six arrested after teenager is stabbed to death at party in Nott's"
Source: Nottingham Post
Extract: A teenager has died after being stabbed in a fight during a birthday party.

He was pronounced dead at the scene.

Detectives were last night quizzing six people arrested after the incident, which happened at 10.40pm on Friday.

Tributes have flooded in for Nathan on Facebook. A tribute page attracted more than 400 members in 48 hours.

Five people were arrested initially - a 27-year-old man, two 18-year-old men and boys aged 17 and 16.

Another 18-year-old man was arrested yesterday.

Anyone with information should call police on 101 or call Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111.

Comments: More horrendous news, another murder in Nott's - it's getting bad now!

Tuesday 4th September
Topic: Crime - Violence - Alcohol
Headline "Attack outside Oceana nightclub in Nottingham 'left student in coma'"
Source: This is Nottingham
Extract: Pritesh Chauhan, 19, had to have part of his skull removed to stop swelling and drain fluid on his brain after the assault. a jury heard. He was left badly cut and bleeding near Oceana, Lower Parliament Street, on February 8th.

Yesterday, three men went on trial at Nottingham Crown Court accused of causing him grievous bodily harm.

Alexander Lee, 19, of Church Rise, south east London; Prasanth Thirumoorthy, 18, of Lopen Road, Edmonton, north London; and Mirhire Overo-Tarimo, 19, of Linwood Close, Camberwell, also south east London, deny the charge.

Overo-Tarimo denies a second charge of assaulting Mr Chauhan's friend, Rajveer Gogna .

All three defendants were university students in Nottingham and had been out together on the night of the attack.

"Pritesh Chauhan, like these three defendants, had too much to drink and he, like them, was in a group of friends," prosecutor Luke Blackburn said.

Comments: All down to alcohol... you know, the stuff they are putting a minimum price on for the public, that they offer to MP's in Parliament at a discount price!

Wednesday 5th September
Topic: Retail - Business -
Headline "Nottingham 'empty shops' report sparks row"
Source: Nottingham Post
Extract: The study from the Local Data Company suggests that 30 per cent of city stores are vacant, which is more than double the national average.

It also states that this has increased by 7.5 per cent in the last year. The national vacancy average is 14.6 per cent and the average for the Midlands and the North stands at 18.5 per cent.

A councillor said: "They've included Carlton Road and long stretches of Alfreton Road, not just the core retail of the city. It doesn't include leisure facilities and we end up with a ridiculous figure that we don't recognise.

"We do dispute the figures - we're certainly not below Stoke and the other places listed above us.

Comments: And their building more retail outlets?

Thursday 6th September
Topic: Crime - Abductions - Rape - Assaults
Headline "Five arrested over abduction and sexual assault of teenage girls"
Source: BBC News
Extract: Four men and a teenage boy have been arrested in Leicester on suspicion of child abduction and sexual assault.

It is alleged one 15-year-old and three 14-year-old girls were abducted and sexually assaulted in four separate incidents in July.

Police said the four girls from Newark, Nottinghamshire, were taken to Leicestershire and assaulted.

The men, aged 18, 20 and 23, and a 17-year-old boy, are being interviewed by detectives in Nottingham.

All of them were arrested on suspicion of child abduction, while two of them were also arrested on suspicion of serious sexual assault, a police spokesman said.

Comments: Oh dear, sounds too familiar nowadays!

Friday 7th September
Topic: Crime - Assault - Pensioner
Headline "Man arrested following assault on pensioner in Beeston"
Extract: A 52-year-old man has been arrested following reports of an assault on a pensioner in Beeston.

The 74-year-old victim is in a stable condition in hospital following the incident, which happened just before 4am on Thursday morning.

A cordon is currently in place at an address in Derby Road while an investigation into the circumstances surrounding the assault takes place.

The arrested man is due to be questioned by detectives.

Anyone with any information is asked to contact Nottinghamshire Police on 101 or call Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111.

Comments: Oh dear.

Saturday 8th September
Topic: Art - Olympics
Headline "London 2012 Cultural Olympiad: Nottingham hosts arts festival"
Source: BBC News
Extract: Artists from all over the world are showing their work in Nottingham as part of the finale to the London 2012 Cultural Olympiad.

Over the next 10 days, 1,000 artists from 100 nations will take part in the World Event Young Artists (WEYA) festival.

Comments: They can get inspiration from the graffiti ridden empty shops and walls of Nottingham, ask Big Issue sellers for advice - Paint the rioting yobs, get mugged, or play 'Spot-a-real-policeman'.

Sunday 9th September
Topic: Tour of Britain race - Sport
Headline "Notts ready to welcome cycling legends as Tour of Britain races through city"
Source: Nottingham Post
Extract: Crowds are expected to be out in force to see Olympic gold medallist and Tour de France winner Bradley Wiggins and teammate Mark Cavendish, also the current world road race champion.

As part of team Sky, the pair will start the stage at 10am outside Nottingham Castle along with 100 other top riders in 16 professional teams.

City cycling clubs say they hope keen riders and cycling novices alike will grab the opportunity to see the history-makers.

Comments: Racing through Nottingham is a good idea - dawdling and getting mugged is not. I hope they do not injure themselves when knocking over any Big Issue sellers, pensioners, or CPO's. I advise them not to leave their bikes at any time, even if chained up.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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