Jack The Ripper Unmasked

Funny story written by Sidney Bollocks

Tuesday, 4 September 2012

image for Jack The Ripper Unmasked
One of Dr Singh's original scalpels

The identity of Britain's most notorious serial killer, Jack The Ripper, has finally been revealed during a deathbed confession.

Gupta Singh, an Indian national who studied medicine at a London teaching hospital in the early sixties, died following a dodgy ruby murray in a Tooting Broadway curry house.

Dr Singh told family members, "Money was tight in those days. When I had paid my tuition fees, I had no money left to pay fees for the cadavres we relied upon for dissection. Fortunately, I befriended a Russian student who was studying physics. He was living in digs in Clapham and had built a fully functioning time machine in his garden shed. He was looking for a guinea pig and I was looking for cadavres. We enlisted the services of a chap studying history to point us in the right direction".

Before finally croaking, Dr Singh went on "It seemed that Whitechapel during the period 1888 to 1891 would offer rich pickings, as there was some ruffian going round mugging prostitutes for their nightly takings. Thanks to our history buff, and Yuri's time machine, I was abled to be teleported back to the right time and location for each of the Whitechapel muggings. Once 'Jack' had subdued them and had run off with their money, I moved in to do the dissection procedures I needed to do, as well as collect various organs for study. Before I knew it, Yuri would then have me safely back in 1960s Clapham".

Dr Singh described how proud he was was when Inspector Frank Abberline, who lead the Ripper investigation, told the press that the police believed they were looking for a highly skilled surgeon or abbattoir worker, saying "I was dead chuffed. I was only a first year medical student when we started".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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