Kate's Breasts Could Kick Start Your Day Too

Funny story written by Sidney Bollocks

Saturday, 15 September 2012


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Sunnyside up?

Following the inevitable global exposure of the future Queen of England's pert breasts by the French paparazzi, Buckingham Palace has gone on the offensive and has threatened legal action against any party who publishes the offending photos, or who uses them for commercial gain.

Newspapers and magazines around the world are waiting to see who else will publish the photos, and what legal action they may attract.

However, an amateur Australian chicken farmer, Sidney Bollocks, has decided to adopt the breasts in question as his logo, and to emblazon them on his egg boxes.

Mr Bollocks told our reporter, "I saw the pictures on the internet and can't understand what the fuss is all about. I mean, as breasts go, they're no more than fair to middling. She's not exactly a Dolly Parton, is she?"

Mr Bollocks went on, "When I saw the photo of her reclining by the pool, this idea came to me in a blinding flash. I thought there was a striking resemblance between Kate's breasts and a couple of my chickens' freshly laid eggs, when cooked in a certain manner. Therefore, I downloaded the photo, cut and pasted and blew up the required bits, printed off a few copies and sellotaped them to my egg boxes. I then added the slogan 'You too can kick start your day with a pair, sunnyside up'. My neighbours thought it was as funny as fuck".

Mr Bollocks told us that he has sought legal advice and is confident he has nothing to worry about. He said, "My brief has advised me that, due to the unremarkable nature of the breasts and the fact that they would be hard to identify as being the property of anybody in particular, it is unlikely I would face legal action. There is also the fact that there is no financial gain involved. I've only got four chickens and what eggs we don't eat are given to the neighbours".

A Buckingham Palace spokesman confirmed that he was aware of Mr Bollocks and his hobby chicken farm. He also confirmed there were no plans to mount any legal action.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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