Quoth the Replacement Referee! NFL Official Speaks!

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Friday, 21 September 2012

"Forevermore," quoth the NFL official. No, Edgar Allen Poe has not been resurrected from the "Tomb of Ligeia" to work for Roger Goodell.

There is no balm in Gilead, nor even in Foxboro. So, fans should not expect any relief from or for the replacement referees.

"For evermore," quoth the NFL.

The NFL has sent a stern warning, in the tone and style of David Stern, to all 32 teams, including general managers and coaches that they will nevermore tolerate referee abuse.

Yes, forget elder abuse, or drunken fan abuse. The NFL has put referee abuse to the top of its priority list.

No longer will tapping upon the referee shoulder be tolerated. If only it were this, and nothing more.

To the NFL it was a bleak September, and each dying play left a ghost on the floor. Bad calls and a bad taste for evermore.

The black bird of referee abuse has flown in the door and landed on the bust of Lombardi. Only this, and nothing more.

What text messages have caused this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous NFL official of yore meant in croaking 'For evermore.'

Fans may cry to the NFL to leave no black striped referee plume as a token of that lie their play calling hath spoken!

Leave fan disdain and loneliness unbroken! Quit busting the chops of the replacement referees! Take thy beak from out their heart, and take thy form from off the ref's back!'

Quoth the NFL official, 'Nevermore.'

And the replacement refs never flitting, still are sitting, still are sitting on the pallid bust of Goodell just above every fan's chamber door; and referee eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, and the game's soul from out that call that lies floating on the score shall be lifted - nevermore!

Quoth the replacement referee, "Quack."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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