Written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

image for Cavalier King Charles Spaniel hairdo a turn-off Kate is told
Jessica Simpson first perfected that shaggy dog look

London - "Yeah, life's a bitch...and then you dye," a former colorist/stylist/wigmaker to the royal Z-Lister said today as Kate Middleton's hairdo continued to upset the masses.

Almost ten kilos of extensions have been woven onto near-bald Kate's pate in a WAG-style barnet popular with proles.

The resulting lap dog tresses need constant grooming - much like William and Kate's cocker spaniel Lupo, another 'brain dead' royal mutt.

Coincidentally, William's favorite pet name for his new wife is said to be Poochy-Pooch, an endearment used by the Old Queen Mum when sweet-talking her long-time toyboy General Pinochet.

Kate in turn calls William 'Baldy' after a Beanie Baby stuffed eaglet given to the couple by, er, admirers.

This morning Kate and Wills were on parade in yet another taxpayer-funded austerity freebie on behalf of the Queen's Cubic Zirconia Jubilee.

Singapore crowds marvelled as notorious hair-flicker Kate pimped her tresses like an old-time pro.

Of course a carefully concealed lady-in-waiting was on standby to pick up the pieces as Kate's hair extension glue floundered in the searing heat.

The Earl and Countess of Bumcrack are both 69.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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