My life as a man #14

Funny story: My life as a man #14

I've got the Anger Management Class Blues I have hated Yankees since my ill-spent youth. I grew up in the hills of the Virginias and Carolinas. Every summer, my family spent countless hot hours manning an Apple Cider (and Apple Brandy) stand alongside US 60, in Kanawha County, West Virginia. We owned an apple orchard, and for my family, during the season, it was all hands on deck, prun...

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Afghanistan Tactical Shift

British defence secretary Philip Hammond has said there will be no change in the current Afghanistan military strategy. Back and to the Left news finds this a little strange as when we do something wrong multiple times we change our tactics. The difference is if we do something wrong it doesn't cost the arms, legs and lives of people. "Our tactics in Afghanistan are spot on and I defy anybo...

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The EDL Act Like A Bunch Of Bellends. Again.

An EDL march through Walsall almost went off peacefully, but the sight of a slightly brown dog set off the more racist elements in the crowd. Upon spotting the dog (which could not be contacted for a interview) a group of skinheads, who's combine...

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Poltergeist plays havoc with Queen's knickers

Funny story: Poltergeist plays havoc with Queen's knickers

Balmoral - A pesky phantom is being blamed for snatching the Queen's knickers during a performance of Mozart's Cosy Fanny Tutti this week. The royal arse was left in the buff as HM sat through the 1790 three-act Opera Buffa at the Loch Ness Operat...

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Little Divot Pub To Host World's First Silent Karaoke

Funny story: Little Divot Pub To Host World's First Silent Karaoke

The Bingowing Tavern in the sleepy village of Little Divot is about to embark on a ground breaking new idea that is sure to become the world's next biggest craze. The idea for a silent karaoke was dreamed up by the Bingowing's lardy landlord, Stev...

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Paul Ryan's Advisers Advise Him To Cancel His VP Debate

Funny story: Paul Ryan's Advisers Advise Him To Cancel His VP Debate

BAD AXE, Michigan - In a move that has surprised most political pundits, word filtering out of the Paul Ryan campaign camp is that he has been advised by his top advisers to cancel his October 11, participation in the Vice-Presidential Debate with Vi...

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Safety Officer Pinned To Wall By Runaway Forklift Truck

Funny story: Safety Officer Pinned To Wall By Runaway Forklift Truck

The horrendous accident occurred at somewhere around nine am this morning in a warehouse on an industrial estate in Burnley, Lancashire, owned by Spoffco, a novelty greetings card company. Alert employees immediately called the emergency services...

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Emergency replacement on Strictly

Funny story: Emergency replacement on Strictly

On Thursday after tripping over partner Johnny Ball's feet when he asked her to think of a number in the middle of a foxtrot Strictly Come Dancing professional Aliona Vilani fell and broke her ankle. With the first live show coming up fast the BBC ha...

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World Famous QC Passes Away

Funny story: World Famous QC Passes Away

It is with some sadness, but mostly with hilarious laughter, that we announce the passing of Lord Simon Saunders QC. He passed away aged eighty-three years and one week after a short and comical illness. He spent much of his life trying to help others (buy him pints). He became the youngest QC in British history at the age of three months. Unfortunately, he was unable to practice because o...

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Eggs? Sausages? How Do You Like Yours?

Funny story: Eggs? Sausages? How Do You Like Yours?

The following was reported in the papers yesterday: "Poached, scrambled, boiled or fried. We all have our preference for how to cook an egg. But the choice reveals more than just our culinary tastes - it also highlights our personalities and reveals secrets about social class and even sex drive. Scientists quizzed 1,010 adults and found that poached egg eaters are outgoing, boiled egg lo...

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Spielberg based Jurassic Park Velociraptors on England fast bowler Bob Willis

Funny story: Spielberg based Jurassic Park Velociraptors on England fast bowler Bob Willis

Fans of the former Surrey, Warwickshire and England fast bowler Bob Willis, missing from the current T20 Cricket World Cup TV commentary teams, have been forced to hunt him down on the Internet. But hunting him down is a very appropriate phrase, a...

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DC Superhero confronts Christian Grey with surprising result

Funny story: DC Superhero confronts Christian Grey with surprising result

Bruce Wayne AKA Batman and Watchman Daniel Dreiberg AKA Nite Owl have penned an open letter to Christian Grey from '50 Shades of Grey' in it they chastise the billionaire playboy for using his wealth irresponsibly. Like Grey both Wayne and Dreibe...

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A Creepy Peek At What Passes For Literature At Our Local Law Library

Funny story: A Creepy Peek At What Passes For Literature At Our Local Law Library

A LEWD, LASCIVIOUS LOOK AT OUR LOCAL LAW LIBRARY. They say that lawyers are a breed apart. In fact, we should wonder if they are really even be considered a part of the human species at all, especially as evidenced by a peek at these books found at our local campus law library: Famous Humanistic Lawyers- A three page book; one of those being the title page and the other the Table of Contents...

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Boston Celtics Shut Off Phone Service to Ray Allen

Funny story: Boston Celtics Shut Off Phone Service to Ray Allen

When it comes to speed dials and cell phones, the tin can with string will do just fine for Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen. Once the reason Garnett came to Boston to play with the Celtics, Ray Allen jumped ship and swam to Miami over the off-season.

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Quentin Kelp MP - A Bingo Prize and Nail Biting

Dear Constituents I have had a very hectic week or so and please excuse the wet smudges on this newsletter as I admit to feeling unusually sad at the moment. Living disguised as eighty-six year old Ada Marples in Grey Gables Old Person's Home has had a profound, emotional effect on me and I am beginning to question the value of continuing as your elected member. Would I be better working...

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Liechtenstein In Running For UN Security Council Seat

Funny story: Liechtenstein In Running For UN Security Council Seat

Liechtenstein, the tiny and, until now, insignficant Principality, which is sandwiched between Austria and Switzerland, is a hot favourite in the race to be elected to a temporary a seat on the UN Security Council, ahead of Finland and Australia.

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Liam Hemsworth Is Getting Fed Up With Miley Cyrus

Funny story: Liam Hemsworth Is Getting Fed Up With Miley Cyrus

El SEGUNDO - The star of The Hunger Games, Liam Hemsworth, 22, has let it be known that he is getting sick and tired of his fianceƩ Miley Cyrus, 19, carrying on as if she is a 16-year-old school girl. Hemsworth told Hollywood Innuendo that if Mile...

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Kate Middleton's Topless Photos Now Overshadowed By Her Bottomless Photos

Funny story: Kate Middleton's Topless Photos Now Overshadowed By Her Bottomless Photos

NEW YORK CITY - It appears that Kate Middleton is getting more publicity than all of the British royalty combined including Queen Elizabeth II, Prince Philip, Prince Charles, Camilla, and the Duke of Liverpool AKA Timmy Tockerticky. Kate's hubby P...

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Britney Spears Admits She Eats 15 Hot Dogs A Day!

Funny story: Britney Spears Admits She Eats 15 Hot Dogs A Day!

LOS ANGELES - Britney Spears recently stated that she is having a marvelous time being a judge on Simon Cowell's X-Factor. The 30-year-old says that at first she thought that it was going to be hard for her to say no to singing contestants but aft...

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Kirstie Alley Says Lady Gaga Looks Slim To Her

Funny story: Kirstie Alley Says Lady Gaga Looks Slim To Her

HOLLYWOOD - Kirstie Alley took a break from her strenuous workout with Dancing With The Stars partner Maksim "The Mad Russian" Chmerkovskiy to talk with Hollywood Innuendo's Fajita San Guacamole. Alley remarked that this time around on DWTS she is...

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Find Jimmy Hoffa Craze Causing Shovel Shortage In America

Funny story: Find Jimmy Hoffa Craze Causing Shovel Shortage In America

In a frenzy to find the body of Jimmy Hoffa, Americans have made a run on hardware stores stripping them clean of shovels, picks and jackhammers, as well as Christmas lights which had just gone on sale as of yesterday. The frenzy swept the nation af...

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Kate Middleton To Star With Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev In The Vampire Diaries

Funny story: Kate Middleton To Star With Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev In The Vampire Diaries

LOS ANGELES - Mystic Falls will soon be getting a visitor who is one of the most recognized persons in the world. The producer of The Vampire Diaries Manolo Middlezuck has verified that Kate Middleton AKA The Duchess of Cambridge has in fact been...

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Paul Ryan Gets Run Out Of Humptulips, Washington

Funny story: Paul Ryan Gets Run Out Of Humptulips, Washington

HUMPTULIPS, Washington - Paul Ryan's Widow's Peak Vice-Presidential Campaign Bus Tour pulled into the town where pencils were reportedly first invented. He spoke before a crowd that had gathered in the front yard of local styrofoam cup mogul Wilco...

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