Cold War archives show Dallas star Linda Gray 'is John F Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe's daughter'

Funny story written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

image for Cold War archives show Dallas star Linda Gray 'is John F Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe's daughter'
OMG! No wonder Miz Ellie was so po-faced in the early episodes!

Yorba Linda, CA - "No wonder they shot JFK, RFK and dastardly JR," a former curator at the Richard Nixon Presidential Library and Museum commented as news of the DNA test findings finally broke.

Buried under mountains of conspiracy theory dossiers at the Nixon mammorial - er...Memorial! - Archives the 1959 paternity tests show JFK fathered his eldest daughter with a very under-age Norma Jeane Mortensen, circa 1940.

Hollywood studio bosses acted swiftly to ensure a hasty, informal adoption never bothered any relevant authorities and the pretty child was brought up in blissful ignorance.

However the ensuing cover-up was discovered by Ike's Veep during a trawl of Kennedy family secrets ahead of his Presidential tilt against JFK in 1960.

"Nixon found the paper trail leading to evidence of a one-off arrangement fee," the Museum source said, "by way of a check signed by Joe Kennedy himself.

"This paid off various hospital staff and Norma Jeane's furious mother Gladys Pearl Baker who signed a lifelong confidentiality agreement against ever contacting her grand-daughter."

Curiously enough the deception may never have surfaced if it hadn't been for Caroline Kennedy's extraordinary facial resemblance to both Linda Gray and daughter Kehly Sloane from her 21 year marriage to art director/photographer Ed Thrasher.

It meant the whole sordid Kennedy family secret was very nearly outed until Caroline's cousin Kerry Kennedy Cuomo played devil's advocate and quashed any chance of public exposure.

Of course Marilyn's death remains a tragic 'suicide'.

But the siting of the Nixon Library at Yorba Linda Boulevard at Yorba Linda in California speaks volumes.

Note: During her awesome acting career Linda Gray has received plenty of gongs including two Golden Globe Award nominations and a Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Dead - er...Lead! - Actress in a Drama Series

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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