Midsomer Murders "Master Class" - TV Review
Iphigenia Fields writes: This latest episode in the annals of Tom Barnaby's murder investigations has to rate with the absolute best. A show that has an internationally-renowned piano teacher (James Fox) attempting to preserve his talent gene for the future through incest and two doting daughters as his shield and sword, has to be admired. We find ourselve asking, however, why Barnaby (Jo...
Read full storyA Village Desolated: Destructive Fire At Keyport, NJ. Thirty-one Buildings Destroyed
KEYPORT, N.J., Sept. 22. A Watchman aboard the Steamer "Keyport" was the first to cry, "Fire!", when he spotted the beginning of the devastating fire that ripped through downtown Keyport, NJ last night, destroying thirty-one building and doing damage expected to be in the tens of dollars. "We believe that the fire started by two women with a kerosene lamp, who live in a small room behind ol' Ab...
Read full storyMidsomer Murders Fans Furious At Lack Of Stiffs!
Fans of TV detective series Midsomer Murders were up in arms last night after they had to wait for more than 80 minutes into the two-hour show for their first body. Viewers accustomed to murder, mayhem and bodies all over the place in the otherwis...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Admits She Is Also Attracted To Justin Bieber
Move over Miley Cyrus, Kristen Stewart in a new interview in this week's "The Daily Doozer", candidly admits that she has also been interested in young singing sensation, Justin Bieber. "I don't think Miley and I are the only ones", she told the T...
Read full storyMexican Pirates Kill My Husband. And The Easter Bunny Stole His Body. And Santa Cut Him into Pieces. And Tinkerbell Hid Him in my Freezer, to Frame Me.
A woman who reported that her husband was shot in the head by Mexican pirates denied she had anything to do with his death, and a Texas sheriff said he had no doubts about her story. Tiffany Hartley said her husband, David, was shot Thursday on Fa...
Read full storyPresident Obama Gets Eviction Notice from China
At an emergency press conference today, a shocked and embarrassed US President, Barack Obama, announced that China has just delivered him an eviction notice for the entire country. "Wow", exclaimed a shocked Obama. "This is a real bummer. I me...
Read full storyNew British Driving Test
To bring the British parking test into the 21st century, new elements will be introduced into the final test, and will have to be taught alongside traditional parts, such as parallel parking, emergency stops and hill starts. In order to make space fo...
Read full storyBrown Sugar: Gordon's New Job
He's worked in Number 11 and Number 10. Now he's moving all the way to Number 2 at 9. Yes, former Prime Minister Gordon Brown walked out of his current position as the Stig and joined another one of the BBC's hit programmes: The Apprentice. Con...
Read full storyDaily Mail: OK, we lied.
A massive first for the Daily Mail, who recently published an article which will cause more controversy than Justin Beiber. As it turns out, we're not going to die after all. Risks of cancer are totally fake. There will be no R2D2 virus. As it tur...
Read full storyChelsea Handler Burps, Fills Room With 50-Scent.
Giving credence to the rumour that 50-Cent has f--ked every single woman in the world under 200 lbs and/or 45 years old, he's started dating 50-something Grammy host-epicfail Chelsea Handler. And Chelsea put the rumours to rest at the craft servi...
Read full storyPrincess Diana's ghost seen at Commonwealth Games as Camilla sweats buckets in heavy tights
No matter how hard she tries, poor Camilla will always be relegated to the Rottweiler category. Witness her appearance with the dried-out old Royal sausage Charles at the Commonwealth Games - trotted out in heavy tights, more like compression stoc...
Read full storyChurchill's secret shame revealed
Recently released papers reveal that Britain came close to losing the Second World War due to a fit of pique by the then prime minister Winston Churchill. The papers show that in the spring of 1941 Churchill had received a telegram from President...
Read full storyLocal Man In Supermarket Cheap Beer Face Off
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, a dashingly handsome and outrageously charming 25 year old sex God (ignore that bit - it simply isn't true. He's a right boring old fart really) was today upstaged as he went to buy beer up the local supermarket in orde...
Read full storyAn Unlikely Dream
I had this dream about the Tory Conference. George Osborne alienated his core voters and the Daily Mail had apoplexy. Cameron apologised for the gigantic cock up and said sorry for the atrocious mathematics, but it was all because of the mess left by Labour. Boris tried to get the limelight and failed. Warring factions threatened to cause problems. LibDems complained they didn't know about the...
Read full storyUkranian lion tamer attacked, he forgot to feed them!
A Ukranian lion tamer has been attacked by his otherwise well-behaved and obedient big-cats. Ths incident occurred during a performance in the circus and was sent round the world via U Tube (not them they're on strike). Luckily the lion tamer,...
Read full storyGeorge Osborne Proposes '1.9 Children Per Family' Limit
Conservative Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has caused outrage in a speech in which he says that, rather than scrapping Child Benefit, he is to put a proposition to the House of Commons that a 'childbirth limit' is to be set, to prevent p...
Read full storyX-Factor hopeful is gonna win... Despite losing already
UK betmakers have proven how clever they really are this weekend, having taken bets already about who's going to win the X-Factor. Having seen the Final 12, betmakers across the UK have started taking bets on who's going to win. Many are backing X...
Read full storySay YES to naughtiness - local man complains about misleading advertisements
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, a dashingly handsome 27 year old superstud (that part's pure fiction - ed) today expressed his dissatisfaction with an advert on his favourite website, TheSpoof.com Shuttlecock bombarded site administrator Mark Lowto...
Read full storyCharlie the smoking chimp proves that smoking is really, healthy?
South African smoking Chimp Charlie (RIP) has proven to the world that being a chain smoking primate has no bad effects on the lungs and survived till the ripe old of 52 chimp years (roughly 250 human years, wow!). Charlie was quite an institution...
Read full storyAlice Roberts Story - New Turn: Michael Wood's Torso Demanded by Female Fans
A group of female fans of TV historian Michael Wood have contacted us demanding to put their side in the continuing Alice Roberts dress/undress saga. Since late August, we have been following the wrangling between fan groups eager to see TV presen...
Read full storyAlice Roberts Story Latest: Callers Seek Nude Laura Kuenssberg Photos
The endless story concerning the required state of dress for female TV presenters dragged in another new name yesterday. It emerged that the latest object of fan desire is BBC political correspondent Laura Kuenssberg when our reporter was approach...
Read full storyLiverpool Are Shit
Liverpool Football Club, the once-proud Red crusaders, who, after beating all other teams into submission on the domestic front, sallied forth into mainland Europe, conquered all pretenders to their throne and became the envy of the footballing world...
Read full storyHairy Moment for the Brown Theory!
Scientists with long beards have discovered the reason that some males to grow hair on their upper lip. Fondness of the colour brown is now known to be the dominant factor in this phenomenon. Shaving historians (the people with knowledge of shavi...
Read full storyTwin Attack on Yemen
Mary Kate and Ashley Olson. John and Edward. Romulus and Remus. And Patty and Selma from the Simpsons. Yemen was today in shock following Twin Attacks on the capital of Yemen, Sanaa. Tourists were shocked as 100,000 twins; spearheaded by the above...
Read full storyLiverpool new owners seeking fresh "Korea" move.
Rejoice Liverpool fans. Your anguishes could soon be over, following the board accepting a new offer from an unknown investor. The North Korean investor, Kim Jong-Un, was rewarded with his promotion recently to have a kitty of 500 million British...
Read full storyLocal Man Pens Story Number 2,000 - Wife Insists He's An Idiot
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, was cock-a-hoop today as he succeeded in penning his 2,000th Spoof News story on popular satirical website TheSpoof.com. Indeed, so chuffed is Shuttlecock that he is contemplating donning his long leather coat and pork...
Read full storyWind Farms are not as green as you would think
Opponents to Wind Farms now have one more arrow in their bow to try and block the construction of Wind Farms. New research has proven what should have been obvious. Wind Farms reduce the intensity of the wind. "When you stop and think about...
Read full storyBritain Sick To Death of Bloody Meerkats
A new Mori survey out today has shown that Great Britain is "sick to death" of meerkats. Meerkats have risen from the relative obscurity of "small mammal" in zoos to play an increasingly large role in today's media and advertising. One large...
Read full storyThe Revolution Will Not Be Televised
As Skoob News shamelessly scrapes the bottom of the satire barrel for newsworthy items, our man in Whitehall was listening to his iPod when he heard a tune entitled 'The Revolution Will Not Be Televised' by the Godfather of rap, Gil Scott Heron. W...
Read full storyYou're all outmanoeuvered by bastards like me says Blair
New York - (Poodle Brothers Mess): The ex-Prime Monster said today he had 'outspent, outmanoeuvred and out-strategised' all his opponents "so Yah Boo Sux!" Speaking at the Ancient American Order of the Skull 'N' Bones annual dinner Blair praised t...
Read full storyBoston Red Sox buy Liverpool Football Club
Former owners of Liverpool FC, Hocks and Sellit, are warning the new owners to be careful when they finally come in and complete the deal to take ownership of Liverpool FC. "When we took over Liverpool FC in 2007," said spokesman for Hocks and Sel...
Read full storyJames Cameron And Steven Spielberg Tussle Over Rights To 'Born To Spoof' Collaboration
Hollywood directorial titans James Cameron and Steven Spielberg reportedly locked horns over who should have the rights to a little heard of magazine collaboration between writers from popular satirical website TheSpoof.com. Both directors apparen...
Read full storyArse wiping assistance requirements increase
According to a new health organisation survey, there has been an increase in people who can no longer reach their own bottoms due to their arms being too short or in some cases, the arse itself has moved further away, either way, there are increasing...
Read full storyTiger Woods Reborn as Cigar Guy Gives Him Hogan's Secret
Tiger Woods is back Jack! After struggling for an entire year Tiger Woods came alive in the Ryder Cup singles and made 7 birdies, a hole out eagle and several bombs in 14 holes in defeating Francesco Molinari. After the match Francesco said, "Look, I...
Read full storyChild Benefit Cuts - Crackheads In Revolt
Crackheads all over the country were last night putting their heads together with a view to starting a protest movement over the proposed axing of Child Benefit by the Con-Dem government. Child Benefit payments are a vital constituent of 97% of Cr...
Read full storyAnna Chapman singing strippergram video for Putin birthday Thursday
Moscow - (The Spy Who Gagged Me Mess): The flamed haired siren's video tribute is a birthday suit rendition of 'Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word'. A YouBoob! channel sneak preview sees Anna peeling off her 'Agent Provocateur' layers as she mouth...
Read full storyClowns Picket Alton Towers Claiming Not To Be Evil
There was widespread panic at Alton Towers yesterday as thousands of clowns armed with outsized shoes and plastic buttonholes that squirt water out chained themselves to railings at the Staffordshire theme park. The clowns are upset about a new Ha...
Read full storyMore X-Factor Controversy As Chloe Mafia Rumoured To Take Wild Card Slot Over Gamu
Controversy continues to dog Simon Cowell's X-Factor show as rumours surfaced today that a wild card slot will be awarded to alleged Wakefield prostitute Chloe Mafia, once again leaving the people's choice, Gamu Nhengu out in the cold. A friend of...
Read full storySherlock and me
In every single way but one, I'm just like Sherlock Holmes. But then again I don't play the violin or peruse his weighty tomes. But I do so love a good mystery when the circumstance allow although I can not solve them, I'm just like him anyhow. NO, I haven't got a deerstalker and I've never stalked a deer. If that is why he wore that hat, the inference wasn't clear. I've never lived...
Read full storyBenefits funded my boob job
As many families face losing benefits, or at the very least seeing them reduced, one unemployed single mother has decided to treat herself. Schappelle Rooty-Fucknuckle, 34, has never worked, has five children by four different fathers and claims b...
Read full storyWinter
Winter has had enough of itself; it wants to do something else nothing drastic or abnormal like be a businessman or an elf. It just wants to have a crack at being something new, like spring or autumn, that would be cool, and cool is one thing he can do. It's not very sure if summertime, is something that it could pull off, and anyway he would only miss the fireworks and all th...
Read full storySeattle Opens First Self-Help Health Clinics in US
SEATTLE, Washington - A group of enterprising doctors today were granted a license by the State Board of Medical Examiners in Washington State to open the first of what they hope to be many self-help walk-in clinics in America. Based on the concep...
Read full storyPurple potatoes, husband unhappy with multi cultural food.
The sale of purple potatoes is causing quite a stir the length and breadth of Christendom today as healthful housewives are purchasing the puce produce by the pan-load. The reason for the sudden interest in the beta version of this newly tried and...
Read full storyCamilla mistaken for Diana in Commonwealth Games gaffe
As Prince Charles and his drop-dead gorgeous wife, Camilla, arrived at the Commonwealth Games in Delhi yesterday, the President of the Games made an embarrassing mistake. Whilst greeting the royal couple, Mr Mahatma Koat shook hands with the old m...
Read full storyOwners of Twitter Announce Rollout of 'Adult' Twatter
The new CEO of Twitter didn't take long to come up with a few new initiatives that he says will have the big guys like Google and IAC/InterActiveCorp falling over themselves to re-think whether they want to plunk down a few billion to buy the Twitter...
Read full storySibelius/Leonard Bernstein - DVD review
Symphonies - No 1, in E min; No 2 in D; No 5 in E flat; No 7 in C. Vienna Philharmonic/Leonard Bernstein. Pierre Noxious writes: Bloody hell! I just heard on the radio - just this second on Radio 4's Midweek - that the guy who wrote Amazing Grace was a vicar and a slave trader! What you can learn, eh? I like to listen to Radio 4 when I'm writing - or last night's Radcliffe & Mac...
Read full storyDrunk Woman Enlivens Dull Ryder Cup
Andi Panday has made national headlines by appearing drunk during an interview at the Ryder Cup, turning the dullest, most boring golf tournament on the planet into the second most dull and boring golf tournament on the planet. Ms Panday of Garfor...
Read full storyJohn Lennon Tribute Guitar Fails To Impress Axemen
Legendary guitar manufacturer Gibson has been slammed by guitarists for its plans to release a John Lennon "signature" model. Asked by Lennon's widow, Yoko Ono, to mark his 70th birthday, Gibson plan to release a limited number of specially-built...
Read full storyWar link to death
An official report has shown a definite link between the deaths of tens of thousands of people in Afghanistan and Iraq and war. The Sherlock Higher Institute of Thought based in the French town of Sansmerde published their surprising conclusion on...
Read full storyResearchers announce Artificial Intelligence breakthrough
Scientists announced today that they have developed a computer which exceeds the capacity of the human brain. Dubbed "Halle" the computer is said to represent true Artificial Intelligence; it is self-aware, thinks, and learns. But there is a down...
Read full storyGOP Support Dems Oppose Shipping Radioactive Waste on Great Lakes
As the liberal media beats the dead horse to death about Christine O'Donnell's witch comments, the most important issue to have ever faced mankind is going absolutely unnoticed. The issue is whether or not to allow Canada to ship radioactive waste ac...
Read full storyUS Right Wingers Take Leaf From Philippino Book Over Anthem
Right-wing republicans are backing a plan that will stop soulful, rocked-up or jazzy renditions of The Star-Spangled Banner. The idea comes in the wake of a vote by lawmakers in the Philippines to fine and jail people who get their anthem wrong. T...
Read full story10 Reasons Why The Philadelphia Eagles Can't Win The Super Bowl With - Or Without - Michael Vick.
I predicted that the Philadelphia Eagles were destined to be a mediocre team this season. "Write it on a wall," I wrote. "It can't happen any other way. Tthe 2010 Philadelphia Eagles are not built to win this year." I was kinda wrong. Let's begin at the beginning. Every fan was in shock when the Eagles signed Vick, fresh outta jail. He didn't seem to be an Eagles-type guy. But he was sign...
Read full storyKevin Kolb: "Thanks for the $12 million a year. I'll try to suck less. Naaah, not really."
Philadelphia Eagles Head Coach Andy Reid, in his local talk show "Eagles and Pudding: My Two Favorite Things", called sh-tty quarterback Kevin Kolb to task for not being able to play football worth a damn, and Kevin Kolb has responded. "It's amazi...
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