Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 6 October 2010

image for George Osborne Proposes '1.9 Children Per Family' Limit
One of Osborne's children-catchers

Conservative Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has caused outrage in a speech in which he says that, rather than scrapping Child Benefit, he is to put a proposition to the House of Commons that a 'childbirth limit' is to be set, to prevent people from having families that are too large.

The limit he proposes is 1.9 children per family.

Osborne, a former data entry clerk who also spent a brief spell at Selfridges - not exactly perfect preparation for controlling the country's finances - MW - made the astonishing comments to placate those who faced having their family allowance taken away, but has now angered everyone planning to have a second child.

Osborne, real name George Gideon Oliver Osborne, is a huge fan of chairman Mao Tse Tung, and hopes to implement the China-like kid-prevention scheme before Christmas, so that he can ruin that as well.

This afternoon, a succession of men dressed in multi-coloured suits and armed with pipes was admitted to 10 Downing Street, from wherein a mystical and alluring sound could be heard by those outside.

Rats fled the scene in droves.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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