Sean Penn Admits That His Winky Is Exactly The Same Size As Jon Gosselin's 3-Inch Winky
YUCATAN, Mexico - Sean Penn was in the jungles of Mexico's Yucatan Peninsula on an expedition to the Mayan ruins of Los Frijoles Borrachos (The Drunken Beans) when he suddenly began to feel ill. His Mayan guide Goopie Juarez noticed that Penn's f...
Read full storyMan has foot imprisoned after Welsh arrow blunder
A man who shot and killed a complete stranger in Chester with a bow and arrow has had his foot imprisoned by a judge at The Old Bailey. The accused, John Doyley, claimed he had only intended to wound the victim, 47 year old David Anwyl, and that h...
Read full storyThousands Face Misery as BA Cabin Crew Turn up for Work
In the latest update to the long running dispute involving British Airways and BA Cabin Crew it has been announced tonight that striking staff plan to implement two weeks of untold misery to the traveling public by actually turning up for work. In...
Read full storyKray Twins were Queen Mother's sons say patio corpse cops
London - (Concrete Patio Mess): In their misspent youth they made Venables and Thompson seem like the angelic host. And for fifty years their reign of terror kept the fetid Queen Mother impersonator Viole(n)t Freeman sitting pretty in grace and fa...
Read full storyOprah Proves Howard Stern Wrong: Gabourney Sidibe Will Star In "Oprah Winfrey - The Fat As Hell Years"
CHICAGO - Television talk show host Oprah Winfrey has just proved radio talk show host Howard Stern wrong; very wrong. Stern aka "The Voice of Vulgarity" remarked that Oscar-nominated Gabourney Sidibe, who weighs 603½ would never again make anoth...
Read full storyCharity calls for OED to close the book on 'Facebooking'
A charity that counsels abused library staff has petitioned the Oxford English Dictionary to drop the verb 'Facebooking' from the official new words due to be added to the next version of its dictionary. The popularity of social networking website...
Read full storyMarie Osmond Raising Eyebrows Among Other Things By Performing With Donny
Following the funeral after the tragic death of her son, Marie Osmond returned to the stage that night to perform with her brother, Donny, in Las Vegas. "I had to get out and shake a leg or I was going crazy", Marie told "The Blues Funk" magazine.
Read full storyCourt orders the BNP to allow non-whites to join the party it's now called the BMCNP (British multi-culti Nationalist party)
A court ruling has forced Nick Griffin and his BNP to allow non-white people to join his party. There are many non-whites wishing to join Nick and his "Comrades" and the BNP is about to open it's doors to all British citizens wishing to stand up f...
Read full storyFootball Match Therapeutic for Sex Addicted Tiger Woods
Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren were seen at the Manchester United match on Tues. March 6 (Man Utd 1, Wolves 0). It was so unexpected that paparazzi missed the whole thing. Woods and Nordegren arrived and left on private charter plane and stayed on...
Read full storyFlintstone Pedal Car Tops All Mileage and Safety Lists
Apparently the fabled cartoon family had it right all along, basing their primary mode of transportation on foot power and renewable materials. With zero emissions, unless you count an occasional anal blast from the driver, the stone wheeled wooden...
Read full storyTiger Woods Tells Real Reason Behind Infidelities
Tiger Woods has finally revealed one of the things that made him seek woman other than his wife, that has been in so many tabloids for the past six months. "I thought Charlie wasn't mine", stated a downcast Tiger. I was upset and I did a lot of th...
Read full storyVienna Boys Choir sex scandal fury
Austria - (Gay Ass Mess): The aggrieved choristers are blaming Salzburg Archbishop Alois Goth-Gasser and his Paypal (sic) chums for the latest sex abuse scandal to emerge from neo-Nazi Austria. Decades - maybe centuries! - of sordid shenanigans ha...
Read full storyObama severely burned after "Getting Fired Up"
Obama was severely burned during a rally at Arcadia University after spontaneously combusting while "getting fired up" about Health Care reform. The President is resting comfortably at Bethesda Medical Center, heavily sedated and a bit confused,...
Read full storyBNP welcomes all
The BNP are now going out of their way to welcome all races to their party. They no longer recognise the term 'black board' instead calling it a dark grey chalk highlighter and it doesn't stop there. Partial to a little Peking Duck and Flied Lice? We...
Read full storyDuane Chambers to star in Macbeth
Britain's best hope in the 100 meters is quitting the track to become a Thespian. The 31 year old steroid snorter is sick of the constant training and blisters and has therefore decided to swap careers. Ms Constance Sequin, a representative of The...
Read full storyJihad Jane Claims On Terrorism: "It was performance art."
(Philadelphia-PA) Colleen Renee LaRose, the "Jihad Jade" of YouTube, has dropped a bomb and not of the terrorist variety. As she sits in her federal prison cell awaiting trail for recruiting Muslim extremists, LaRose claims it was "all performance a...
Read full storyBenitez Impersonator Arrested
A man was arrested on Merseyside today for impersonating the dodgy tickered, Liverpool manager. Kenny Ryan from the Pool, who looks uncannily like Rafa was attempting to board a bus near the famous Anfield ground when he got into a row about the lack...
Read full storyNew 'Slang' terms to enter dictionary
Dictionaries are about to explain the many UK 'slang' terms, or Dissess as they are known by opening our eyes (and ears) to many of our youth's put downs. Terms such as "You're a right Gordon," (referring to a feckless idiot likely to squander loa...
Read full storyKatie Price In Financial Crisis
Katie Price is to spend her entire fortune on the production of the film of her own life. The film, which will be based on her autobiographies and behind-the-scenes reveal-all TV series is reported to be on general release some time next year. In...
Read full storyDog the Bounty Hunter hired to track down Venables & Thompson
Dog The Bounty Hunter has been hired to track down Jon Venables And Robert Thompson the killers of two year old James Bulger. A Secret Millionaire has instructed The Get The Bastards Club to hire Chapman to track down the evil pair and find out their...
Read full storyJames Brown's Body Turns Up Missing
According to one of his allegedly illegitimate offspring, the body of the late and much lamented 'Godfather Of Soul' James Brown, has gone missing in what has been described as a bid by organized crime bosses to get their hands on the star's money.
Read full storyAlmost the reason for Liverpool's dismal season
The reason for the shocking performance of Liverpool FC this season had almost been discovered today. Cleaners at Bell End Community Centre in Manchester investigated "muffled" noises coming from lockers in the changing rooms. Upon closer inv...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Sick - Or Is She Pregnant?
Media darling and self appointed 'People's Princess' Cheryl Cole, the Geordie pop warbler out of Girls Aloud and oft to be seen sympathetically sobbing stalwart of the X-Factor has cancelled all public engagements for the immediate future. Which m...
Read full storyChristine Bleakley Water-Skis The Channel - Frank Lampard Spotted 'Hovering'
The One Show presenter, Christine Bleakley has successfully completed her attempt to water ski across the English Channel, raising funds for charity in aid of needy Africans. Bleakley set off early this morning from the south coast near Dover and...
Read full storyLearn the art of Gynaecology
Cash strapped colleges and Universities around the country are developing new courses to attract students in September. "It's simple, we need the money and so classes are now available in almost any subject imaginable," said one college official...
Read full storyCorey Haim not dead
Conflicting reports are emerging around American "actor" Corey Haim. Haim is apparently alive and well. Journalists claim Haim staged his own death as he was upset he was not famous enough. However, close family and friends state that expens...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Says Parrot Freaking Her Out
Cheryl Cole says that a family parrot handed down to her from her great grandmother who recently died at 102, is freaking her out. "He does all these voices of dead people from our family. The bird must be at least 80-90 years old and it remembers...
Read full storyAlex Reid Is Missing
Cross-dressing cage-fighting Alex Reid, the second husband belonging to Britian's favourite perfume brand, Katie Price, is believed to be missing. Alex was last seen with Katie as they discreetly visited sex shops in Los Angeles earlier this week...
Read full storyJon Venables says "Out me"
Child killer turned paedophile Jon Venables has today announced he has told courts he doesn't care if he is "outed" or not. Holding up his two fingers he reportedly said "bring it on, tell 'em my name, tell 'em where I am" he then continued "forg...
Read full storyToddler's behaviour calls science into question
The scientific community was rocked yesterday by claims that the world may not revolve around the sun as previously thought and may in fact revolve around two-year-old Molly Jones from Little Clarendon Street, Oxford. Professor David Jones of Oxfo...
Read full storyNessy back in the Loch
Much to the relief of Nessy followers, Nessy has been returned to the Loch - Nessy's Minder, Dennis Waterman, his pals Allun and James, successfully worked towards getting Nessy returned. An added bonus, the police apprehended a group of American...
Read full storyF1 Fury as drivers "conk out"
Disaster strikes in Bahrain at the opening race of the 2010 grand prix. Maclaren, Ferrari et al have gone berserk at F1 chiefs as the new "no refuelling" rule comes into play. Coupled with the new lower weight restrictions on the race cars, vehi...
Read full storyElvis Lyrics Discovered on Jailhouse Wall
After stripping a jail cell wall of many coats of paint, restoration workers discovered the lyrics to an early chart buster by Elvis Presley scratched in the cement. Paint worker Bubba Leuellen first spotted scratches with the words "The warden th...
Read full storyCongress fired - Nation's capital to be moved
This reporter has learned from a reliable top official in the Obama administration that the executive branch of government is secretly planning the move of Washington D.C. to a small town in Nebraska. The move will keep the majority of personne...
Read full storyStop what you're eating
A multibillion dollar worldwide survey of 4 trainee scientists, each educated to a minimum Grade D GCSE (or equivalent), has reached the conclusion that indeed, all food is bad for human consumption. The three year survey funded by the British ta...
Read full storyMark Owen booze Hell
Mark Owen has today told how he feels going without booze is worse than being burned in hell whilst being forced to listen to take that songs for the rest of eternity. In fact, "being sober is so bad" states Owen, that he has enlisted the help of...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Reject Lilly Scott Cries Out "I Don't Know What America Wants To Hear?" (Here's A Hint: It Ain't You!)
HOLLYWOOD - The tallest girl in this year's bunch of American Idol females Lilly Scott was sent packing back to the "Mile High City" Denver, Colorado. Lilly "Not So Great" Scott sang an old Patsy Cline song that was written during the American Civ...
Read full storyJesus For President 2016 - Conservatives Have A Hemorrhage
Jesus Christ Himself announced His candidacy for the President of the United States in 2016. Rather than commencing with the long awaited Second Coming, the Big Three (Father, Son and Holy Ghost) changed game plans and decided that the political...
Read full storySelena Gomez Buys Tijuana, Mexico
LOS ANGELES - Selena Gomez has announced that she has just purchased the city of Tijuana, Mexico. When asked what she paid for the Mexican border town Gomez stated that she would rather not say as it was a personal business matter that did not con...
Read full storyAmerican Idol: Singer Big Mike Lynche Made Kara DioGuardi Cry
HOLLYWOOD - Kara DioGuardi showed the American Idol live audience as well as the viewers at home that she is not the mean heartless "She Dog From The Big Apple" that a lot of people think she is. DioGuardi showed that she can cry. She cried severa...
Read full storyU.S. set to prosecute candymaker
"Two hundred fifty-six billion cavities and counting", says the head of a Senate investigative committee on health and welfare, J.P. Piedmont Morgan, VI. "It's a dental disaster of the most decadent kind. We have indicted the candy industry for...
Read full storyAshley Cole Reports Someone Has Broken Into His Home
LONDON - Chelsea football star and womanizing twit, Ashley Cole has told the local authorities that someone broke into his mansion in Godalming while he was out trying to buy something nice for his his wife Cheryl in hopes that she gives him a third,...
Read full storyShanna Moakler Says That Carrie Prejean Is A Bigger Hypocrite Than Dick Cheney
LOS ANGELES - One of the directors of the Miss USA Pageant, Shanna Moakler has stated that she has never in her life known a bigger hypocrite than Carrie Prejean, with the one possible exception of Dick "The Dick" Cheney. Moakler, ex-wife of Blink...
Read full story"Stop telling the truth about Greece"
Just minutes ago, Greece's prime minister George Papandreou made an announcement to the world's press as reporters were gathered urgently to get his statement. He was nearly ranting and in the end he threw a vase towards the thspoof.com reporter...
Read full storyGreek Strike affects Wall Street
After all the attempts of Greek prime minister to get a loan from Germany and other countries which failed miserably, the Greek government decided to announce a series of public-sector workers' pay cuts that would help the situation a little. Mos...
Read full storyKristen Stewart - Dakota Fanning - Hardcore Scene - Hands Off!
Twilight star Kristen Stewart was told in no uncertain terms to keep her hands off Dakota Fanning as the two filmed a lesbian kissing scene from upcoming movie 'The Runaways' In the movie, Stewart plays real life rocker Joan Jett and Fanning plays...
Read full story