American Idol: Singer Big Mike Lynche Made Kara DioGuardi Cry

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 12 March 2010

image for American Idol: Singer Big Mike Lynche Made Kara DioGuardi Cry
Big Mike eats four Big Macs before each American Idol performance.

HOLLYWOOD - Kara DioGuardi showed the American Idol live audience as well as the viewers at home that she is not the mean heartless "She Dog From The Big Apple" that a lot of people think she is.

DioGuardi showed that she can cry. She cried several tears (7) after Mike Lynche sang his rendition of "This Woman's Work."

Randy asked Kara if she was crying because the day before Ellen (DeGeneres) had snuggled up to her BFF Simon Cowell and actually come close to giving the "Viceroy of Venom" a hickey.

Kara shook her head and said that it was part of the reason, but mostly because she recalled how during one of the auditions Big Mike, who weighs 417 stepped on her left foot almost breaking three toes.

Ellen agreed. She said that she did not cry, but she recalled how when Big Mike picked her up during Hollywood Week she heard a snap, crackle, and pop sound and there was no cereal anywhere around the set.

Simon chimed in by saying that he actually told Mike beforehand that if he even dared to try and hug him, squeeze him, or lift him he would see to it that he would be terminated and sent packing back to whereever the hell it is he's from.

SIDENOTE: Big Mike has become one of this season's top male American Idol singers. Ryan Seacrest says that Mr. Lynche has to learn how to act a little more humble instead of walking around like he is the industrial-sized version of Kanye West.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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