All British jails closed as crime falls to zero under Cameron

Funny story written by goldie 206

Thursday, 1 July 2010

image for All British jails closed as crime falls to zero under Cameron
One happy ex-offender leaving Bellmarsh prison with a fat cheque!

Last night the last jail in Britain was closed. Now all the prisons are being either pulled down or converted to recreation centres for ex-criminals. A dramatic drop in crime to zero has occurred under the new premiership of PM Cameron.

His new initiative has had a tremendous effect on crime in Britain. It was costing a hundred billion pounds to run the prison service what with the upkeep of the jails, the warders wages, the TVs and play stations, computers and sports facilities, for prisoners use.

Now under his radical plan to cut crime "call me Dave" decided to pay all jailbirds two million pounds and freedom if they promise to be good. So far all the released prisoners have not re-offended so it seems the plan is working.

All highly paid judges have been sacked and made redundant as well as prosecution and defence lawyers saving thirty billion pound of taxpayers money.

Anybody who has not committed an offence but plans to do so can go to a special government office and state what type of crime they were planning and depending on a government scale of seriousness they can claim between a hundred thousand for say a pickpocket offence right up to two millions for bank robbery and murder. The whole idea has saved more than 150 billion for the UK economy in prison costs, lawyer costs, legal aid costs, damages costs, hospital costs and police service costs.

Next month under the scheme all police will put to work entertaining ex-prisoners as even traffic violations get a five hundred pounds payout if they don't do it again.This whole scheme has been so successful that many other countries plan to implement it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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