Written by Stevey G.

Thursday, 1 July 2010

image for Ashley Cole dumps Sarah Purnell...by text.
No more midnight big-mac's for Sarah Purnell

Following our revelation yesterday, that Ashley Cole's latest conquest is Russian-born lady-boy, Lickya Balsov, we can today reveal that Cole has dumped Sarah Purnell....by text!

Purnell, a 23 year old lap-dancer, had been linked romantically with Cole and is said to be devastated at the news.

A friend of Purnell said, 'She just feels humiliated. She thought he was 'the one.' Ashley told her that he loved her and that she reminded him of Cheryl. They talked about marriage and he even treated her to a MacDonald's after they'd had sex.'

Well, it now seems that was the last 'Happy Meal' that Cole and Purnell will be sharing together.

We have learned that Purnell had recently handed in her notice at the Spearmint Rhino Club where she was rumoured to be earning up to £600 per night.

Her friend confirmed, 'She will find it tough. Ashley told her that he would help her with her singing career and get her on TV and so she gave up her job. It's never easy crawling back on your hands and knees to try and get your job back'

Less easy, we would imagine, wearing a thong and a peep-hole bra!

Cole was unavailable for comment today, although a source said that 'Ashley was initially upset that Sarah had sold her story to the press, but then he met Lickya and the rest , as they say, is history.'

Purnell was too distraught to speak with us personally but did release a short statement ' I am too upset to talk about this. Ashley told me he loved me and I now find he was seeing a lady-boy behind my back. It' a lot to take in, I've seen pictures of them together and I just don't know what she's got that I haven't'

Well Sarah.....if you want us to draw you a picture!!!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Ashley Cole

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