Britain has finally topped the medals table at a Winter Olympics. News coming out of the 2010 Vancouver Olympics shows a surge in medals for the much-dead Empire's unwashed media denizens.
At the medals-award ceremonies last night the debt-ridden, wobbling on its last-legs island of Britain scampered up the medals table as the loutish, unwashed, stinky, smelly rotting teeth British media swept the podium in new major disciplines.
Due to the curse of Mother Nature and the quirky snow-situation Vanoc officials had quickly scrambled to put on replacement events.
In the breathalyzer-dental-body hygiene combined sport Vancouver's top media were absolutely outclassed by their Brit rivals.
New Olympic records were set by the Brit media in the following classes as they swept the boards:
Suffocatingly-repulsive gag-me halitosis - G S B
Awful unwashed body odour in the once-a-week bath [classified as a WMD] - G S B
Rottenest teeth and vilest gingivitis courtesy NHS - G S B
Haven't-changed-me-poopy underwear in a month - G S B
Worn-the-same-pair-of-socks-for-a-year [ my gut's too big to bend] - G S B
With more events on the way other Olympic media federations are complaining that the Brits are hogging this event in preparation for Londonistan 2012.
"This is an absolute case of preventing others from competing fairly. This is the Brit media's own version of Own the Londonistan Podium", complained a Russian journalist adding, "I'm glad I wasn't on that podium - they stunk so bad - I'm still gagging".
Lord Smellie of Awfully-Rottenly-Bottomley stood up in Parliament to "congratulate our Brit media for doing us proud. I say, good show chaps. Today all Brits can hold their unwashed heads held high".
Vancouver media, sparkling in their fragrant outfits were gracious in their defeat, flashing their perfectly aligned pearly whites: "This is one category where we don't mind finishing last"
