The 30th TITS awards are to be hosted by Vernon Kay and Russell Brand. The awards bash is to be hosted at the Scunthorpe Licensed Refreshment Rooms and all the big stars are to attend. Rhian Sugden is up for a couple of gongs for her part in "Don't Tell Tess!" whilst Pamela Anderson is expected to achieve a special lifetime achievement for services to small men in very thick glasses.
Kay, speaking from the spare room of his mansion, said "I think this year has been great for TITS. I know I've felt a right one recently. No, Tess, I didn't really feel it. It's just a figure of speech. Tess? Tess! Please come back!"
Some have questioned whether, in these economically challenged times, there should be such an orgy of self-congratulatory bile. However, Russell Brand, unfortunately, had this to say "I think TITS will always be big. I know we've had our knockers but I've got some great mammaries. I don't care what the boob boys say."
Scunthorpe is bracing itself for some major bust-ups as Jordan and Peter Andre are among the guests. Security are determined to keep them apart by forming a protective shield around Jordan. Over 1000 applications for the position of security guard have been received so far.
