'Low Fiber "Atkins-style" Diets Cause of Partisan Iceholeness in DC'

Written by IDIOT

Saturday, 13 February 2010

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Ex-President George W. Bush Blogged that he is "the original 'icehole' but wasn't even on a diet!"

Scientists have finally admitted that the diet fad of the first decade of the 21st century may be the culprit for the icy political situation in our Nation's capitol. The high protein, low carbohydrate, Atkins-style diet has impacted colons across the world and left many people lighter but grumpier.

The current weather situation in the mid-Atlantic area has left many to call the leadership's in both parties lack of communication or even acknowledgment of attempts at bi-partisanship as "iceholeness". Congressional leaders, who need to look fit to be electable, took to the diet like white on rice, but the lack of fiber has turned them into total iceholes.

The FDA and CDC noticed a serious increase in iceholeness, especially in Washington, D.C., in the past decade, had enacted secret but mandatory use of whole grains in every possible food approved by the FDA. It was especially apparent when a major bipartisan leader, Senator John McCain, ran for President and became a total icehole.

"He looked fantastic as a presidential candidate but seemed to be spouting typical partisan garbage" said Dr. Sigmoid of the FDA. "This was very different from a few years before when he co-sponsored a bill on Campaign Finance Reform with Senator Russell Feingold (D=Communist/Socialist) of Wisconsin."

Rush Limbaugh, who has always been an icehole, seems to have upped his game since losing weight a few years ago, thanks to the diet. His weight loss seems to be correlated to his going "too far with subjects" with the start being his making fun of Michael J. Fox's Parkinson's Jitters to lately hoping that Newly Inaugurated President Obama "would fail".

If you think this is only a Republican colon problem then you haven't met current White House Chief-of-Staff Rohm Emanuel or former Governor of Illinois Rod Blagojevich. Both of whom seem to swear like sailors, are infamous iceholes, and kept thin during the naughties with the diet.

This is why even your "Sugar Pops" will now be made with whole grains. These agencies hope that the surge of iceholeness will end by 2015, which is the same time that Economists are estimating that the current major Recession should end as well. By then everyone should have a fantastic bowel movement and feel much better about themselves, their country and the world.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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