Research Monkey Lands Junior Physicist Job at the Hadron Collider, then is terminated next day
Geneva, Switzerland - JoJo, a rescued research monkey and former casual labor employee of Sexxxy Sadie's Topless Dance Club in Baltimore, was recently hired as a Junior Physicist to head up one of the operational systems at the Hadron Collider near G...
Read full storyHoward "Smiley" Stern Has Just Inked A $500 Million Contract With Sirius Radio
NEW YORK CITY - Christmas has come early for 90s 'shock jock' Howard "Smiley" Stern. The radio personality who stands 6 foot 5 inches tall has just signed a five year contract with satellite radio company, Sirius XM, that will pay him $100 million pe...
Read full storyHow a Man Can Grow a Fresh Cherry
With the problem of urban living there isn't enough available cherry trees out there for every guy to enjoy a fresh cherry. You either have to go to a cherry farm to pick a juicy cherry or you have to grow your own cherry tree. The key to picking cherries is timing because unlike some fruit, they only ripen off the vine and are taken very quickly. In order to get the maximum flavor, you should on...
Read full storyBritain Is Seriously Effed Off By An Incompetent Self Serving Government
Where was the Con-Dem government today when the shit hit the fan? Do Nothing Dave and Nasty Nick retired behind the barricades, as the nation told them that they were basically no better than a bag of shit. As student protesters smashed windows in government buildings, including the Treasury, there was a resounding lack of response from this bunch of completely clueless cunts, who were elect...
Read full storyAre Nina Dobrev & Ian Somerhalder Planning A Wedding?
With Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart hogging up all the Vampire pairings there are still other vamps on the loose that make a very interesting couple. Only rumored to be dating at first, many of their fans were blown away when a source told s...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Was Once Engaged To Lady Di Relative
He was only 19 at the time but according to what was released by the press this morning, actor Robert Pattinson was once engaged to a distant cousin of the late Lady Diana, former wife of Prince Charles. The lady's name is apparently 'Anne Hollowa...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner Denies Being In Rehab, Admits He Sees 'Shrink' On Regular Basis
Actor Taylor Lautner has denied that he has been in a rehab for the past two days. "You guys always get everything bass-ackwards ", he told reporters. "I have never been at any rehab although I have seen a psychiatrist on a regular basis but that...
Read full storyFlorida Horror: Lane Kiffin Tosses His Hat in Ring for UF Job after Urban Meyer Announces Retirement!
Saying he'd accomplished all he could at the University of Southern California, USC, vagabond coach Lane Kiffin said he's ready to move on to the job he always wanted; Head Coach of the Florida Gators! Successful Florida head coach Urban Meyer, 4...
Read full storyAtheists Worldwide Are Speaking Out
A female representative of the organization 'Atheists of the World", which has millions of members world wide, sent an email to one of the Spoof's top journalists saying: "We - members of 'Atheists of the World' are planning a protest which will put other protests in our shadow. Protests are being held by all other groups, around the world, protesting for their religious and or political be...
Read full storyWikileaks Posts Wikileaks Founder's Prison Escape Plan
LONDON - Wikileaks has published 57 linear feet of toilet paper detailing Julian Assange's high-tech plan to be broken out of London's Wandsworth prison. The plan consists of Assange apparently being officially transferred to another prison on M...
Read full storySkoob's Birthday Eve
Skoob Birthday Eve - Er, bit of chill it was! The Scoob, for all his leathers, was a-cold; And hare lip'd trembling through the smouldering grass, [Very nearly falling on his arse!...] Silent was the crew in italic bold, Numb were the Spoof...
Read full storyParliament Under Siege
As MP's decided to go home after the day at the office, where they had clobbered the university education of the country, the escape route was closed by people who were underwhelmed by their decision. 'You're in for an all night sitting' explained...
Read full storySepp Blatter To Be Guest X-Factor Final Judge
Megalomaniac media mogul multi-millionaire Simon Cowell announced today at a press conference that under fire FIFA president Sepp Blatter is to be a celebrity guest judge for the X-Factor Final on Saturday night. The decision was initially met wit...
Read full storyBill Belichick Leaves Patriots For Life Insurance Sales Position
Bill Belichick, head coach for the New England Patriots, announced today that he is leaving the Patriots, effective immediately, for his life-long dream job, Sales Representative for Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance. Belichick, whose resume in...
Read full storyLouise Minchin Has Been Convinced By Len Goodman To Appear On Next Season's 'Dancing With The Stars'
LONDON - Len Goodman, the English judge on the U.S. reality dancing show Dancing With The Stars, has informed the BBC that he has convinced noted newsreader and presenter Louise Minchin to appear on the next season of the reality dancing show. Min...
Read full storyThings You Wish You Didn't Know about Angelina Jolie
Angelina Jolie loves attention and gets it where ever she goes. There are a few things that she wishes no one knew about her. 1. She doesn't like sleeping in the dark 2. Her best kiss was with her brother. 3. She adopted children because Madonna was doing it. 4. Her lips came with a lifetime warranty. 5. Her reputation as a home wrecker is only true if you believe Jennifer Aniston...
Read full storyLondon's Burning
In the words of the late and much lamented Joe Strummer, of The Clash: London's burning. Violence flared around Parliament Square as students protesting against increases in tuition fees were met by police officers, who elected to respond by hitti...
Read full storyWeek Three: Spoof Writer Still Drunk
A Spoof Writer who vowed to stay in his basement until Sarah Palin went away is still hiding out in his basement. His protest is going mostly unnoticed by the mainstream media that can't seem to get enough of the woman. This week was a little...
Read full storyWikiLook
A while ago, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, responding to Wikileak's release of classified cables, stated that others remarked "you should see what we say about you." Now, thanks to a spate of international cables released by a new web site, Wikilook, we now know. Some of these cables follow. From the Chinese Ambassador to the United States - "We have reliable information that Presiden...
Read full storyBullet Train through Kansas
Kansas Governor Moe Grain announced today the beginning of construction of a 350 mile per hour Bullet train that will run the breadth of Kansas from the state capitol in the east, Topeka, all the way to the Colorado border in the west. Citing a de...
Read full storyGillian McKeith Ripped To Shreds On Loose Women
'I'm A Celeb' contestant and renowned Scottish turd analyst, Gillian McKeith was today mercilessly ripped to shreds on the ITV lunchtime show by the Loose Women themselves, in her first TV appearance since the jungle debacle. McKeith, an avowed ve...
Read full storyChristina Aguilera's Stolen Quasi-Nude Photos Are Photoshopped - "The Body Is Mine, But The Face Is Not Mine"
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Christina Aguilera was sitting with one of her back up singers Ginger "Girl" Brockenzipper at a local Yiddish pizza parlor 'Ey Ya Vant Sum Pizza in West Hollywood. Aguilera was overheard telling Brockenzipper that she does not ap...
Read full storyTit for Tat in Moscow
President Putin has warned Britain that expelling alleged Russian spy Ekatrina Zatuliveter would bring a tat for her tits. The sexy research assistant of Liberal Democrat M.P. Vladimir Hardcock has been sending the latest inside news on the in-fig...
Read full storyScientologist Outrage
'What have The Church of Scientology, Twitter, Facebook, Sarah Palin, Swiss Bank Post Finance, Mastercard, Visa and BP got in common?' asked my anonymous friend. 'Well, some are mad, some are rich and powerful, some are against free speech' I suggested. 'True. But what they all have in common is that they have been "inconvenienced" by anonymous forces on the internet.' 'Oh that' I said re...
Read full storySalma Hayek Named 'The Prettiest and Sexiest Illegal Alien In History'
BEVERLY HILLS - Sultry actress Salma Hayek was sunbathing beside her luxurious $7.9 million mansion named Casa Las Maracas talking openly with her gardener Paquito Pistachio. Hayek, who has been named as one the world's most attractive women, told...
Read full storyOprah Not Gay, But Gayle Is
Hollywood - Oprah told Barbara Walters that she isn't gay, but her friend Gayle is. "I don't know why people think that I am gay. Sure, Gayle is, but that doesn't mean all the time we spend together means that I am gay. Gayle has never hit on me...
Read full storyAsteroid smites Holy Thorn of Glastonbury!
Glastonbury, Wilts - (Apocalyptic Mess): Planted as a tiny cutting by Joseph of Arimathea circa 34AD the Holy Thorn of Wearyall Hill was destroyed by cosmic fire last night. Onlookers reported a giant space fireball streaking across the evening sk...
Read full storyBarack Obama's Spine Found at Area 51
Nevada--President Obama's spine was found wondering in Area 51. A specialist, who didn't want to be named in this article, said that he saw the spine wondering around in the restricted area around 0300 yesterday morning. The spine was later s...
Read full storyBrett Favre Christmas Ornament Retiring
Milwaukee, Wis - A Brett Favre ornament that Ben Warren has hung in every Christmas tree he has had since 1995, announced it's retirement after this Christmas season. "I know that I have added something to every tree that I have ever hung on, and...
Read full storyAmerican Media Supports Jailed Free Speech Dissident, Jailing Free Speech Dissident
The American press is loudly calling for the release of jailed free speech activist and Nobel Peace Prize Winner Liu Xiaobo while at the same time calling for the jailing of Wikileaks founder and free speech activist Julian Assange. Xiaobo and As...
Read full storyRoyal coffin UFO 'just a dazzling meteor fireball'!
London - (Pie-in-the-Sky Mess): A deep space sarcophagus commissioned by the Illuminati for the death of Queen Elizabeth streaked across British skies at dusk yesterday. Government spin doctors immediately dubbed it 'a Gemenid meteor fireball, heh...
Read full storySome further Wikileaks released today
Well, the Wikileaks just keep on coming! In a new revelation that was declared brand new, some new leaks have been Wikied: President Ihavea Nodinnajaquet of Iran: A 2009 cable between the USA and the rest of the world (except Iran) declared that the president was actually as crazy of a box of frogs. On fire. And without legs. Ann Widdecombe, star of scream and stage, is in the running to...
Read full storyNewcastle Utd And Alan Pardew - A Triumph Of Hope Over Experience
The football world was shaking its head in disbelief today as once again a throughly decent chap has decided to take a draught from the poisoned chalice. No doubt Alan Pardew will be handsomely remunerated for his efforts at Newcastle United but t...
Read full storyPolice admit 'Murderers are not rational'
After a five year study into UK murders Greater Manchester police have come to the conclusion that people who commit murder are irrational. "We have monitored the murders over the past five years," said detective inspector Jim Taggart. "What this...
Read full storyThe EU Finally Makes Christmas Safer
The EU has introduced ground-breaking regulations which, finally, take the danger out of Christmas. A raft of new legislation has been produced by Brussels, which is now being distributed to all EU member nations by President Herman Van Rumpypumpy's...
Read full storyGreat Cyber War Coming
LADIES & GENTLEMEN! In this 15 year contest for the Championship of the World we have...in the Right Hand Corner - that Invincible Authority of State Power, Nick Clegg. In the Left corner we have the Challenger - Australian born Julius the Great Leaker, famed for his new Power of an invisible Cyber Weapon. From his cell in Wandsworth Prison Julius has been getting the help in his corn...
Read full storyMan eats pie on Friday, gets clobbered by Christian
A local man who decided to chow-down on a steak and kidney pie for his lunch last Friday, got a nasty shock when he was struck on the head by a passing Catholic because eating meat on a Friday is a mortal sin. The man, who had bought the pasty fro...
Read full storyBurnley to be used in new film about 9/11
Burnley in Lancashire, England, is the unlikely setting for a new film about the 9/11 terrorist attack on the twin towers. "We were looking for a desolate deprived location," said the film's location manager, Harry "Mac" Nostril. "Burnley is perfe...
Read full storyThe world is more corrupt than it was 65 years ago, it's a fact, ask Hitler.
It seems that the world is becoming more corrupt. It's not the animals, insects, plants, birds, aliens (?), they're all pretty clean (apart from scavenging brown bears in the US / Canada, they're pretty corrupt too,) - it's people who are the cause o...
Read full storySimon Cowell Considering Bollywood Actress Aishwarya Rai To Be One Of The Judges On His New American Show 'X-Factor'
LONDON - The CEO of 19th Hole Productions Simon Cowell has informed the British press that he is considering hiring Aishwarya Rai of India as one of the judges on his new U.S. reality show X-Factor. Cowell has already secured the services of Chery...
Read full storyKatia Zatuliveter Agrees To Appear In PlayGuy's Edition of 'Nude Women Spies of Russia'
LONDON - Katia Zatuliveter who has been arrested and charged with being a Russian spy has agreed to pose in a nude layout for PlayGuy magazine. Zatuliveter will appear in a magazine spread titled, Nude Women Spies of Russia. The article will also...
Read full storyLocal Man Says Sex Orgies With Multiple Partners Are Just Confusing
Some sobering news just in from the Shuttlecock home near Portsmouth, UK, as local man, Martin Shuttlecock poured cold water on the notion that multiple partner sex orgies are in any way erotic. Lighting his pipe (loaded with Dark Shag) fluffing u...
Read full storyBalotelli Announces Hardcore Gangsta Rap Debut
Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli has given a date and track listing for his long awaited rap debut. He stated he's been able to finish the album over the past few months because of his suspension and "pretending to be injured". The bad b...
Read full storyWish List: Kate Middleton Wedding Registry Released
With her first marriage pending, Kate Middleton faces the task of setting up house as a young wife. And, having lived largely at home over the past decade, there's virtually nothing she doesn't need. "She's registered at Stella McCartney, Liberty...
Read full storyBalotelli Told to Fight for Place in Team, Punches Boateng in the Face
Manchester City Bad Boy Mario Balotelli has run into trouble again in his short yet controversial Manchester City career. In whats only going to further add to the unrest at Eastlands, Balotelli has reportedly punched team mate Jerome Boateng in t...
Read full storyAmbrose Bierce Found Under Boy's Bed
Ambrose Bierce, the American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist and satirist who disappeared in Mexico in 1913, has been found alive and well under a boy's bed in Stoke-on-Trent, Staffordshire. Bierce, now 168, was a little wor...
Read full storyViolence Mars Boxing Match
Police with riot shields had to be deployed as trouble flared this weekend at a boxing match in the Thai capital of Bangkok. The national boxing complex at Rachadamnern Stadium was filled to capacity as the spectators looked forward to the 3-round...
Read full storyTop Ten Reasons why Mark Lowton should be Britain's next Prime Minister
Well, here are the top ten reasons why I think Mark ought to be Britain's next Prime Minister....starting with 10 and going up to the TOP reason.... 10. He knows how to enjoy a good joke. 9. He can curse like a sailor. 8. He already has hundreds, if not thousands, of people who would vote for him. 7. He is always 'honest'. 6. He already knows how to be 'diplomati...
Read full storyViolence Mars Chess Match
Anyone who thinks chess fans are educated geeks in tweed suits who sit cross-legged with their arms folded whilst a match is going on, is sadly mistaken it seems, after the latest in a spate of violent incidents left a chessboard overturned. Suppo...
Read full storyAbramovich Files for Divorce For Ancelotti and Wife of 25 Years
Despite a plea to Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich, manager Carlo Ancelotti could not save his wife, Luisa Ancelotti. The Italian admitted that it was a boardroom decision and he was powerless in this regard. Abramovich has displayed his ruthless st...
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