Jillian Michaels Quits Show to Become a Man
Hollywood - Jillian Michaels admitted she is quitting Biggest Loser to become a man. A move that will fit her personality and make it easier on her conscience. "I wanted to leave the show a couple years ago, but the success of the sex change surg...Read full story
Republicans Give Middle Finger to First Responders
Washington - The 9/11 First Responders bill has been refused the floor by Republicans who were unable to vote on the legislation because they were too busy giving the first responders the middle finger. The legislation is intended to give the fir...Read full story
The Truth About Miley Cyrus And The "Bong"
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Miley Cyrus, who turned 18 on November 23, appears to still be celebrating her birthday almost three weeks later. The pole dancing, lap dancing, hip hop dancing teenage songstress has not been told that her birthday party is over.Read full story
Louise Minchin's "Me Boobies Is Covered" T-Shirts Are Flying Off The 'Rack'
LONDON - Louise Minchin is one of the happiest 42-year-old women on the British Isles. The BBC presenter and newsreader has just learned that her "Me Boobies Is Covered" T-Shirts are flying off the 'rack' and literally selling like hot cakes. Minc...Read full story
Sandra Bullock and Heidi Montag To Star In The Lesbian Epic "The Carpet Cuties of California"
HOLLYWOOD - Sandra Bullock, who lately has devoted most of her time to being the mommy of little Louis Bardo Bullock, has just announced that she will be starring with Heidi Montag in Staccato Monteverdi's lesbian spy-comedy The Carpet Cuties of Cali...Read full story
X Factor final: Simon Cowell declares war on rival Cheryl Cole ahead of finale
The truth is out. Cheryl Cole, wife of footballer Joe Cole (or is it Ashley Cole - could it be Old King Cole?) and Simon Cowell, grandson of Enoch Powell and great great grandson of Lord Baden Powell, have admitted that they simple hate each other.Read full story
An Off-Color Christmas Album - Carol #1: I'm Rolling My Balls in Sugar
I'm Rolling My Balls in Sugar I'm rolling my balls in sugar The perfect Christmas gift To send to all my lovely friends It gives them quite a lift I soak them in a bit of rum And dry them overnight Then roll in sugar and wrap them, To make them taste just right. My balls are always the right size To pop right in your mouth Just make sure you don't eat them all Or you could end up...Read full story
Lego Computer 'Impregnable'
Shares in Lego rose dramatically on the Stock Exchange on news that the firm have produced a computer that is 'hack proof'. Built in a style always associated with Lego this computer can do anything all other computers do, given a little adjustment.Read full story
X-Factor finalists One Direction reach puberty
There has been more controversy in the X-Factor this week, as it has been exclusively revealed that members of the boy-band One Direction have all reached puberty. This is set to scupper the final act's chance of winning the competition as their h...Read full story
Unlimited Sodomizing of America: "USA! USA! USA!"
Financial bulletins and newspapers across America are reporting that corporate Christmas parties, are in full swing in celebration of the largest corporate profits and bonuses in history. Ten thousand dollar Rolexes, Ferraris, and newly outfitted...Read full story
Former Presidential Contender Fred Thompson Is Turning Into a 'Thompson Raisin'
Actor and conservative former Tennessee senator, Fred Thompson, is shriveling up and turning into a raisin, according to his physician. "To be fair, we are not one-hundred percent certain if he is turning into a raisin or a craisin -- the cranberr...Read full story
New Johnny Cash Song Discovered About John Wayne - "A Boy Named Marion"
Johnny Cash historians have discovered a previously unknown Cash ballad amongst his files that might be his next posthumous hit. It appears to be a rewrite of his big '60's hit "A Boy Named Sue" that is a tribute to movie star John Wayne. Wayne's name at birth was actually Marion, normally a woman's name, which supposed caused him grief with his classmates in school. Cash seemingly saw the similar...Read full story
Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, and Taylor Swift Pay A Visit To Demi Lovato At The Rehab Clinic
LOS ANGELES - Security at The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic had to be doubled as one of the patients noted singer Demi Lovato was visited by three of her closest and dearest friends Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, and Taylor Swift. The three sing...Read full story
Howard Stern Pulls an Orson Welles
On his radio broadcast yesterday, Howard Stern, announced he was into SiriusXM for another 5 year term. His staff blew out a collective sigh of relief at the news. It had been a highly publicized negotiation with swirling rumors running rampant acros...Read full story
Winged Buffalo God Descends upon T.G.I. Friday's
NATICK, Massachusetts - As was prophesied in the Ago Times, the great winged buffalo god, Catoplebas, was awakened from a thousand-year slumber by the myriad wailing of small buffalo who had been de-winged. On the eleventh hour of the tenth day of...Read full story
Rescuers Use $75.00 In Quarters To Save 2-Year-Old From Crane Game
Proving once again that parents believe Chuck E. Cheese is a place to bring your children and forget about them, a 2-year-old Pennsylvania girl managed to climb in to a crane game at the eatery, and could not climb back out. I Know You're Reading Th...Read full story
The guy who should be in the headlines but the page isn't wide enough
As he sits with his Bob the Builder Advent Calender, the Right Honourable Eric Pickles, MP, Local Government Secretary, fantasises about the treats to come. The Tories do not call him the "Big Man" without reason. He is big, very big. As he ponder...Read full story
The Kardashian Sisters, Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney All Agree To Pose Nude In PlayGuy Magazine
CHICAGO - Kim Kardashian's ex-boyfriend Dallas Cowboys receiver Miles Austin has just stated that he heard from an unnamed source that Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney have all agreed to appear in a nude layout in the January issue of PlayGuy magazine. Wh...Read full story
New Hampshire Receives First 'Shovel Ready Stimulus" as Truckloads of Snow Arrive From Buffalo to Open Ski Slopes!
After 2 years President Obama's promise of funding shovel ready projects has finally born fruit as a convoy of trucks from Buffalo, NY began delivering needed snow to the ski resorts in Glen, New Hampshire, home of the famous 10th Mountain Division...Read full story
Charles and Camilla's Car Pelted By Angry Students - Charles Remarks "That's Bloody It, Camilla and I Are Moving To Sweden"
LONDON - Prince Charles and his wife Camilla had gone out for the evening to attend a play at The Engelbert Humperdinck Theatre. After the play they decided to drive over to The Attila The Hun Restaurant to have some of London's best crumpets. As...Read full story
Lady Gaga waxwork savaged by dogs
Madam Toussard's have simultaneously unveiled their latest Waxwork at all six of their exhibits in London, Tokyo, New York, Madrid, Paris and Blackpool. Each one has been dressed differently, with weird and wacky hats and an array of excellent qua...Read full story
Nostrodamus and Revelations Saw this Coming!
Fresh analysis of the text by Nostrodamus and the Biblical spoof story 'Revelations' has led Prof. Bonkers of New York Institute of Advanced Theology to put forward a startling interpretation of these ancient clairvoyant accounts. Bonkers is certa...Read full story
Chilli Pepper Expert Demands: "End This Scoville Madness Now!"
A top chilli expert is demanding a devaluation of the units used to measure the heat in peppers. The call comes after a chilli pepper grown in in a greenhouse in Cumbria, England, has beaten off competition from Mexico and India to win the accolad...Read full story
Keith Richards 'Life' ends in Death
Rolling Stones guitarist, Keith Richards, whilst promoting his memoir entitled 'Life' sadly ended the life of an orchid, it is alleged. This rare flower was at the New York Public Library and, relaxing, Richards lit up and had a smoke in a back ro...Read full story
Miley Cyrus to Cover Her Favorite Cypress Hill's Songs
Hollywood - Miley Cyrus said she will be releasing covers of Cypress Hill's "I Want To Get High" and "Hits from the Bong" because of her love for the bong and getting high. "I don't really work for Disney, and am 18, so I can do covers of music...Read full story
Chair Wins Nobel Peace Prize
Washington - A chair was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize because of how it has never harmed a person and always given comfort to the weary. "I was shocked when they called me and said that I won. At first, I thought it was my friend Hank playing a jo...Read full story
Charlie Sheen Arrested For Sniffing Model's Bicycle Seat
Charlie Sheen is on a roll. Last week he was arrested for demolishing his hotel room with police finding a cowering porn star prostitute fearfully cowering in a locked closet in order to avoid the crazed wrath of the drug crazed star. Just one w...Read full story
Royal Horsebox attacked by Protesters
Anarchist protesters outside the Houses of Parliament today were accused of wanton vandalism against one of the Queen's Horseboxes as it was driven nearby the baying mob. Protesters were seen to aim kicks and punches, throw paint and smash the win...Read full story
Meat Company to Pay Internet Gurus Millions in Marketing Royalties
Lisle, Il, USA - Today Mike White, CEO of USMeat, LLC, the 150-year old meat packing company, made the announcement that the corporation will be paying millions in royalties to specific Internet Gurus after the December accounting is complete. "Ye...Read full story
More Questions on Obama's Origin as He's Forced to Deny He Ever Ate a Spam Sandwich!
The continuing debate on the birthplace, origin, and religious orientation of Barrack Hussein Obama was inflamed today after the President claimed he didn't know what Spam was, never ate a Spam Sandwich, and only ate Halal prepared meat! Obama was...Read full story
Two Flexible Featured Writers Tapped to Compete in Tokyo Pole Dancing Championship After Random Selection!
Spoof editor Mark Lowton proudly announced his sponsorship of two former female Featured Writers in the World Championship Pole Dancing Competition being held in Tokyo! The Spoof Headliners were named for the honour after a purely random poll (s...Read full story
Wii and Kinect: Watch out!
YOURLIFE!, an obscure technology and gaming company in Bangalore, the silicon valley of India, is due to release in two weeks at New Delhi, a new video game (Windows and Mac format available as well as YOURLIFE!'s own console) envisioned to rival Ni...Read full story
Royal car ambush: Charles and Camilla stage publicity stunt
London - (Pulling a Farce One Mess): As hoaxes go this one's a right royal cracker. Yesterday's stunning hoax car attack has seen the faux HRHs' popularity sore (sick). The masterpiece of timing and execution is said to have been planned weeks...Read full story
'I Think They may have a Point' Charles
Prince Charles, recovering from the assault on his car on the way to the Royal Variety Show, declared today that the student protesters 'may have a point'. 'Their variety performance was a darned sight more entertaining than the ghastly turns at the...Read full story
Maternity Ward Marriage Service
After a successful trial in Tameside and Glossop health authority, the NHS is set to roll out Wedding Services in the maternity wards of its hospitals. "We have about fifty hospital chaplains," said Tameside and Glossop NHS director, Mark Emille.Read full story
Born to Spoof The Sequel: Chapter 12 The Beautiful The Gullible and The Hideous
The Beautiful It felt to good to be true, though he could not see through the blindfold. A thousand fingers touching every inch of Mark's nude body.Then he was lifted through the air as if he were a feather. He felt something like silk slide over his feet up to near his loins. Then over his arms and head a garment settled around his mid-riff. He felt it laced tightly, squeezing his abdomen...Read full story
Charles & Camilla Mobbed By Fans In West End
Charles & Camilla were today mobbed by fans in London's West End, as they arrived for The Royal Variety Performance. The fans were those people who were unable to get tickets, but still showed up to see Britain's favourite royals. Unfortunatel...Read full story
Gamu Nhengu set for shock return to X-Factor final
Zimbabwean ex-X-Factor contestant is set for a remarkable shock return to the hit TV talent show, X-Factor. Gamu, who was kicked off the show in October after it was revealed there was a pending deportation order for her, has been successful in re...Read full story
Santa Claus Loses Four Elves to Inuit Hunters
North Pole - Santa will be short-handed going into the last phases of toy build-out this year. It seems that a hunting party of Inuits shot four of Santa's elves, mistakenly identifying the elves as seals. Nanook, the head of the hunting party,...Read full story
Geico Gecko Accidentally Shot by State Farm's Mr. Mayhem
Los Angeles, Ca. - Apparently the Geico Gecko and Mr. Mayhem cannot go out drinking on the town together without causing a stir. Police and medical units were called to 545 W. Hollywood yesterday evening when a passerby witnessed a scuffle nearby,...Read full story
David Cameron Brings Out the Big Guns to Quell Student Riots
Prime Minister David Cameron is moving aggressively in a bid to restore order as rioting students trash central London. "He's delighted, as a Conservative Prime Minister, to have a war to fight," said Peregrine Sympring-Knobb, an old school frie...Read full story
Scientists Isolate "God Particle" in 16 of 26 Internet Gurus
New York City - Scientist at New York Institute of Scientific Abstraction released their findings in the studies of the "God Particle" in Internet Gurus. The 6-year study shows that 16 of the 26 gurus studied did in fact show evidence---sometimes...Read full story
The Case of Humpty-Dumpty
I was called to a crime scene one day. It was a routine call about a supposed suicide of an egg man. From all I heard, there was no suicide note or reason for the subject to commit an act as such. Little did I know that this particular case was going to become one of the most memorable cases in the history of the Wolves Special Investigation Unit. Throughout the long history of the WSIU, there...Read full story
Internet Gurus Join Together to Create Christmas Album
Orlando, Fl. - The Orlando Sun published news today that 26 internet gurus will begin recording a Christmas Album just in time for the holidays. Ima Scamm, the Secretary and Publicist for "The Syndicate", the name of their newly created choral gro...Read full story
That Whore Selena Gomez Is Cheating On Me With Justin Bieber.
TMZ just posted pictures of Justin Bieber and my slutty pig whore of a girlfriend Selena Gomez leaving OUR f--king International House of Pancakes yesterday arm-in-arm. Yes, OUR f--king IHOP. 13th and Walnut Street in Philly. Right across from the Scorpio adult bookstore. OUR Scorpio adult bookstore. I knew that they were both in Philly, because they were both to perform at the Q102 Jingle B...Read full story
World Shocked as Two Al Queda Generals Resign to Join Salvation Army
London, UK - General Clifton Shaw of the international headquarters of the Salvation Army shocked the World News when he announced this morning that he has just positioned two former Generals of Al Queda to regional posts here in the U.S. Mahmeed...Read full story
Lad in Scotland vows to "Get to the bottom of this Haggis craze"
Ian MacAfferty, 17, of Dumbarton announced on Wednesday to the BBC that he plans to "get to the bottom of this haggis craze". Young Mr. MacAfferty plans to prove that the origin and the adaptation of haggis into the Scottish cuisine is "all a plot...Read full story
Howard Stern Sells Mobile Rights To Sirius Show: Now You Can Hear It On Your Motorola Star Tac!
Retirement-aged shock-jock Howard Stern, who extorted a second, 5 year, $1/2 billion contract out of nearly-bankrupt Sirius XM, has sweetened his Will's payout by selling the digital rights to his show to Surius/XM. "Starting in 2011, subscribers...Read full story
Howard Stern to Sirius: Let's Make It An Even Billion. I'll Stay Until 2015.
AARP-eligible shock-jock Howard Stern has locked himself into a dying medium, signing with nearly-bankrupt Sirius/XM for another five years, and $500 million. The previous five-year agreement, which began in 2006 and runs through the end of this m...Read full story
Lady Crone wants a young man
Old feminist Crones who spent the majority of their lives attacking men and who are withering away in their old age are making demands that younger men have to live with them. They outspent their youth enjoying sex and romancing guys and now they wan...Read full story
Oprah Winfrey: "I Was Never Even Kinda Billie Jean King's Sex Slave"
In a 15-hour long Lobotomy Channel interview with Dolores Dungheape yesterday, Oprah Winfrey yet again denied rumours that she had a sado-masochistic lesbian affair with tennis-player Billie Jean King, reports Crocodile Tears Correspondent, Freya L T...Read full story
Treasury baulk at 'Rent-a-Mob' costs
The treasury today told David Cameron, according to inside sources, that they could no longer fund the 'Rent-a-mobs' that the government hire to create violence at peaceful demonstrations to undermine the protesters' causes. This follows three lar...Read full story