'All Obama All the Time' Causes Man to Trash Telly and Blow Up Power Staion Causing "Black Out!"
Washington, DC/ Department of Energy Emergency Bulletin - Officials have traced the cause of a nationwide 'Blackout' of all power sources to a disgruntled Middle American who said he took drastic action against the government after every single TV pr...
Read full storyPresident Obama Now Says He Will Bailout The Newspaper Industry
CLEVELAND - President Obama speaking before a gathering of The Lake Erie Typesetters Union Local #9913 has stated that he has signed The Newspaper Revitalization Act, which will help prevent hundreds of American newspapers from going out of business.
Read full storyTony Romo Breaks NFL Records in New Cowboy Stadium Debut
The Dallas Cowboys officially opened their new stadium to the public in a Sunday Night NFL game against division rival The New York Giants. The new $1.15 billion dollar sports complex is the most expensive ever built and the crowd for the opening (o...
Read full storySpoof Writer Disappears After 50 Posts In Seven Days Take Him To Within Touching Distance Of Longest Headline In History Of Spoof Kingdom Unless Someone Did It First Bigger and Better Or Alternatively Sartre Days Alright For Fighting
A spoof writer has disappeared in a puff of smoke after making his fingers do the talking for seven days - give or take a few hours - and by making an obscure reference or two to Jean Paul Sartre for no other reason than because he could. Just a w...
Read full storySpoof Writers Pose Nude for Calendar to Promote Awareness of Economic Plight!
Portsmouth, UK/ Around Town Entertainment News - They came from near and far; from as near as across the street, to as far as Across the Pond from such places as New Mexico, Virginia, Tulsa, and Bent Tree California in a 'tea bag' uprising to made th...
Read full storyDavid Hasselhoff Back In Rehab?
David Hasselhoff is reportedly back in rehab after another bout with the booze and the booze won as it always wins. Reportedly, the former Baywatch star or perhaps, just former star, was found lying on the floor with no clothes on and his weiner i...
Read full storyWhoopi Goldberg Actually Forms A Rational Argument On 'The View'
New York, New York - Whoopi Goldberg, former comedian and now talk show host on the popular women's show, 'The View', was caught actually forming a rational argument today in relation to the Jon Gosselin custody battle. Unfortunately, after the s...
Read full storyAcme Margarine Bowl Hospitalized After Being Beaten By Gang Leader It Called A "Nutter"
The Acme Margarine Bowl, world famous for telling everyone that it is actually "Butter", has been hospitalized in Louisville, Kentucky after it was beaten nearly to death by a gang of young rogues. "It was a sorry sight for me eyes", stated Emerge...
Read full storyGeorge W Bush Presidential Library to publish Predator Chapel Farm anal hysteries
Texarse - (Hemorrhoids): The memoirs focus on reminiscences of Crawford agricultural workers charged with dredging the Bush family hacienda drains after UK Prime Monster Tony Blair's April 2002 visit. Some operatives claim Bush always had his crac...
Read full storyDecrepit geriatric President Giscard e'Estaing 'shagged Diana'
Paris - (Merde Alors!): "The affair probably took place on the Hopital Pitié-Salpêtrière mortuary slab," LA FagHagSlagMag society editor Dave Skank said today. "A three day wonder as Buck House bankers fought to pickle Diana into crygenic stasis a...
Read full storyDWTS Premiere Possibly Delayed by DeLay
In an unprecedented move, ABC television's reality dance-stravaganza, "Dancing With The Stars," might have to delay tonight's season premiere, as contestant Tom DeLay apparently has gone AWOL. Producer Alistair Fleetfoot said, "I don't know where...
Read full storyAll children's farm animals to be vetted
Horses, guinea pigs, goats and lama's that want to apply for a place in a children's farm will have to be vetted by the Independent Safeguarding and E.coli Authority (ISEA). "Small children pet the animals so parents should know their children ar...
Read full storyThe US admit they're a useless bunch of failures and throw an Atomic bomb at Afghanistan!
World power "Numero Uno" the US have now come clean about their failure to conquer the world beating army, once called a bunch of farmers with pick axes and shovels, the death defying Taliban! The Brits tried it, Russians tried it (they were sent...
Read full storyMoney No Longer Worth The Paper It's Printed On
The dollar is no longer worth the paper it is printed on after falling to its lowest level since May. Millions of public sector workers have been asked to be paid in small sheets of white paper rather than the US monetary equivalent. The news m...
Read full storyMichael Owen & Roonie change nationalites and become Mancunians proving that Liverpool is a "Craphole"
The success of Roonie and now Michael Owen at Man Utd proves one thing, Liverpool is a "craphole", both have applied for "Mancunian" Nationality and are taking lessons in the language! The Manchester Evening News, reported the story after United's...
Read full storyYogi Bear Outlines TM Technique For Yellowstone
Yogi Bear became animated yesterday when he outlined his reasons for promoting Transcendental Meditation in woodland areas. Huckleberry Hound, reporting from Yellowstone country park, claims Yogi Bear has helped millions of critters to relieve str...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Suffering Morning Sickness?
Kristen Stewart has been having to stop some filming scenes of late to hurry to the bathroom on the run. This has set the tongues to wagging as an inside source repeated what he had been hearing, Monday. "Several of the ladies say she is pregnant...
Read full storyJerusalem Arti Choked To Death In Random Hate Crime
A Jerusalem Arti has choked to death in what Israeli police are describing as a racially motivated attack. The "Jerusalem Arti-Choke" as papers have taken to calling the attack happened in the full view of Christians and Muslims paying homage at a...
Read full storyEmmy Award Show Director Tells Security Guards If Kanye West Tries To Get On Stage Tase Him!
HOLLYWOOD - The 61st Annual Hollywood Emmy Awards went on without any significant incident. One reporter for the Bravo Network did say that Heidi Klum who is ten months pregnant, upon entering the building turned around kind of fast and hit Tina Fey...
Read full storyInsurance companies claim "Shit for Brains" is pre-existing condition
In a startling revelation taken from internal memos of a major health insurance company it appears that thousands if not tens of thousands of insured families have been dropped from the companies rolls due to what the companies are calling the "Shit...
Read full storyTalent goes looking for talent: Boyle in trouble
Hollywood, Tuesday: Scottish UK Got Talent star, Susan Boyle, has been arrested for soliciting on Hollywood and Vine during her infamous excursion to Los Angeles for appearances on American television. The female wanna be was said to have cruised...
Read full storyAl Gore Accuses Joe Wilson Of Luring Whales Onto Beaches
Former Vice President of the United States Al Gore has accused Congressman Joe Wilson of learning to make a noise like a whale in heat and luring the big mammals unto beaches. "He has listened to hours of whale noises and speeches by my former bos...
Read full storyUS Society of Women with Small Hooters Fear being Overlooked on Breast Appreciation Day
SOUTHBEND, IN (ABSNN) - The United States Society of Women with Small Hooters told reporters in this Midwest city Monday that they "fear being overlooked on Breast Appreciation Day." Ivegotta Smallset, Chairperson of the USSWSH, told ABSNN, "We ce...
Read full storyBarack Obama Wipes Out 1 Trillion US National Debt Overnight
Barack Obama was applauded today after he wiped out the national debt by taking out a loan. The US President showed a flair for numeracy when he revealed the 1 Trillion debt had disappeared with the stroke of a pen. The move was the final stage...
Read full storyScotland Vows To Stop Graffiti Vandals
GLASGOW, Scotland - The director of the Scottish People's Anti-Vandalism League Glenbuck Dumfries has stated that acts of vandalism involving graffiti have now reached epidemic proportions. He pointed out that vandals are spray painting schools, b...
Read full storyKebab Makes a Run For It During Busy Period
Police are hunting a kebab which escaped from a three-in-one shop in Kilburn last night. The kebab in question is thought to have duped owners of the store by playing dead before making a dash for it during a busy period. At a hastily arranged...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie's Sudden Weight Loss Concern To Many
Fans of Angelina who have seen the popular star lately say they are shocked at her weight loss in the past three months. Angelina is five foot seven but some say she has dropped below the one-hundred pound mark. "Her whole appearance has changed",...
Read full storyStudent Grants To Be Linked To Safety Camera Receipts
The spiralling cost of university education has to be brought under control;. In a startling new policy shift, the Liberal Democratic Party leader ........ .......... (Fill in blanks with this week's name) has announced a revolutionary approach to...
Read full storyExtra extra time
The space time continuum was in turmoil last night after six rogue minutes and 14 pesky seconds were clearly seen lurking where they shouldn't have existed at all. Pitch-side medics at Old Trafford were left scratching their heads in disbelief as...
Read full storyQueen's imam arrested in Denver terror plot
London - (Gotcha!) The Al Qaeda Puppet Monarch's chaplain has been reported under arrest following an FBI raid on the US terror industry. The suspect had been under surveillance after banking Bernard Madoff $$$s checks laundered via Pretender to t...
Read full storyBritish Attorney General Under Investigation
Baroness Uzbekistan, the United Kingdom's chief law officer, recently embroiled in a scandal over her alleged employment of an illegal immigrant is herself under investigation. The police smashed their way into her "main residence" at 4am yesterda...
Read full storyFUBAC Affective Disorder Threatens Entertainment and Sports Industries
ATLANTA, GA (ABSNN) - The Center for Disease Control announced this morning that a grave new mental health disorder is sweeping through the African American entertainment and sports communities: Fucked Up Black Athletes and Celebrities Affective Dis...
Read full storyJordan In Polo Club Dressage Event Shocker
Katie Price just wants to be accepted for what she is - At this weekend's prestigious Cartier All-in Unlimited Polo Tournament, she showed us her stuff! Royalty was present, in the form of Eddie Chav, the king of the Essex pikeys, who was accompan...
Read full storyObama Says Fart Regulations Must Be Strengthened Globally
President Barack Obama said tougher fart regulations are needed worldwide to protect consumers, provide economic stability and prevent future crises. With the leaders from the Group of 20 nations set to meet next week in Pittsburgh, Obama said, in...
Read full storyGender Bending School Kids
After two high profile cases, a massive Gender Bending problem has been unearthed in British schools. The first case came to light after a bust up between the parents of twelve year old 'Jessica' and 'her' school in Northampton when they refused t...
Read full storyFA Refereeing Exam. 10 Multiple Choice Questions
1. You're refereeing a match at Old Trafford with the scores level after 90 minutes. Do you (a) Award Manchester United a penalty, even if Ryan Giggs only trips over his own boot laces, (b) Send off the entire visiting team for daring to make a match of it against United, or (c) Add on 6 minutes of injury time, and hope that the Reds get a goal anyway. 2. You're subjected to endless vocal ab...
Read full storyGenetic Screening Can Identify Prostrate Risk
An original piece of research by that most august body, the Royal Society, has pinned down some of the root causes of prostrate trouble. They are, in order of most likely occurrence: 1. Being in possession of no job. 2. Being unlikely to seek...
Read full storyKevin Skinner 'Used' And 'Abused', Claims Unreliable Source
America's Got Talent winner, Kevin Skinner, has been victimised since he won the talent competition, by people who have used his name to further their own careers, says an unreliable source in the UK. The 34-year-old Country singer, shot to fame w...
Read full storySpoof Writer Duncan Whitehead 'Outed' As TV Host Graham Norton
Raging confusion turned to mild acceptance this morning, as noted writer of satirical news whimsy, Duncan Whitehead, was found to be none other than the darling of gay TV hosts, Graham Norton. Whitehead, originally from Fleetwood, but now living i...
Read full storyPresident Obama Mispronounces Daughter Malia's Name, Calls Her Jennifer
NEW YORK CITY - The president of the United States Barack Obama was in the Big Apple to appear on a live telecast on CNN, the network that he says has 20 times more nicer 'peeps' than the Fox Network does. The president was discussing the origins...
Read full storyUnlicensed Car Abused by repeat offender
A Vulcanised tyre-obsessed pervert who harassed a group of parked motor vehicles using social parking meter attendant ploys learned from websites has been described as "sexually deviant" and exiled from Asia A polished bonneted-obsessed pervert wh...
Read full storyRob Pattinson Spotted in Maternity Wear with Kristen Stewart!
VANCOUVER, British Columbia - Today, for the first time ever, Robert Pattinson gave photographers a chance to snap some shots of him trying on maternity wear accompanied by gal pal Kristen Stewart! "Guys can be so competitive," explained Stewart.
Read full storyInternational Football Match Almost Held in London
London UK: British Football (Soccer) Fans in attendance at Wembley Stadium were sorely disappointed when a highly touted match between the Birmingham National Panthers (BNP) and the Cardiff Polar Bears (CPB) was suddenly cancelled. Everything sta...
Read full storyThis year's Autumn Equinox...
Stonehenge - (Drew-ids): ...takes place on Tuesday. The next morning, World Wiccan Council sources have said, all hell can be expected to break loose as the nascent Sun in Libra squares up to Pluto in Capricorn. "This could mean something horrib...
Read full storyEmma Watson 'a tool to alleviate poverty'? I don't think so!
London - (Ethical Rag Trade Bollox): Harry Potter actress Emma Watson took a karmic quantum leap into the domains of fashion bullshit this weekend. "I was excited by the idea of using fashion as a tool to alleviate poverty", the nineteen year-old...
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