ATLANTA, GA (ABSNN) - The Center for Disease Control announced this morning that a grave new mental health disorder is sweeping through the African American entertainment and sports communities: Fucked Up Black Athletes and Celebrities Affective Disorder, or FUBAC.
"The CDC has been watching the trend of African American celebrities and sports stars being stricken by this terrible affective disorder for many years now," said Dr. Ima Deadman, MD, Chief of the CDC's MADCAP Program (Mental Affective Diseases of Celebrities And other Peckerheads).
"The list of famous (and wannabe famous) African American celebrities and sports stars succumbing to FUBAC has grown from just a few like James Brown and O. J. Simpson to former choir girls like Whitney Houston. Add future NFL Hall of Famers such as dog killer Michael Vick and that sissy Michael Jackson (at least when he was still a black male). The economic effect of FUBAC on the black entertainment industry could be staggering."
The two most prominent, recent FUBAC victims are tennis super star Serena Williams, who threatened a sexual act with a tennis ball upon a white game official, and Kanye West, who terrorized a white, teenaged country singer at the recent VMA Awards Show (if you can call that silly ass "prominent").
They are indicators that the affective disorder is now painfully obvious to all races and can no longer be swept under the rug as Black Anger Syndrome caused by 19th century slavery in the US, the report said.
"I mean, come on now, these aren't poor black men and women struggling to get a break; these men and women make millions of dollars a year, more in fact than most African nations," said Dr. Deadmon.
"But, as with all celebrities, we have come up with an affective disorder that will excuse their bad behavior and get them out of jail for beating and shooting people up on street corners, dog and cock fighting, battering wives and children, in fact, anything at all they do badly, FUBAC will explain it away," he concluded.
Middle and low income whites, Asians, Hispanics and Native Americans, however, will continue to be jailed for such lawlessness, as they have absolutely no excuse for being assholes.