1. You're refereeing a match at Old Trafford with the scores level after 90 minutes.
Do you (a) Award Manchester United a penalty, even if Ryan Giggs only trips over his own boot laces, (b) Send off the entire visiting team for daring to make a match of it against United, or (c) Add on 6 minutes of injury time, and hope that the Reds get a goal anyway.
2. You're subjected to endless vocal abuse from the bench by Man. U. manager Sir Alex Ferguson during a game.
Do you (a) Pretend you're like the other 60 million British people, including 5 million Scots, and can't understand a word of what Ferguson is shouting about, (b) Take a Trappist vow of silence, and refuse to talk to Ferguson about it, or (c) Keep giving free kicks to United to keep on the right side of the Knighted One.
3. You're refereeing a fourth round FA Cup tie involving Manchester United against a Conference team, and the Conference team are winning with 15 minutes left on the clock.
Do you (a) Wait for Paul Scholes to dive in the penalty box, then give United a penalty, (b) Wait for the fourth official to radio you that Ronaldo has dived again in Spain, and give United a penalty, or (c) Give United a penalty anyway.
4. At an FA Cup tie between Manchester United and Exeter City in Manchester, hotheaded United midfielder Paul Scholes brings down a City striker in front of you in the penalty box with an illegal and dangerous tackle.
Do you (a) Wave play on, (b) Book the City striker for diving, or (c) Shake Scholes's hand in front of a television audience of 10 million people.
5. You give a direct free kick just outside the box in a Chelsea versus Man. United match in London, and are surrounded by angry United players and subjected to abusive language by them, and are pushed and jostled.
Do you (a) Back away from the United players but don't book any of them, (b) Run pointlessly over to the bench to confer with another official, so as everyone forgets that the entire Manchester team deserve to go in the book, or (c) Book the Reds' goalkeeper, as he's unlikely to get another booking during the season and so won't be suspended.
6. At Old Trafford you're pelted with coins by United fans for 90 minutes of play, as are the visiting team's players.
Do you (a) 'Do a Grobelaar', and pick up all the coins at the end of the game and give the Stretford End the thumbs up, (b) Pretend you haven't noticed the coins flying all around you, even when a visiting player is struck on the head by one from the stands after the game, or (c) Ignore the loose change and pick up a nice wad of hundred pound notes in the United dressing room when the crowd has all gone home.
7. You decide you want to go and watch a football match.
Do you (a) Go and see Manchester United play at Old Trafford, (b) Go and see Manchester United reserves play at Old Trafford, or (c) Go and see the Manchester United Diving Team practicing at Old Trafford Swimming Baths.
8. As it's Christmas time you want to buy your children nice presents.
Do you (a) Buy them an antique Olde Trafforde stop watch, that adds on 6 minutes to every 45, (b) Buy them TraffordX sunglasses that block out the irritating glare of opposing players being brought down in clear penalties, or (c) Give them shares in Manchester United Plc.
9. You need a holiday from the harsh and unpaid job of being an FA referee.
Do you (a) Go and stay at Old Trafford for 2 weeks, (b) Go and stay at Old Trafford for 3 weeks, or (c) Ask your boss Sir Alex Ferguson if you can spend your holiday in the opposing team's penalty box at Old Trafford, so you can relax and ignore all the fouls and tackles happening there.
10. This question has been added on, so that hopefully Man. United will score another goal, qualify for Europe, and keep Sir Alex Ferguson on the FA Refereeing Selection Committee.
