An original piece of research by that most august body, the Royal Society, has pinned down some of the root causes of prostrate trouble.
They are, in order of most likely occurrence:
1. Being in possession of no job.
2. Being unlikely to seek employment.
3. Being in possession of character references in the form of a criminal record.
4. Being in possession of a slow metaboilc rate (read - eats all available pies).
5. Being in possession of a slow metabolic rate and living near a pie shop.
6. Being in possession of a XXXL replica United away strip.
7. Being in possession of a souped-up Corsa with more music watts than horsepower and a 5" exhaust tailpipe.
8. Being in possession of a Burberry baseball cap with the peak at the back.
9. Being in possession of neighbours' personal effects and valuables.
10. Vicky Pollard is your role model.
11. Jordan is your dream date.
12. Being in possession of Attention Deficit Disorder when unable to spell it.
13. Not realising that Shameless is a documentary.
Sufferes from Prostrate trouble are to be found on sofas and often need medical help in the form of a creosote enema to get them off their fat arses.
They may be observed in many population centres - but PLEASE - DO NOT FEED.