Pilots not on the plane
The pilots of a commercial passenger jet that overshot its destination by 150 miles have claimed that they were not on the plane. They were having a drink at the airport bar and lost track of time. Air traffic controllers attempted to contact the...
Read full storySuck my Pollocks, says UK sweet company
A British confectionery and beverage company has pulled the rug from under its competitor's feet by launching a new boiled sweet to commemorate the life of American lunatic artist and random paint thrower, Jackson Pollock. Pollock, born in Wyoming...
Read full storyThe Colorado Balloon Boys Have Been Signed To Appear In "The Three Stooges - The Early Years"
HOLLYWOOD - Chula Vista Pictures has just signed the three Heehaw brothers, also known as, The Colorado Balloon Boys to star in a full length motion picture entitled, The Three Stooges - The Early Years. The film's director Winslow Windowfelt said...
Read full storyJason Statham gets booked
Hollywood hard man Jason Statham will visit his home town of Buckinghamshire to sign copies of his autobiography: "Bucking Tough Guy". Statham, star of Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, denies he wrote the book in a bid to make some cash and...
Read full storyAlive II - The Story of the Andy Survivors
Chicago, Illinois - In a region of the nation known for it's flatness, four brave yuppies dared to challenge Andy Hill, a rough hill that soars up 4,500 feet above sea level, and towers over the prosperous suburb below, on and all around it. These...
Read full storyBeckhams become bog brush
David has spent many years impersonating a footballer and Victoria has spent many years as a nagging wife, a celery stick and professional shop-o-holic. However, due to David Beckham's dilapidating career, and Victoria Beckham's fame obscurity, t...
Read full storyUK is going gay, but "gay bashers" refuse to give in!
Gay policemen, gay politicians, gay catholic priests, gay sportsmen/women, gay shop assistants, gay teachers, gay anybody in fact! The UK is turning into one great gay island, but there is a problem, gay bashers refuse to give in to this latest fa...
Read full storyCuba to construct an auto industry in the year 4009
September 12, 4009 - Cuba today has announced they will be embarking on a plan to build the first auto manufacturing plant in its history. Cuba says their car manufacturing plant will rival that of Japans and they plan on making cars that are tech...
Read full storyIrish bastion for "Real Hunky Men" collapses and is infiltrated by "Gays"!
Another bastion of real, hunky, mega-manhood has been infiltrated, breached and destroyed, that world renowned Irish sporting pastime called hurling. Irish superstar, womens pin-up and ex-impotent Casanova, Donal Og Cusack, has come out from betw...
Read full storyEx-Kamikaze Pilot to Consult With Republicans for 2010 and 2012
Colonel Yokado Nakamura, formerly of The Japanese Air Force and an instructor for Kamikaze pilots in World War 2 has been hired by the NRC to consult on the 2010 and 2012 elections. Mr. Nakamura now lives in Santa Clara California and is a floral...
Read full storyThe Pope Will Die This Halloween
Rome - (Trick Or Treat): A Maginot Line of Vatican resistance workers is planning a Halloween trick or treat surprise for Pope Joe Ratzinger. Fed up with a compulsory Diet of Worms in the Pontifical works canteen staff are planning on spiking Joe...
Read full storyMan Utd 'Torre-s-mented' by Spanish Armada and a sinking Rio Grande!
Torres Torre-s-mented Utd all afternoon and sent a broadside across the bows of Sir Alex's half-Nelson Victory sinking in the Straights of Scouseland, better known as "Washed up at Anfield near The Mersey"! Mancunians were jumping overboard whilst...
Read full storyPresident Obama Surprised At The Resignation of Secretary of Sex Stormy Daniels
TWIN FALLS, Idaho - President Obama was speaking at a conference of The Idaho Amalgamated Potato Growers Guild when he was informed that the Secretary of the Department of Sex, Stormy Daniels had resigned her position. As soon as the conference en...
Read full storyGandhi Returns from Grave, Seen with Elvis and Jacko
Memphis, TN - Furthering conspiracy theories about faked deaths of certain entertainers and world leaders, residents near a popular Burger King in Memphis, Tennessee now report to have seen Mahatma Gandhi eating lunch there. Coupled with other re...
Read full storyWoman in penis exploding 'blow job' drama
Daniel Smith got more than he bargained for when he persuaded female co worker Connie Suckhimer (pictured right) to give him a blow job. The hapless Daniel had mistakenly assumed Connie was acquainted with the fact that in this context 'blow' does...
Read full storySpics reject Mick
Taos, New Mexico - In this sleepy town of 5,000 potheads, new agers, spics, injuns, liberals and ne'er-do-wells, strode in a new Sheriff, this one who bought a run down hotel for 2 million, and thought it was his for having done so. Not so, shriek...
Read full story"New Wars Demand New Ways" - Pentagon Whizzes Out New Water Based Armor
In super-secrete tests the Pentagon whizz kids have rolled out a new kind of battle armor for a new kind of war. On proving grounds in secret locations on the Isle of Wight, the army boys have unleashed their most potent defense against projecti...
Read full storyJimmy Carr almost apologises to Ann Widdecombe. Almost.
Comedian Jimmy Carr has apologised to former Conservative MP for Maidstone and the Weald, the fragrant Ann Widdecombe for lewd, distasteful and downright bloody disgusting comments he made on terrifically jolly TV politics quiz show 'Have I Got News...
Read full storySexy Activities Beat Boner Drugs for Erectile Dysfunction
INTERCOURSE, PA - Sexologists at the teaching hospital of Bonair University have announced their findings that engaging in sexy activities work just as well toward achieving an erection as taking Viagra or Levitra, and without the unpleasant side-eff...
Read full storyX-factor judging in total chaos at weekend as judges vote each other off
Well, the world of X-Factor came tumbling down at the weekend where the obsecene amounts of money being made by Simon Cowell and his cohort of judges is plainly going to their heads. In an almost bizarre scene that could have been from Carry On Ta...
Read full story'Roll Tax' Proposal Slammed By Tories
The new manifesto promise by Labour to add a tax of £1 on each toilet roll sold in the UK has been dismissed by David Cameron as, "taxing crap". The controversial measure announced by Gordon Brown earlier in the week was launched as a "flagship ma...
Read full storyLisbon Trick Or Treaty? Conspiracy Theorists Blame Maddie McCann-Of-Worms
London - (Pie-in-the-sky)): Wingnuts lobbying for an immediate release of May 2007 US spy-in-the-sky satellite imagery of the Algarve region claim the Pentagon is deliberately blocking release of vital evidence. One tracking expert told reporters...
Read full storyChavs to require separate country by 2050, experts warn.
Britain's chavs are reproducing at such an alarming rate in that to prevent a UK population crisis they must eventually be granted their own territory. The dire warning, from researchers based primarily in Essex and South Yorkshire, revealed their fi...
Read full storyShake A Leg Glasgow Rangers Tell Sheik Over Club Shake Up
A Saudi sheik who showed an interest in buying Rangers Football Club has been asked to reveal what school he went to. Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan, owner of the Abu Dhabi United Group and already in ownership of Manchester City FC, was shock...
Read full storyFree
Results of a recent survey have corroborated that the word 'free' is a particular favourite among Britons, and is quite popular across the Atlantic, in the land of the free. Free, as a word, was invented by the rock band Free, who sang 'All Right...
Read full storyOddly named quarterback's odd affliction keeps team from winning.
Woe be unto the Rams, American football's St. Louis Rams, that is. Seven games played, seven games lost. So bad is the team, it's been outscored by a whopping 151 points, 211 to 60! What the hell is going on? What could be derailing this team's efforts to be competitive? Well, start with one of the organization's prominent players, and look no farther. It's hard enough for any team in the NFL t...
Read full storyPremiership Focus
What a big week in football it has been! Firstly, the FA has today announced it will take the unusual step of suing both teams from the Hull City v Portsmouth game for allegedly "not playing a game football when contracted to do so" a spokesperson for the football association said today. The move could see both clubs lose up to £1 million each - proceeds will go towards gym memberships for the...
Read full storyObama releases 'Happy Xmas (War Is Over)' single
US President Barack Obama, elected on a promise of taking US troops out of their illegal occupation of Iraq, today released his version of John Lenin's 'Happy Xmas (War Is Over) to try and boost his feeble Presidency, and these are the lyrics: 'So this is Christmas And what have I done? Another year over A new one begun And so this is Christmas I hope you have fun Me and Dick Cheney Th...
Read full storyOld Adage Rings True
Foetid Crotch-Rotter of the Monthly Cycle's Business Pages reports: My old Estonian Grandfather once told me the greatest misnomer in life was Military Intelligence. Well, I can only imagine that the UK regulator everyone loves to despise, the FSA is following this adage to the letter. They recently married their "much-feared" Enforcement section to their toothless Financial Crime and "In...
Read full storyMiss Frank voted out of X Factor
Girl group Miss Frank have become the latest act to be booted off ITV1 talentless show The X Factor. The London trio found themselves in the sing-off against hotly-tipped solo artist Danyl I love myself as well as men Johnson after receiving only...
Read full storyCommuter rant worker gets promoted
An underground railway worker who was seen yelling at an elderly passenger in a video has been promoted to head of customer service. A spokesman said Ian Outthecreases, a customer service assistant, was promoted for his skills on a small incident...
Read full storyLloyd Webber treated for being ugly
Composer Andrew Lloyd Webber, 61, has been diagnosed with being ugly, it has been disclosed. His spokesman said in a statement that the condition was currently in its very ugly stages. "Andrew is now undergoing a facelift and expects a young g...
Read full storyUmpires to be replaced by robots
NEW YORK NY - Baseball fans are turning purple after reading a new scientific survey that shows that the recent playoffs were determined not by the skill of the players, but by the lack of skill of the umpires, according to my source, an ex commissio...
Read full storyUN sends peace keepers to Fox studio
GENEVA - Secret UN leaders, according to my Swiss confidential source, have dispatched UN peace keeping forces to Fox studios to intercede between US forces and Fox studio security involved in a tense standoff. Currently US forces are in control o...
Read full storyThe Drowning Pool: Madoff ponzi scam billionaire Jeffry Picower dead
Florida - (Rotters): So far there have been no reports of any rampant nymphomaniacs or Paul Newman-lookalike private investigators at risk from some dodgy water-filled hydrotherapy room. But police probing billionaire philanthropissed Jeffry Picow...
Read full storySherrif Joe sends posse to White House
PHOENIX AZ - In response to Federal efforts to restrain Sherrif Joe, Joe is sending his posse to the White House to check for illegal aliens. According to my source, Joe, the posse is looking for forged birth certificates. "I don't care what peop...
Read full storyX-Factor: Danyl Stays, Miss Frank Goes, Cheryl Shows 'Em
LONDON - There were all kinds of surprises on the latest edition of X-Factor. Danyl Johnson the odds-on-favorite found himself in the bottom two and did a Brett Favre - Glenn Beck tear-shedding display. The trio of Miss Frank also found themsel...
Read full storyMacy Gray To Star In The Life of Condoleezza Rice
LOS ANGELES - A representative for Universal Pictures has just informed the entertainment media that the first female victim of this year's Dancing With The Stars reality show Macy Gray has just signed to portray former secretary of state Condoleezz...
Read full storyEmergency declared: swine flu deaths too low
WASHINGTON DC - Emergency declared. Swine flu is not killing as much as hoped, according to my confidential source at the GAO, General Accounting Office. The millions of dollars spent sequencing the virus from the recovered 1918 samples will not be...
Read full storyTV Sports Analyst Bob Griese Apologizes For His "Taco" Comment
KALAMAZOO, Michigan - College Football Sports Analyst Bob Griese did the old open-mouth-insert-foot routine while he was doing the play-by-play announcing of an NCAA college football game between Great Lakes of Michigan College and Solid State Univer...
Read full storyHull City Manager Phil Brown To Face FA Ban For Talking Shite
It's not been easy for Hull City manager Phil Brown, and things got even harder for him today after the Football Association announced it has started an investigation into Brown's after-match interviews in which he regularly talks shite. Brown, wh...
Read full storyMan Rescued After Becoming Disoriented In Bang Yai Tesco
There was drama 'in store' for shoppers at a large supermarket chain in Thailand on Thursday, when a man became lost in amongst the superstore's vast number of aisles, and had to be rescued by a search party. Moys Kenwood, originally from Hull in...
Read full storyNick Griffin And David Duke Order Curry In Brick Lane Bangladeshi Restaurant
BNP leader Nick Griffin, and Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard David Duke were spotted by gossip columnist, Angastura Bitters, entering A Bangladeshi restaurant in Brick Lane, East London, and having a curry together. Madame Bitters told me: "I couldn'...
Read full storyTimeless headlines revealed
Capitol City, North American Confederacy - CrossTime travellers to the region known some times as the United States at any time between the 1950s and 2050s are given the same briefing as to what headlines they can expect to see. In the Internation...
Read full storySewage plant in 'free money' giveaway
SEWAGE company WaterWaste has joined forces with The Bun to giveaway FREE money. The establishment which celebrates its centenary this year will award the funds to the first 200 readers who write in. "This is no gimmick" insisted CEO Harvey Bob...
Read full storyBoobs to March Against Bare Boobs in Washington DC
Washington DC: The Anti Boobs Coalition (ABC) plans a million women march in the nation's capital, to protest against women going bare breasted. ABC has "its tits in a wringer" over those recently formed topless women's advocacy groups that claim...
Read full storySpiders with Massive Webs Start New Business
Scientists had no sooner discovered a special type of spider that spins HUGE webs than these spiders decided to open a global business, "Snare The Bad Guys." What this unique spider service does is to grab up offending people and/or products, s...
Read full storyPats Open Can Of Whup-Ass On Sorry Bucs But Tom Brady Flees London In Fear
Pats QB Tom Brady, who earlier led his team to a standout victory over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers by a 35-7 margin tonight fled London after apparent security threats compromised his personal safety. Brady was rushed directly from Wembley Stadium to...
Read full story