"New Wars Demand New Ways" - Pentagon Whizzes Out New Water Based Armor

Funny story written by Tcoah

Monday, 26 October 2009

image for "New Wars Demand New Ways" - Pentagon Whizzes Out New Water Based Armor
VW (makes the Leopard 2 tank) has expressed strong interest in the new armor

In super-secrete tests the Pentagon whizz kids have rolled out a new kind of battle armor for a new kind of war.

On proving grounds in secret locations on the Isle of Wight, the army boys have unleashed their most potent defense against projectile weapons up to, and including, 50 caliber armor piercing and incendiary rounds.

The armor has been tagged "Curtain Armor with Twists of Lemon".

What's it made of?

Well, 60 to 90% water (preferably about 85% water), curtain material, and alloy peels, wherein during typical use on the battlefield the water is frozen and comprises of salted water sufficiently salted to freeze the water to be frozen down to around -175 to -10 centigrade (preferably about -30 C); and the curtain material is made out of Kevlar and the alloy peels are made out of any suitable material such as, but not limited to, peels of stainless steel, tungsten and depleted uranium, alone or in combination.

What's the unique feature of this invention?

There are several non-obvious features including the lightweight nature of the armor during transport making vehicles covered in the new armor sufficiently lightweight to be flown efficiently to theatre.

How So?

The water is added later - so during transport the only elements of armor are the curtains, and these can be rolled up and transported separately. In the field there are curtain rails on the vehicle to "put up the curtains" and then water tight panels are fitted around the curtains and water added. The water is cooled by an onboard cooling unit and as the water turns to mush the peels are added. The peels can be combined with varying amounts of low-density materials such as, but not limited to, polystyrene to give the peels different buoyancies. The water is cooled until it becomes rock hard and "Bob's Your Uncle" you have armor that can stop 50 caliber rounds. In a second embodiment of the invention crushed ice or ice-cubes are added from an ice-making machine thus reducing the time to complete the recipe.

How does it work?

Incoming rounds penetrate the panels and then the frozen water, the peels cause the rounds to tumble and upon striking the curtains the kinetic energy of the rounds is quickly dissipated along with heat. It doesn't matter how many holes are made in the panels - the water is frozen and so doesn't' leak, and when the armored vehicle returns to base damaged panels are swapped out.

Future Developments?

Yes, many - including, but not limited to, expandable panels - e.g., using concertinaed panels that can expand or retract allowing different amounts of water to be added, this will help put extra thickness around more vulnerable parts of the vehicle, and thinner armor where it can be thinner. Moisture capture is another feature we want to develop - the ability to capture moisture (using off-the-shelf dehumidifier technology) out of the ambient air thus allowing the vehicle to make armor 'on the go'; this will mean vehicles can gain armor while approaching a battle scene and loose it during quick dashes to make up ground to avoid situations that happened in Iraq where large battle tanks got left behind - we want our battle tanks of the future to keep up - this new armor will give them that capability.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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