Composer Andrew Lloyd Webber, 61, has been diagnosed with being ugly, it has been disclosed.
His spokesman said in a statement that the condition was currently in its very ugly stages.
"Andrew is now undergoing a facelift and expects a young gold digger on his arm before the end of the year," it said.
Lord Lloyd Webber, composer of Jesus & Onion and Joseph and the Dirty Colored Rainmack, is set to judge a BBC talentless show next year.
Lord Lloyd Webber is best known for his musicals which include Rivita, Stars In Your Eyes and The Phantom of the last sheet of loo roll.
Earlier this month, he launched his new musical Logs Never Flush, a sequel to Phantom of the last sheet of loo roll which is due to open in February next year.
He has led three crap BBC series which cast leads for West End musicals: How Do You Solve A Problem Like Immigrants?, Any Currency Will Do and I'd Do Anything but I wont do that!
Next year he will launch another rubbish BBC show to find A Roy Wood for a new theatrical production of Wizard.
He owns seven London hot dog stalls based near the Theatre Royal Drury Lane and the London Palladium.
Uglyness affects around 350,000 men in the UK each year and kills passion in just over 10,000 relationships.
