End Poverty Now Says Rich Bloke
A rich bloke gave a speech today to other rich blokes. He told them that they should end poverty now. And they all agreed that he was a fantastic bloke. The man in question was none other than Bob Gandalf, former lead singer of the Boomtown Twats...
Read full storyPrince Charles: The End Is Nigh
Prince Charles, heir to the throne and big eared twit has travelled to South America to highlight the issue of global warming. He is currently in Chile, where earlier today he made a speech. Confused locals heard the Prince say that in order to save...
Read full storyObama Channels Lincoln to Use Implied Powers
During the American Civil War (1861 to 1865), United States President Abraham Lincoln often referred to or used his "implied powers" to get things done and hold the union together. New United States President Barack Hussein Obama, on the 200th anniv...
Read full storyFat Girl's Misleading Picture leads to Bar Fight
San Antonio - We've all looked for love in all the wrong places but don't tell that to Troy Martinez. Troy recently met up with a love interest from an unnamed dating website. "She was everything I ever wanted in a potential girlfriend she was f...
Read full storyMarch of the Lizards
I misheard something on Radio 4 the other day which resulted in me writing this. It happened in early March so I worked that into the title. The Lizard is a peninsula in south-west Cornwall and has nothing to do with lizards. March of the Lizards by Rob Barratt (version 2) She said, "Lizards are sweeping through Cornwall" They are bound for the Lizard, I guess They are carrying dustpans...
Read full storyIllinois Professor Invents New Profane Word
University of Illinois English professor Sergei Bloomfield claims he has added a new profane word to the English language which he suggests should immediately be banned from television and radio stations and parents should be teaching their children...
Read full storyObama Overturns Conscience Protection Laws
Laws and practices set in place by the Department of Health and Human Services and approved by President George W. Bush to protect doctors have been overturned by new Untied States Premier Barack Hussein Obama. The laws protected doctors from being...
Read full storyPound rallies; Brown optimistic
The British Pound rallied in the markets today, rising an impressive 8% against the Borneo wogga bean. There are now 244 wogga to the Pound. The GDP was still disappointing against most "major" currencies, but Gordon Brown was optimistic. Spe...
Read full storyMother of Octuplets Seen Stalking Sperm Banks
A mother of octuplets was seen stalking sperm banks after her publicist quit her employ in anger. The publicist, who will not disclose his name, said Octom mom is a greedy nut case. Asked why he was so upset he said, first she made him watch a...
Read full storyObama Supports Stem Cell Research
United States Premier Barack Obama overturned the ban by former President George W. Bush and approved the use of stem cell research. In a statement that reminded all in the audience of "Dubya," however, Obama showed his ignorance of the science invo...
Read full storyJessica Simpson Back In Her Daisy Duke Short Shorts
PAINT LICK, Kentucky - The slim and trim version of Jessica Simpson is back! She certainly gave the concert-goers at The Salamander Stroganoff Festival in Paint Lick, Kentucky there money's worth and more. Je-Si pranced and danced and swayed and s...
Read full storyParis Hilton Demands Spotlight Swing Back To Her
Paris Hilton, the famous hotel chain heiress and Hollywood socialite, has decided that the spotlight has been off of her long enough. In a rant filmed at a New York City nightclub ("The G Spot"), she demanded more attention be paid to her and her ne...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus and Britney Spears to Star in High School Musical 4
Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears appeared at a press conference in Hollywood today to announce that they will appear in High School Musical 4. The film will begin shooting in May and should be available for a Christmas release. Miley will play Anna...
Read full storyArea Man finally gets Cable Television
Jacob Sourbe (27) lived a troubled life. Growing up on the poverty stricken side of town Jacob turned to a life of crime very early in life. Stealing small groceries from a corner store, Mr. Sourbe has never been a stranger to petty crime. Things...
Read full storyPoor schools keep gun crime in Hull low
A government statistician, Dr. Alan Jones, has revealed that there is a link between school league tables and type of violent crime in a city. Cities with high levels of gun crime such as Manchester perform just below the national average. Wherea...
Read full storyRed Chinese Stick With Good Friend And Fellow Ethnic Cleanser
The European Human Rights Commission of Den Hague, Netherlands issued a subpoena for the arrest of Omar al-Bashir, the President of Sudan for gross human rights violations and genocide, the first subpoena ever for a head of state (true). Reactin...
Read full storyVideo did NOT kill the radio star!
Following 20 years of appealing, DNA evidence has proved that Mr Ernest Video of Stoney Creek, Alabama did not kill the up and coming radio DJ Bob Young. The town of Jersey, Mississippi held a vigil and even grown men wept in the street on hearin...
Read full storyPirate Spoof Writer Wards off Real Life Pirates in Home Invasion!
Myrtle Beach, SC / Waccamaw Times - In a potentially tragic spinoff to what had been real life success, a failed home invasion is now the talk of this golfing/retirement community when real life pirates attempted a bizarre robbery/kidnap plot at...
Read full storySpoof Writer Monkey Woods Proposes Red Arse Day
With Red Nose day looming large, TheSpoof.com stalwart Monkey Woods has proposed that all Spoofers should participate in an independent charity fund raising exercise, which he thinks should be called 'Red Arse Day' "Why not?" he told us. "My onlin...
Read full storyThe Armed Struggle for a United Mexico
A new money-raising organisation, U-Mex, has started in England with the aim of funding the groups fighting for a United Mexico. The organisation refuses to acknowledge the United States control of New Mexico, and says it will not rest until New Mex...
Read full storyCharles prays at General Pinochet's graveside, offers ritual sacrifice
Santiago, Chile - (Fifth Reich Mess): Brushing away a solitary tear Prince Charles knelt at General Pinochet's graveside today before ritually slitting the throat of a local Blackleg cockerel and smearing its blood all over Camilla's barren womb.
Read full storyCherie behind 'Real IRA' hit as cops probe Blairs' cash stash
London - (Wrinkly Old Ass mess): Cherie Blair ordered Sunday's Massereene barracks outrage after the Blairs' British Virgin Islands secret bank accounts were probed by Northern Crock Bank police investigators. The sordid daughter of Margaret Thatc...
Read full storyDurban Poison blamed as George Galloway stoned in Egypt
Cairo - (Aswan Damn, Damn, Damn! Mess): Respect Party MP and UK reality tv eyesore George Galloway is livid after his Gaza-bound convoy was stoned outside the Great Pyramid Scheme of Geeza today. The party was said to be carrying a(c)id worth £1...
Read full storyKate Beckinsale And Cristiano Ronaldo Jump On The Below Decks Bandwagon
Kate Beckinsale, the sultry temptress star of Van Helsing and the Underworld movies was joined by Manchester United midfielder Cristiano Ronaldo at a Manchester hotel to announce that they should be considered for roles in Steven Spielberg's upcoming...
Read full story'Life's a bitch' sobs Martha Stewart as mutt roasts in kennel tragedy
Pocono Mountains, Pennsylvania - (Shaggy Dog Story Mess): There's a new Cookie of the Day recipe on the Martha Stewart website this week following the tragic immolation of her pet Shitzu Genghis Khan at a Carbon-Offset County kennels in Pennsylvania.
Read full storyJade Goody Given Dose Of Her Own Medicine
Jade Goody, the terminally-ill ex-Big Brother housemate and racist, was yesterday the victim of a sustained and relentless verbal attack by a female member of the public whilst she was laid up in her hospital bed, say doctors. Staff at the Royal M...
Read full storyNobody Killed In Boogertown Over The Last Week
It was another good day in Boogertown this morning because all 2362 residents made it through the night unkilled. "It's always good when the people of Boogertown aren't killed," stated Boogertown mayor Ava Hills. "One day just last year someon...
Read full storyBelow Decks: Chapter Six - Into The Bermuda Triangle
Below Decks: Chapter Six Into The Bermuda Triangle Recap: Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five Day Six. Conditions calm. Nightfall. We join the most intellectual crew members on the prow of HMS Buggerall, and they are, Able Seaman Duncan Whitehead, Able Seaman Monkey Woods, and Capable Seawoman cum cake baker, Dora...
Read full storyRome WAS built in one day, historian claims
A history professor in England today claimed that Rome really WAS built in one day. 'I have analysed all the evidence', Professor Claudius Nero said, from his house in Oxford, 'Ivory Towers', 'and carbon-dated many bricks in Rome, and found they...
Read full storyUtah Youth Equipment Big Love INC Invents Mormon Multichild Walking Leash
Who says American ingenuity is dead? A Utah Youth Equipment Big Love Idea Man was strolling in the Park City park one day when he spied a local dog walking service with the handy leash that accommodates multiple fidos, rovers and josiah smiths. Thinking that this is best new idea since polygamy and sliced bread, the inventor raced home to develop... you guessed it: The Big Love Mormon Mul...
Read full storySecret Story - Do Not Read This
At exactly 23:25 today it became apparent that this concept was not going to work. The idea of writing a story that had a headline as ridiculous as 'Secret Story - Do Not Read This' was perhaps well intentioned, but it was always likely to fail. For a start it was evident that any story of such content would find it hard to get through the editing system. Secondly, nobody would bother reading...
Read full storySatNav misery
Commuters in Bolton, near Manchester, were today left fuming when a major artery in and out of Bolton was blocked by a truck driver. Arnie Tick, a truck driver of some thirty years had been following his SatNav to his next job when it directed him...
Read full storyObama's Porky's IV: Yes We Can
WASHINGTON - Taxpayers against Wasteful Government Spending has identified 8500 projects at a cost of $17.7 billion in President Obama's 2009 Omnibus Appropriations Act of $410 billion. Here are just a few: ~ $1.7 million for The GOB Foundation in Spit, TX ~ $2.6 million for the study of Toe Jam, Boogers and Earwax Research Center in Crappo, MD ~ $1.2 million for The Underarm and Pubi...
Read full story"Brown Note" discovery brings relief
The discovery of the perfect "brown note", a low musical note which causes listeners to soil themselves, has brought joy to military leaders. The note, which has been secretly worked on for 10 years, has been perfected by a team from, appropriate...
Read full storyFuneral Of Soap Queen Takes Place Today
The funeral is set to take place today of soap queen Wendy Camay. Tributes have been pouring in from showbiz friends alike, and are set to continue pouring in. Wendy's illustrious career lasted for forty years as she became known as the oldes...
Read full storyNew Speed Limits Introduced
A new Road Safety campaign has been launched by the Government today, with the stated aim of jointly reducing both the accident rate and offsetting rising unemployment. Following the success of the Government's Think!! speed-reduction campaign and...
Read full storyJenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy To Star In The X-Rated "Stimulus Package"
CHICAGO - G-Spot Productions in association with Gladiator Pictures has announced that Jenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy will star in the X-rated film Stimulus Package. Blue-eyed blonde Jenna, who has over 125 porn movies to her credit, plays the part...
Read full storyDon't squeeze this Charmin. Woof!
Scarborough - A bitch named Charmin is top dog, best in show, top banana, the big cheese, the one to beat, at the Craps show here. The snobbish fans at Craps were wiping themselves in disbelief as a dog named after a toilet paper brand first peed...
Read full storyIRA Protests 007's Arrival for St Paddy's Day Debacle
Northern Ireland, the Scot Presbyterian British colony on the Isle of Lost Souls, AKA Catholic Ireland, dreads the annual Roman Irish Feast of Sinn Fein Patron Saint, and Roman slave, Saint Patrick. It's not just the rock hard soda bread which ha...
Read full storySudan feeling like British subject again
SUDAN - The Mahdi sect's leader complains that when he moves his limbs to music, people accuse him of smoking pot and dancing with naked ladies. "This is something Prince Charles would do, not me", said the 100 year old Mahdi, so weak and frail h...
Read full storyVatican Defends Right of Fetus to Carry its Child
The abortion debate took a new turn this week when it was announced that a catholic fetus in an undisclosed South American nation has become pregnant. Pro choice advocates from around the world immediately began to advocate for the fetus with child's...
Read full storyA-Rod Requires Surgery from being Kicked in the Ass
Alex Roidriguez, who plays billionaire for the NY Yankees' infield, will miss much of the first part of the season for a surgery. A-Rod has been the focus of embarrassing reports of steroid use and even more humiliating revelations that he denied his...
Read full storyChavez warns his people off eating beans
South America - Venezoolian President Ugo Chevy reacted to Mr. Satan who mouthed off pretty bad. Mr. Satan, of Columbia, said he just might invade Venezoolia to look for Farcs. "We know how they drop cans of beans and then send in dogs to find...
Read full storyMost Dangerous Thing In America: A Black First Lady with Big Guns
Conservatives and liberals alike have found a gun control issue that they can agree upon - the big brown guns Michelle Obama bears on her arms. Blogmistress Sandy McJonwayne went out of her way on the Daily Beastie to urge the first lady to "wear...
Read full storyRNC Steele "Blackie" Balls Decides: Rush 2BIG2FAIL
Republican National Committee Chairperson, Steele "Blackie" Balls has had a love-hate relationship with KNAZI radio entertainer and Republican icon Rush Limberger. Steele loves when the ugly and offensive Limberger's show is not on the air and when i...
Read full storyObama inaugurates "scientific integrity"
WASHINGTON DC - President Obama signed an executive order Friday restoring "scientific integrity" to the various federal agencies, White House servants reported Saturday. Obama acted in response to years of unscientific crap from the Bush administ...
Read full storyRepublicans to Accept "Personal Responsibility" for Economic Collapse and Devastating Election Defeat
The Party of "Personal Responsibility" has finally decided to accept personal responsibility for the global financial collapse which took place during the last year of George Bush's term in office. A somber and reflective group of Republican leade...
Read full storyPresident Obama Considers Deal Offered By Bernie Madoff
That old renegade Wall Street fund manager Bernard Madoff could plead guilty as early as next week to swindling clients out of billions of dollars by running a Ponzi scheme masquerading as a $50 billion investment empire. Insiders say that Madoff...
Read full storyJade's Terror as she is Confronted by Banana-Wielding Woman in Hospital Room
A crazed banana-wielding woman found her way to Jade Goody's hospital bedside yesterday before being dramatically removed by police. The Big Brother star was terrified as the unknown woman entered her room at the Royal Marsden Hospital in the afte...
Read full storyDr. Phil comes to the Mother of Octuplets Rescue?
Whittier, California - "I'll be honest with you," said Dr. Phil to Octu-Mom in his sit down interview with at her residence, her mother's house in Whittier, California. "The real reason why America is so up set with you is because you're acting like...
Read full storySpoofologists Baffled By Obscure American Celeb Stories
Moments ago, spoof writer, Mrs Skoob expressed a serious sense of bafflement and lack of the will to live after reading US spoof contributors describing a party during which Paris Hilton got off with some bloke, and somebody called Brenda Song took t...
Read full story"Dancing With The Stars" Curse Strikes Once Again!!
The "Dancing With The Stars curse strikes both Jewel and Nancy O'Dell! ABC announced that both women dropped out of their top rated competition as a result of knee injuries during rehearsals. Jewel was diagnosed with a fractured tibia in both l...
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