Jade's Terror as she is Confronted by Banana-Wielding Woman in Hospital Room

Funny story written by Randy Atlantis

Monday, 9 March 2009

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A crazed banana-wielding woman found her way to Jade Goody's hospital bedside yesterday before being dramatically removed by police.

The Big Brother star was terrified as the unknown woman entered her room at the Royal Marsden Hospital in the afternoon.

It is believed the 41-year-old woman had been lying in wait outside and snuck in to her private room while Jade's husband Jack Tweed went downstairs to try and chat up one of the nurses.

Jade, who had returned to the London hospital in order to gain more headlines, screamed out in terror as she saw the woman looking at her 'in a funny way.'

Hospital security rushed to grab the woman, and she was later arrested and taken away by police. She remained in custody last night.

Jade's publicist said last night: 'Jade was very, very frightened and she screamed out.

'She was on her own for about 10 minutes while Jack went downstairs to try to chat up the nurse, and that's when she got in.'

Luckily Jade was able to call her publicist only minutes before the papers went to press.

'It was a very close call' said her agent/blackmailer 'but we just made the print deadline and it looks like we already have three front covers. I can't tell you how relieved Jade is.'

A Metropolitan Police spokesman confirmed that a 41-year-old woman was arrested at the Royal Marsden and found to be in possession of a banana though she was later released without charge. 'It appears she was just a fellow patient offering some of her fruit.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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