Moments ago, spoof writer, Mrs Skoob expressed a serious sense of bafflement and lack of the will to live after reading US spoof contributors describing a party during which Paris Hilton got off with some bloke, and somebody called Brenda Song took the hump and went home because Zac Effron wasn't paying her enough attention.
As if that wasn't enough, Rob Pattinson was reported to be standing in line waiting to avail himself of the toilet facilities.
Oh crime of crimes!!!
Jason Mesnick has also been affected.
Mrs Skoob, who is currently recuperating from illness told us:
"It wouldn't be so bad if I had any idea what the hell, or who the hell they're talking about. But I honestly haven't got a clue. And how is it funny? Answer me that. I once went to a party with Mr Skoob and he got so pissed he couldn't find his way home. The hotel receptionist had to call me to say that he was pissed and incapable on the stairs, and could I kindly remove him.
"Is that funny? Of course not. It's yet another shameful episode from the life of the pillock that I call my husband. So basically, although I'd never countenance the discouragement of aspiring writers, in this case I'm prepared to make an exception.
"Try making your stories remotely funny. It helps."
The author of this article is currently being subjected to extreme torture.
Mrs Skoob will be appearing at the Old Bailey.
More when we get so exasperated with weedy contributions that we feel inclined to comment.
