The Armed Struggle for a United Mexico

Funny story written by Roy Turse

Monday, 9 March 2009

image for The Armed Struggle for a United Mexico
Nigel Fotherington's badge says what he thinks about the US Government. This is his Saint Zapata's Day outfit.

A new money-raising organisation, U-Mex, has started in England with the aim of funding the groups fighting for a United Mexico. The organisation refuses to acknowledge the United States control of New Mexico, and says it will not rest until New Mexico is absorbed back into the Mother Country. However, it refuses to say whether it funds the armed activities of the illegal United Mexico Militia (UMM).

In England, a high proportion of people have been on holiday to Spain and the Spanish Islands, and as such consider themselves part Mexican. Many of them have got sombreros or those strange stuffed donkeys in their attics, and believe this gives them the duty to campaign for a United Mexico, and possibly the right to vote in Mexican elections. They sing songs about 'Mehico', shout 'Ay Caramba!' at their 'ameeegos', and would probably wear huge moustaches if they didn't think it looked a bit gay.

Every year in London the Mexican community organises a day of marches and shouting, and gallons of Corona is drunk mixed half and half with Tequila.

The day is known as 'El día de luchar para un México unido' and falls on Saint Zapata's day. U-Mex uses the day to solicit funding from people in the Mexican themed bars and clubs around the country.

Critics of the organization allege that this money is used to fund armed insurgents and is traded by the UMM with other criminal groups. They say that the UMM buys weapons from the Colombian Drugs Cartels, thus funding drug production and organized crime.

We spoke to one U-Mex supporter at a rally in Manchester. Nigel 'Zapata' Fotherington told us: "I'm one-eighth Mexican on my Mother's side, and I really feel strongly that the terrorist United States Government's occupation of New Mexico must end. The issues are simple and clear-cut because Mexico is a long way away, and we don't have to know anything about Mexican politics, the recent history of the country or the views of the people to know we are right."

When it was suggested that his donations to the cause could be used to fund the killing or injuring of US soldiers, policemen and civilians, Mr Fotherington pretended not to hear. Instead he went on to say that the United States' illegal claim on Texas was next on the agenda. A scuffle then broke out after a brave protester, thought to be a Mr D. Whitehead, threw Guacamole at Mr Fotherington and called him 'less than intelligent'.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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