Obama's Bad Dream
After an insane nightmare the new US President awoke to find that his greatest fear was only a dream. Barack Obama on his first night sleeping in the White House dreamt that Bristol Palin's high school dropout consort had impregnated both of his precious daughters. In the bad dream he organized a black posse and lynched the white redneck from the tallest oak tree in Washington, DC. U...
Read full storyCopyBlackcat
Republican strategist Moe Monet Dangod has been credited with delivering this highly persuasive speech to insure the election of African American Michael Steele to the RNC chairmanship: "My fellow rich white people, religious fanatics and homohaters, The nation has spoken and it has said that Black is beautiful. Though I have never been mistaken as a Kool menthol smokin dude, that is clearly...
Read full storyKenya To Change Its Name To Obamaland
NAIROBI, Kenya - The African country of Kenya has announced that the Kenyan National Assembly has voted and approved by a vote of 223 to 1 to change the country's name from Kenya to Obamaland. The people of Kenya are proud that the son of one of t...
Read full storyMuch loved TV star found dead.
Much loved television star and cereal salesman Anthony 'the tiger' has been found dead in the North London flat he had called home since his arrival at the door of stardom some 20 years earlier. It was after a night out with fellow salesman Coco a...
Read full storyHow to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. A friend 2. A companion 3. A lover 4. A brother 5. A father 6. A master 7. A chef 8. An electrician 9. A carpenter 10. A plumber 11. A mechanic 12. A decorator 13. A stylist 14. A sexologist 15. A gynecologist 16. A psychologist 17. A pest exterminator 18. A psychiatrist 19. A healer 20. A good listener 21.
Read full storyTop Ten Reasons Why Golf is Better than Sex
#10.. A below par performance is considered damn good. #9... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers. #8... It's much easier to find the sweet spot. #7... Foursomes are encouraged. #6... You can still make money doing it as a senior. #5... Three times a day is possible. #4... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else. #3... If you live...
Read full storyMan wonders if you come here often
A seemingly innocent question from one stranger to another signalled the peak of the relationship between 26 year old Amy Gouder and her would be pursuer. He posed the question whilst both were waiting to place orders at the bar of the yellow leop...
Read full storyDPW worker busts porn ping at Obama's inauguration
Washington, D.C.-(AP) D.C. Police today uncovered a pornographic ring that duped hundreds of thousands of unsuspecting females at the inauguration ceremonies of President Barack Obama. In all the excitement, no one noticed activity of the porn ri...
Read full storyIraq Sculpture Honoring Shoe-Thrower Removed
In Baghdad the director of an Iraqi orphanage says a huge shoe sculpture honoring an Iraqi journalist who threw his shoes at former President George W. Bush has been removed. Fatin al-Nassiri says Iraqi police told her the statue had to be remove...
Read full storyWoss all this shouting? Ross thrown off bus.
Jonathan 'Rossy' Woss today sparked fresh controversy when he was thrown off a bus for making obscene phone calls. The mischievous funny man was removed from the 23 bus taking him to BBC Television Centre after passengers complained about the dist...
Read full storyObama Resigns, Ferguson appointed new President
In a dramatic move today, American President Barack Obama resigned, and Sir Alex Ferguson was appointed new leader of the USA. Pausing merely to tell his Manchester United players that Paul Scholes would be acting manager in his absence, as 'that...
Read full storyWesley Snipes Undersecretary Of Treasury
Actually, Wesley Snipes should have been appointed the Treasury Secretary if failure to pay the largest amount of back taxes had been the requirement. Mr. Snipes failed to pay a whopping $17 million, but Treasury Secretary Geithner only owed $40,000...
Read full storyManchester United Goalie Cheats Death
In today's action-packed Premiership game between Manchester United and Everton, there was real drama when Edwin van der Sar cheated Death, after managing to defend his goal for a record-breaking 1,104 minutes. The previous record, set way back in...
Read full storyNazi Zombies! Run!
Hackers in Austin, Texas broke into several electronic road signs yesterday and modified each to display various zombie-related messages, something that Texas Public Works found to be funny, not! They included: Caution! Zombies! Ahead! Nazi...
Read full story50 Cent: 'I'm Mozart.'
Following the growing trend of televised celebrity regression, we can reveal some alarming revelations about rapper and prat 50 Cent, who has revealed that he was in fact Mozart in his former existence. "It would explain a lot" quipped the potty...
Read full storyDid ex-NASA CEO 'hide Moon's sudden magnetic field burst' from Pentagon?
NASA HQ, Groom Lake - (Dark Side of the Moon Mess): NASA's former CEO Mike Griffin is a top suspect in a Pentagon probe about the Moon suddenly regaining its former ancient magnetic field. Griffin, 69, is believed to have locked down 'vital' space...
Read full storyNew Spanish terror group founded, and calls itself Jamas
Left-wing Spaniards and Basques today formed a new terror group, and named it Jamas. 'Si, senor', its leader, L. Presidente Xavier Jojoba said, 'we were inspired by the Palestinians in their glorious struggle against the Israelis. Jamas will be ba...
Read full storyObama sibling busted for fifty kilos of Durban Poison
Nairobi, Kenya - (Matanuska Thunderfuck Mess): George Obama, 26 year-old half-brother of the American President, has been arrested for possession of 'a weekend's personal supply' of the local African recreational weed Durban Poison. "Actually, it...
Read full storyHarry Connick, Jr. Braves Freezing Canadian Weather Doing Film
According to actor Harry Connick Jr., winter up in Canada can be a rough season and he doesn't want to try it again. While filming the romantic comedy "New in Town" in Winnipeg last January, the actor's face, beard, brass monkeys and eyelashes fr...
Read full storyBoston Tea Party Apologies
Prime Minister Gordon Brown of England, and Vice President Joseph Biden of the United States, have finally agreed to publicly apologize to the other for The Boston Tea Party party of 1773 which was actually a party after all. Historians have been...
Read full storyGoogle broken
'Google search' was down for approximately 15 minutes today after a level 2 web master at the Californian giants head quarters unplugged the main super server that powers Googles state of the art search engine. Level 1 Internet Lord Dave Harringto...
Read full storyRobbie Williams buys U.K. house
Robbie Williams, the "singer", has bought a £7million eight-bedroom house in Wiltshire, an insider tells us. The chateau-style house boasts swimming pool, tennis court, garaging for 6 cars, a snortarium, a recording studio, helicopter pad and hangar,...
Read full storyBanking System Explained by Joe the Soda Jerk
PARKER, Colorado - Joe the Soda Jerk, of Woolpuke's Drugs, explained to a large crowd of reporters at 9am today, exactly what is going on in the banking world under the opaque TARP - where the money is really going. "Let's say your a banker. You make money by sticking a straw up people and sucking out what ever is inside, aspartame, blood, whatever they got. "Well, one day, you get it all.
Read full storySomalia's New Moderate Islamist President Sworn At
In Djibouti, a moderate Islamist leader was sworn at as the country's new president Saturday after parliament elected him to stabilize a country wracked by violence and anarchy for nearly 3000 years. Sheik Sharif Sheik Shiraf Sheik Ahmed was elect...
Read full storyKurds See Spider, Riot In Khanaqin
A Kurdish official says hundreds of Iraqi Kurds, led by Miss Muffet, have stormed an election office in a disputed city after claiming many Kurds were not on voting lists for provincial elections. The protest in Khanaqin (pronounced as "Who Knows?...
Read full storyO'bama Mandates Totalitarianism So DEMS Can Be Non Partisan!
Washington/DC Daily Worker - President Barack Hussein O'bama, the great Articulator, held a press conference today to declare the Nation was moving to a one party system to insure future prosperity and end the economic malaise affecting the World!...
Read full storyGordon Brown to deliver an important speech tomorrow
UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown will tomorrow deliver a special speech to one of his constituents. A Mr Stuart Hacking-Forth Jones of 12 Mulberry Lane Greenodd is expecting the Prime Minister to arrive at his door with a copy of the speech he deli...
Read full storyBrand New Horoscopes From Psycho Bob: New For February 1-7, 2009
Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC) Just because one of the customers told you that you had given her back three cents too much in change for the postal stamp, doesn't mean you have to go on a killing rage and take out everybody at the post office. Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN) So you were all set to expose the tented seance lady, Madame Bavior and her little table rising game, but you never expected...
Read full storyCourt says Union wildcat strikes against companies using foreign instead of British workers are illegal
In a landmark case heard so quickly today that the judge didn't even have time to dismiss his mistress and pull his trousers up, a Union has been told that to encourage wildcat strikes against those companies employing foreign workers instead of Brit...
Read full storyWorld's largest diamond stolen by chimp
"The Phantom", the chimpanzee that has been the orchestrator of many recent jewellery heists, struck again last night in a daring raid in a famous New York jewellers. All that is known of "The Phantom" is that security footage outside of a jewelle...
Read full storyMan City kidnap Roque Santa Cruz
The increasing levels of pressure on Manchester City has clearly taken its toll. Blackburn Police are reporting that start striker for the Riversiders, Roque Santa Cruz has been kidnapped. Security footage from Ewood Park clearly shows a masked m...
Read full storyTeen queen, Brenda Song & Rob Pattinson: Set to Appear Nude!
Teen icons, Brenda Song and Rob Pattinson are set to appear semi-nude in their new indie film, "Burning Star". The film is about a young adult couple who are struggling emotionally an insider has spilled that there will be a semi-nude scene. The...
Read full storyEleven Year Old Butcher Slaughters Veal Cutlets for Mexican Gourmet Restaurantes
Who doesn't love a thinly sliced veal cutlet? Mexican restaurant goers are no different and when you add the exotic curiosity of an eleven year old butcher slicing the fillets from live veals in a veal fighting ring, you know you have algo muy especi...
Read full storyHuman Sow Drops a Litter of Eight with Six Already in the Brood
The usually limit on litters in the animal kingdom is about eight. Normally this may come after previous broods but that usually means the previous offspring are off on their own. A Los Angeles mammal with the help of fertility experts from Frankenst...
Read full storyBig Foot Surrenders
California - (AP) In a surprising turn of fortune, Department of Natural Resources investigators said Sasquatch, more commonly referred to as "Big Foot," turned himself in late Friday night. When we spoke with officials at the DNR office, they all...
Read full storyEl Qaeda Targets Bumper Cars
Wisconsin Dells - Local theme parks are on the watch for El Qaeda terrorists who have threatened to buy tickets to the bumper car ride attraction and intentionally crash their vehicles into oncoming traffic. In a taped interview with Al Jazeera a...
Read full storyGhost of Lincoln Goes After Blagojedevich
The ghost of President Abraham Lincoln appeared to scandalized Illinois Governor Blagojeovich last night. At about midnight, as Blagojeovich was busy counting dirty money he had hidden in his mattress, the apparition of a tall, lanky, bearded individ...
Read full storyConstitution Set to Explode July 4th, 2009
Texas (AP)- In what has been described as an upcoming Constitutional explosion, 49 states will secede from the Union effective July 4th, 2009. Talk of secession has been bantered about on Capitol Hill for the past several months when the republicans...
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