Washington/DC Daily Worker - President Barack Hussein O'bama, the great Articulator, held a press conference today to declare the Nation was moving to a one party system to insure future prosperity and end the economic malaise affecting the World!
Guided by his ever present legal counsel, Greg Craig, the President signed into law a proclamation banning all other parties except the Democrats forever hereafter to be known as THE ONE.
The President read from a prepared legal speech and indicated he would take no questions after the proclamation.
Here are some of the high lights from this history making Presidential action:
O'Bama:"After much, ah, deliberation and soul,ah, searching, I ,ah, in council with some of the great ,ah, minds of my administration, including Madam Speaker, VP Biden, and John Murtha, I have decided to make this,ah, FATWA--
Craig: Mr. President, that's a Proclamation!
O'Bama: You got me there Greg! Haa! Yes, a Proclamation!
The President went on to discuss the fact that continued reasoned attacks on his $1 Trillion dollar gratuitous spending package was threatening to derail his ultimate goal of being accepted in the EU.
For that reason he said, it was imperative to shape the new government on a model that seems to have worked in Venezuela for his new Amigo, Hugo Chavez, basically a one party system with a benevolent Dictator to lead the country back into the dark ages.
To continue the successful transformation he announced he would be nationalizing most of the country's Fortune 500 companies, eliminating the concept of "PROFITS", and mandating that all small business turn into Union Shops with an ACORN appointed SHOP STEWARD to insure compliance.
O'Bama went on to say that the loss of an estimated 24 million jobs in the private sector, 2 million a month, would be replaced under his plan with the creation of 40 million new jobs in the government sector, including 4 million for the US Post Office, which announced deliveries would be cut to once a week, and stamps were going up to $4 in May, 2009.
O'Bama also announced that since the War On Terror was a Spoof, he would be reducing Military Spending by 50%, while increasing donations to the UN by 100%, to over $100B. "They know best how to distribute needed funds to our friends in the 3rd world...let them deal with it" he said.
The President indicated he had plans to open the doors on most Prisons to reduce overcrowding, and blamed Racism for the problem.
Reports confirm that O'Bama is preparing to name Eliot Spitzer in charge of Prisoner Rehabilitation, a new cabinet post, and is making available over $50B to Massachusetts and Vermont to increase their staff of Rehab personnel .
At the current time the two states are about the only remaining states that believe Pedophiles can be rehabilitated, despite a 99% recidivism rate, but that they are the best prepared to welcome violent felons into their society.
Almost in passing the President mentioned that all conservative radio stations would be seized, and former Bankrupt tax cheap Sen. Al Franken would be named named CZAR for the NEW ONE VOICE OF AMERICA station.
To conclude, the President added an EARMARK tacked on my House Ways and Means Chairman Charles Wrangle(sic) D, NY, providing for tax amnesty for himself, the new Treasury Secretary Geither,, Rev. Al Sharpton, and Tom
Daschle, and a host of unindicted coconspirators in the party now known as THE ONE.
At the end of the event the Secret Service went through the gathering collecting all Press Cards, telling reporters, "You won't be needing these anymore!"
