Constitution Set to Explode July 4th, 2009

Funny story written by freezer101

Saturday, 31 January 2009

image for Constitution Set to Explode July 4th, 2009
GW caught sealing a deal for secession

Texas (AP)- In what has been described as an upcoming Constitutional explosion, 49 states will secede from the Union effective July 4th, 2009. Talk of secession has been bantered about on Capitol Hill for the past several months when the republicans figured out they were no longer going to run things. However, no one knows how the republicans got the democrats and independents to come over to their side on the secession issue.

When Emperor Obama was eventually appointed, the last three secession holdout states, New York, Illinois, and Michigan went over the edge. Governor Blagojevich of Illinois masterminded the separation, for some think, to avoid impeachment by the full senate. Still others believed that Blago's charismatic character would sway holdout states. If you recall, Blago was under Federal indictment for trying to auction off then Senator Obama's seat when he was appointed Emperor of the U.S. Jan. 20th, 2009, but the Senate dropped impeachment proceedings as a gesture of good will, even after finding ping-pong bingo balls in his office.

Obama, the super-extra-charismatic leader hailed as the savior of democracy, capitalism, the middle class, the poor, the rich, health care, employment, banks, manufacturing, entrepreneurs, drug addicts, mental health, automobiles, unions, potholes, bridges, etc., evoked too much hope, and optimism in U.S. citizens, and the world. With self-esteem at record lows, it was felt that to much hope, optimism and opportunity would be akin to a collective drug overdose. Plus, given mankind's penchant for self-destruction, it was felt it would have been a waste of time anyway. Therefore, the other 49 states felt it more prudent to divorce themselves from this madman's way of thinking, and secede from the Union as a matter of self-preservation.

There has been talk already of Texas becoming the new Washington, D.C. but GWB has been overly reticent about it. Asked whether he would be the new president of the new Union, Bush replied, "I'll take it any way I can get it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more