Wisconsin Dells - Local theme parks are on the watch for El Qaeda terrorists who have threatened to buy tickets to the bumper car ride attraction and intentionally crash their vehicles into oncoming traffic.
In a taped interview with Al Jazeera a confident Bin Laden announced "We are now it phase three of our plan to take our actions into the heartland of America."
"We have to move swiftly to take advantage of the moment and the free coupons I found on-line for a family of four."
"Once our esteemed agents enjoy the merriment of the roller coaster and the contentment of of walking around in the hot sun eating corn dogs I personally promise them they will achieve eternal salvation for driving a small four-wheeled electrically powered vehicle into the heart of our enemy, praise be to Allah, or have the option of redeeming this pleasure for a small plush toy shaped like happy pencil."
Theme park spokesman Chris Falliwell, who is working closely with Homeland Security, says "We have placed Mercedes Benz hood ornaments on some bumper cars to lure terrorists onto the rides."