President Obama Lays Off 30 White House Employees
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a surprise move, President Barack Obama has laid off 30 White House employees. A spokesman for the brand new president said that although the president hates to see anyone lose their job, he had to make that decision in order...
Read full storyOssie Ardiles In Gritty Attempt To Say Inverness Correctly
Osvaldo 'Ossie' Ardiles, the former Argentina star and boss of both Newcastle United and Tottingham Hotspur, is being linked to a return to management in Britain tonight, and has confirmed he is 'inherested' in the manager's position at Inverness Cal...
Read full storyParting Statement from Bush
George W. Bush, the disgraced former leader of the United States said today in a prepared statement that "he knows he will die soon and go straight to Hell." Mr. Bush elaborated, saying "I deserve it for what I've done. Look at me. I'm just a horr...
Read full storyWoman Hates Men - Shock Horror
A woman based in the south of England today declared open war on the male of the species. Dee Lee Almost Lightful told reporters from the spoof.com that men were basically a waste of space. She told us: "Men think they're more interesting when...
Read full storyObama Latest - "I Am The Black Sheep Of The Family"
Following his grand entrance onto the world stage US President Barack Obama has shed more light on his earlier 1995 memoir admissions of alcohol, marijuana, and cocaine abuse during his teenage years. Obama has added to these admissions in an upda...
Read full storySecond Tory MP busted in House of Commons raid
London - (Damian 'The Omen' Green Mess): Shrewsbury and Atcham MP Daniel Kawczynski was seen foaming at the mouth tonight after police officers marched into his House of Commons orifice and removed a constituent's letter filled with 'unidentified po...
Read full storyQuick-Barf Quick Start Program - New from NutriPuke
Weight management leader NutriPuke, Inc. has announced it has purchased salmonella tainted peanut butter based products for use in its new Quick-Barf Quick-Start Weight Loss Program. Company spokesman Ron Faster said users simply need to consume...
Read full storyAmerican Eagle Crash Lands In Barcelona - Does Splits
On the day of President Barack Obama's historic inauguration, an American bald eagle, disconcerted by all the hullaballoo, having crossed the Atlantic, made an astonishing crash landing in Barcelona. Unfortunately, the hapless bird landed on the R...
Read full story"Obama-Droid 3000" Inaugurated into Office
In a routine briefing this morning, a spokesman confirmed that now President Barack Obama was replaced by a robotic version of himself for the inauguration ceremony on Monday. In a move to be increase public awareness of security levels around t...
Read full storyError acknowledged regarding $200 million Bill Gates donation to fight polio
In a statement issued today, it was incorrectly revealed that the $200 million philanthropic donation from Bill Gates was being given to fight polio. However, the newsdesk has since received a corrected version of the aforementioned statement to r...
Read full storyEva Mendes Crowned Most Desirable Woman
Actress Eva Mendes was crowned as the most desirable woman of 2009 yesterday in a new poll by an online men's magazine that organizers swear is not all about looks but overall racks, Wooohooo!! Mendes, 34, "topped" the 9th annual list of "Top 99 M...
Read full storyFox News Has Its Slowest News Day In 8 years
Tuesday, January 20, 2009 was the slowest day for news stories in nearly a decade for Fox News. Editor-in-Chief Charles Whiteman said, "It was just one of those days. We scoured the AP and tickers like normal, but there was just no newsworthy happe...
Read full storyPremature babies drunk as skunks on aspartame
NEW YORK, N.Y. - Bonsanto Del Diablo Hospital spokesman Dante Infernopedeo explained that his feeding babies in neonatal units various types of alcohol conformed with standard medical practice, and that the use of aspartame on premature babies confor...
Read full storyDick Cheney Discovered In White House Spider Hole!
Dick Cheney, former Vice President of the United States was discovered by the Obama girls this morning when they began going from room to room trying to see where everything was located. "Apparently there was a guide with them as they went explori...
Read full storyJesus hosted original "Deal or No Deal"
Following the creation by Pope Benedict 16th of a dedicated Aramaic translation team within the Vatican, a surprising biblical tale has been discovered. The story details that Jesus would on occasion invite a member of the poor or ill to partake i...
Read full storyObama Dragged, Kicking And Screaming, To Inauguration
A thin, weary and ashen Barack Obama stood at the podium yesterday and took the oath of office from Chief Justice Roberts. When asked if he was willing and able to perform the duties of the office, Obama replied "Yeah sure, whatever", then put his fa...
Read full storyLottery cash to restore Parker Bowles vagina
Clarence House - (ReUterus & Sordid Ass Mess): The Heritage Lottery Fund has given £487,500 towards the £725,000 transformation of the Duchess of Cornwall's vagina after her disastrous 2007 hysterectomy operation. A Clarence House spokesman s...
Read full storyBush's bubble is burst as several flocks of shit fly into his fan
Washington residents were shocked at the news that George Bush's bubble has burst. Experts claim a large flock of shit was drawn into the fans as the bubble flew dangerously close to the ground with virtually no fuel or energy. As the bubble was down...
Read full storyPalaeontologists excited by a rock
Palaeontologists have found a rock in Dorset that has got them very excited, but they cannot agree over what it shows. "One thing we're sure of," said Chris Tal, head of the British Geological survey, "is that the rock is four hundred million year...
Read full storyFormer head of KGB pays over the odds for London Evening Standard
According to authoritative sources, Alexander Lebedevedobadub, former KGB spy and paint-ball gun retailer, has paid over the odds for his recently confirmed purchase of the London Evening Standard. Rumours within media circles are that Alexander,...
Read full storyMichelle Obama Accidently Burns Down White House
Washington DC-- Michelle Obama had a terrible first day in the White House--she accidentally burned the house down to the ground! The Obama family was busy moving into the mansion when the fire happened. No one was injured. Michelle Obama said she w...
Read full storyCrap dress, no knickers
Washington AC/DC - (Sartorial Shock Horror Mess): "OMFG! A whipped cream meringue covered in crack crystals!" That's how one fashion guru described Michelle Obama's hideous one-shouldered white chiffon frou-frou confection worn confidently to the...
Read full storyGovernment buys Everything
In a surprise move today the government announced that it will issue compulsory purchase orders for every house and plot of land in the country. The government regards this as simply an expansion of its Heathrow Airport purchase plans. A spokesp...
Read full storyMoment of confusion at inauguration leads to violent scenes
The Inauguration of the Forty Fourth President of the United States was marred today by intermediate violence and upheaval when the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court administering the oath of Office, Stu Piddington, ineptly asked Mr Obama to say the...
Read full storyPresident Bush Seen Asking For Directions 7 Blocks From White House
Former President George W. Bush was seen late Tuesday afternoon asking for directions just a few blocks from his former residence. Kimberly Lewis was walking home when she was approached by the 43rd President. "He pulled over in the far lane wh...
Read full story"And so help you God!" Judge Roberts warns Obama
Washington AC/DC - (Inauguration Mess): It was gloves off and no holds barred in Washington's National Mall yesterday as Chief Justice Roberts spoonfed Barack Obama a scrambled rehash of the Oath of Orifice ending with the stern judicial caveat Lord-...
Read full storyObama Calls In Sick On First Day In Office
President Barak Obama has sensationally phoned in sick on his first day in office, White House sources reveal. "Mrs Obama rang and said that the President had got a bit carried away celebrating last night. Apparently he'd drunk a bottle and a half...
Read full storyManchester United Announce New Sponsorship Deal
Manchester United have announced, this morning, that troubled US insurer AIG will not be renewing its shirt sponsorship deal that expires in May 2010, and the club have, therefore, signed a new deal with thrifty retailer, Poundland. The £14millio...
Read full storyPanic in the Streets!
Intro: The scene - a dark alley between a barber shop and a garage. In the shadow sits a man on a garbage can pretending to be asleep. Down the alley walks another man, smaller, slightly tremulous with shifty eyes and beads of sweat running down his face. Sam: Hey man. Dude: Whassup, bro? Sam: Gimme a dime bag, Dude. Dude: Of what? Sam: You know… Dude: Crack? Sam:...
Read full storyCelebrity Big Brother Tina Malone Awarded The Freedom Of Her Own Toilet
Celeberity Big Brother Tina Malone, the housemate with the foulest mouth ever to have been heard on the show, was welcomed back to her home town of Liverpool yesterday, and was immediately awarded the Freedom Of Her Own Toilet. The award, made by...
Read full storyEngland Star Stevens in Drugs Shock
England and Bath prop-forward Matt Stevens has been suspended from both club and country duties following his failure of a drugs test. Stevens, 26, failed a test during Bath's Heineken Cup match with Glasgow. He has admitted taking 'a prohibited s...
Read full storyBarack Obama in Monica Lewinsky Scandal
Newly sworn-in president Barack Obama was last night at the centre of a scandal involving former White House intern Monica Lewinsky. Following a number of post-inauguration balls last night, Mr Obama was found in the Oval Office 'a little worse fo...
Read full storyBarack Obama Changes Underpants
In his first day in office, Barak Obama, the new president of the United States, appeared to be upholding his promise for change during his term as president. Upon rising from his presidential bed, he announced that he would be changing both his u...
Read full storyBush Lands In Texas, His Luggage Goes To Thailand
MIDLAND, Texas - Former President George W. Bush and his wife the former First Lady Laura Bush landed at The Buddy Holly and The Crickets International Airport in Midland, Texas on Tuesday at 4:30 p.m. (Texas time). Unfortunately the Bush's lugga...
Read full storyDevils on the march Part II
o All thieves who during work somehow inflicted pain, injuries, wounds etc to the victims o All pickpockets, purse-snatchers, automobile thieves o All ex-presidents, vice presidents, prime ministers, ministers, high-ranking civil service personnel, senior and junior government officials, convicted, scot-free or at large o Anyone convicted, or pending, of money laundry or keeping an account in...
Read full storyRobinhoe and KaKa Elope
Rude and rootless footballers KaKa and Robinhoe have been lured and lusted after by many a football franchise. The boyz from Brazil have positioned themselves for the maximum enjoyment of football fans and franchise owners alike... That is unti...
Read full storyLady Gag-gag Admits She Choked Her Way to the Top
British culture's newest latest star does not fret and strut her brief time upon the boards of the old Vic. She does not even grace the cinema with the great women of British film. Instead Lady Gag-gag said that she has made her way to the top by sta...
Read full storyVP Cheney Attends Inauguration as FDR
The ex-Presidents and the soon to be X's decided to play a little joke on Obama by attending the inaugural ceremonies dressed as famous people from America's political past. Dick Cheney got the biggest yucks when in showed up in a FDR wheelchair...
Read full storyRev Rick Rabbit Warren Crucifies Gay Jesus at Inauguration
Eminently tolerant Barack Obama mystified his many liberal supporters by selecting neoconservative reverend rick warren to offer the opening invocation at the his inauguration. Warren's reputation is based on a pop religionist best seller and his wil...
Read full storyGhost of Martin Luther King Denounces Obama
The ghost of Dr King is said to haunt the Lincoln Memorial, the site of his famous I have a dream speech. barack Obams himself has been haunting the same monument with a late night family visit, a pre Inauguration concert and a nap in Lincoln's stone...
Read full storyChief Supreme Slips Obama the Tongue
"Diana Ross" Roberts the Chief of the Supremes reportedly went to the Inauguration ceremony purportedly still steaming over Senator Obama's vote against his nomination to the high court. All inside players watched anxiously to see how the opponents w...
Read full storyObamas Ditch Dog Dilemma
Frustrated by an inability to choose between a Portuguese Water Dog and a Goldendoodle, and concerned that not selecting a dog from a rescue could generate more criticism from animal rights and rescue groups, AND already criticized by breeders for no...
Read full storySpears to Attend University Next Fall
Actress and musician Brittany Spears' publicists announced today that she shall matriculate to Cambridge University next fall and commence the study of astrophysics. Remarkably, at a private sitting recently, she achieved much better than average...
Read full storyMinister claims "2,000 Poles a Day" coming to UK
In a stirring speech before the Commons Select Commitee, Tory MP Sir Toby Toff claimed that as many as 2,000 poles a day were entering the UK. The poles, primarily used in the telecommunications industry, but also for scaffolding and other building w...
Read full storyBarack- a 'handy' man in the White House?
After recent reports that a photograph of President Obama with a cigarette in his hand would be worth as much as $150,000, there has been much speculation on the potential worth of a photograph of the President with his dick in his hand. Obama wh...
Read full storyNew Orwell-inspired Reality TV show for 2009
We've had "Big Brother" and now a new George Orwell-related reality show is to air next winter. Taking as it's inspiration Orwell's "Down and Out in Paris and London", the nine celebrity contestants will be taken to Leningrad, dressed as tramps,...
Read full story"Ramrod" Ramseys Rocky Revenue Relationship
Celebrity shagaholic and bit of a cook, Gordon Ramsey is in the news again today for trying to shag around with HM Inland Revenue. Modest and soft spoken "Ramrod" so dubbed for his alleged romantic attributes, is facing court action after his fath...
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