London - (Damian 'The Omen' Green Mess): Shrewsbury and Atcham MP Daniel Kawczynski was seen foaming at the mouth tonight after police officers marched into his House of Commons orifice and removed a constituent's letter filled with 'unidentified powders', posted to Schools Secretary Ed Balls-up.
The MP may have been moonlighting after Prime Monster Gorgon Brown tightened the purse strings on Palace of Westmonster perks.
Kawczynski, 69, told deputy Commons Speaker Sir Michael Lord: "It is jolly unsporting of the Metropolitan Police to suddenly remove an MP's access to small business opportunities, especially in this recessionary climate."
Damian Green is suspected of supplying the Omagh Bomber with half a tonne of the finest Columbian produce.
